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Hi there,

I didn't think that I would ever be saying that its the end of the ivf road for us but we just can't do it anymore and we have decided that we need to stop.

We have had 3 ivf cycles, 2 fresh and 1 fet. I got my last bfn last Saturday  :'(

We have spent, like you all I'm sure SO much money on treatment, about 18k I reckon with cycles, drugs, lost wages, cover for time off and its stupid, we need to have a life again. I feel like we have been on a constant rollercoaster for the last goodness know how long and we need some normality, my body needs some drug free time and I've got to lose the stone that I've put on during tx. I look so fat and round and I need to do something about it, problem is I have no willpower at the moment, its just a vicous circle............ just like ivf  :-\

I am thinking about all of the positives of our lives and our relationship and we have got a hell of a lot of positives and just one negative........... no baby. We have a fantastic relationship and that is something that we treasure and love. So its just going to be me, dh, our dog and my horse. If a miracle happens then that would be fantastic, if it doesn't, then in 10 years time we will be renting out the house and buggering off around the world for a year or two, just the two of us  ^hugme^

Today I feel quite sad that are more than likely not have our baby, but I'm just trying to be grateful for what we have got. I love my husband so much and know that we are so lucky to have each other.

I know that we will have ups and downs with our emotions but at least we will be there for each other.

Lots of Love to everyone

Tricksy  ^hugme^
 

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Hello

Just wanted to send you a hug - it certainly is sad, and there's nothing wrong with feeling sad about the sad bits, but it sounds like you have a lot to be happy about too.  I hope having made the decision is part of a whole new life for you - one where you can make decisions about your life without constantly thinking about the what-ifs of treatment.  It certainly was the best thing we did, and although I still often feel sad about not having a child, where I am now is so much better a place than where I was during treatment that I'm never tempted to go back!

Jx
 

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Hi just wanted to wish you well too.  I think it is a very brave decision that you have made.  I remember having a conversation with one of the receptionists at my clinic about this as she had had IVF and had come to the same decision in the end.  She told me that you would "know" when enough was enough. 

I don't want to be one of those bores who tells you to relax and it will work or anything like that but I would like to share my story with you.  As you will see from my ticker I had 4 IVF's in total.  I remember my last treatment failed on 13 October 2005 and I was standing in a queue in Matalan surrounded by Christmas decorations.  There was a lady there and she was buying stuff with her little girl and I had tears just silently rolling down my cheeks as that was never going to be me but we had made a decision not to keep putting ourselves through all the heartache.    As you will see from my ticker a few weeks later my miracle happened.  I honestly, hand on heart will never know how it did. 

Whichever journey your life takes you on I wish you well. xxx
 

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I am so sorry for everything you have been through. Try to be very gentle with yourselves, you have been through such alot and this is something very big to deal with. We also went through 3 attempts at IVF/ICSI  and then we decided to call it a day. It will be a rollacoaster of emotions but you can get through it and lots of the ladies on this site have been through and know how you feel now and some of the feelings you will experience as you come to terms with this new way of life. 

I would recomend a book called "Sweaet Grapes by Jean W Carter and Michael Carter. I'm not sure whether it is too soon to read it now but I read it last year and really wished I'd read it earlier.I ordered it off the internet as I couldn't find it in smaller book shops.

We are 2 years on from the decision you have just made and we are getting our lives back together and counting our blessings.

Good luck and keep writing on this site , it does help. 

Let
 

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Hi Tricksy,

Just wanted to say hello and to re-iterate what Let says about coming here when you need some support.

Travelling sounds great. I have not done a big trip, but my brother has and it has given him so much. My own horse kept  me home as I wanted to concentrate on all the riding and competing that went on hold during the years of miscarriage and IVF. Then I put her in foal and that has been an adventure in itself!

Hope your future holds good things for you too,

Jq xxx
 

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Hi Tricksy

Just wanted to add my welcome to that of the others.

Having endured a lot of pain and expense, we called it a day a couple of years ago and painful though it was at the time, two years on life is great for us. It still has its painful moments without doubt but it can good.

flipper
 

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Tricksy hon, welcome  ^hugme^

I'm so sorry that you find yourselves here after a hell of a journey. I think it can be a lot to adjust to living without the planning involved in clinic appointments etc.

Can't better what the other lovelies have said to you - just be very gentle with yourselves and take things one day at a time. We're here for you.

Much love
Emcee x
 

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Hi Tricksy

Just wanted to say Hi  ^hugme^

I know how hard this is, my circumstances are very similiar to yours although we decided on no more treatment over a year ago. 

I completely relate to what you say about giving yourself a break from the drugs.  It takes time to find any motivation but I have just started running and although it's hard, the weight I gained from the treatment is beginning to shift but more importantly it is making me feel better, like I have some control over by body!  Don't be hard on yourself, give yourself time to be sad.  It sounds like you have a great relationship and I wish you both lots of happiness.

Foxylady  :-*
 

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Hi

I am a newbie to this site and plan to do a separate message about me shortly. I just wanted to say that I too put on weight due to the treatment, but I started the Paul McKenna system/book on getting thin etc, and it really works. I would recommend it for anyone who has been through what we have, because it isn't a diet and it is one of the kindest ways I have found to lose weight.

Thinking of you.

Rachel ^hugme^
 

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That's really interesting, Rachel.  I've just looked at his website, and I might give it a try ...

Jx
 
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