Donna - glad you enjoyed bms! The odd drink here or there won't do any harm - think of how many people get pg on drunken one night stands. I drank a bit too much yesterday too - some lovely sparkling wine - and was also feeling a little frisky, but dh fell fast asleep the moment he lay down.
We actually sort of managed sex this morning, but the d****d thing came out just at the crucial moment! This definately needs more practice. I'm on day 8 so have a few days to get to grips (no pun intended) with all this before bms time. I enjoyed the moments leading up to penetration, but then it feels like fun is over and we have to move into the hardwork stage. I'm concentrating so hard on what I have to do that I can't possible relax and enjoy it. I reckon it's like learning to drive ; I thought I'd never master that but somehow managed in the end.
I'm sure we'll get there one day............maybe.
Emma I know exactly what you mean about it being fun leading up to teh actual penetration I feel like that to and nearly always bring myself to orgasam before that stage just in case (sorry tmi) I really want to try and wait so that if possible I can orgasam around the same time as DH as I have heard this really helps when ttc.
Tried bms again last night but some how with Dh's broken arm just couldn't get into the right position it was all very awkward and in the end gave up, at the time I was really disappointed especailly as we had had such success in the morning, but giess it just wasn't ment to be last night. I am sure 'normal' couples having sex have there difficulties sometimes especailly if one of them has a broken arm! so I am not letting this defeat me and will be trying again later!
Didn't have serge on opk this morning so thinking I must be ovulating tomorrow (day 16)
I don't think the odd drink will do any harm at all being relaxed has got to help.
when we had IUI I stopped eating and drinking everything that I shouldn't it didn't help me get a BFP though so for the next few months I am trying to be more relxed about the whole thing if that doesn't help then I may think about eating or not eating certainthings again.
Plenty of people get pregant by accident or have worse diets than me!
Anyway its my birthday on saturday and I will be having a drink then, even though I will be in 2ww! I have spent to many birthdays or christmas's not drinking that this time round I am trying not to let ttc completly take over everything, we will see how long that lasts
Its very quiet on here, feel like I am talking to myself! you guys obviously have weekends that far more packed then mine
Can hear myself saying it all ready and really don't want to but maybe this will be my last birthday without a child! there I've said it now! lost the count of how many times I have said that though!
Bms was a success today, the problem last night was we weren't really that in the mood when we got started then we had the angle all wrong! anyway back on track now.
Can also hear myself saying maybe this time is the one! If its a BFN this time round it will be harder to take than the first time.
The first time as with IUI you don't really know what to expect or know what your doing and nobody really expects things to work first time do they.
Bms first time was uncomfortable, we only did it the minimum of times and weren't even sure we were doing it right so no surprise it was a BFN.
However, second time round as with IUI you are more familar with what is happening and see no reason why this time it might just work even though the odds are stacked against it. Bms this time round as been more enjoyable although still a chore at the start. we have managed it more times this months and feel a lot more confident about the whole thing so a BFN will be harder to take I think.
We took the second failed IUI attemt harder than the first.
sorry feel I am rambeling now hope it all made some kinda sense, I want to remain positive by thinking that this time it really could work but then cant help thinking that it takes soem people years adn the odds a stacked against us so by thinking positively I am just setting myself up for a fall!
oh what to do what to do!
I've been wanting to come on here all day but dh has been hogging the computer! I haven't been doing anything exciting at all, I'm afraid, but a very pleasant day nonetheless - walking the dogs, pottering in the garden and at the allotment, reading the papers etc. Dh is cooking now - yum, yum! I love cooking, but he is so much better at it than me.
I'm glad you had bms success today. It must be hard for your dh with his arm! I think we should try in the daytime, rather than wait for bedtime when it is too easy to fall asleep.
Having said that I am planning bms practice tonight! I wish it would work easily so that I can just enjoy it. It still feels like such hard work! We used a new lube this morning - the KY warming jelly - and it was such a weird sensation! At the time I couldn't feel anything out of the ordinary but later, even though I'd had a shower, I could feel my insides kind of burning!
Donna, I've decided to give up the non-drinking too. I think a few glasses in moderation can't do much harm. I can't put everything in life on hold indefinately. I'm sticking to the no caffeine rule though. Supposedly now you shouldn't eat peas, beans or soya products around ovulation time. Typical! I've got masses of broad beans just ready for eating at the allotment. I'm going to eat them today and tomorrow then hold off until after ovulation just to be on the safe side.
I have returned!!! I am absolutely knackered, so just another quickie I'm afraid. Kids were good as gold yesterday although the youngest had a bad cough and woke up at 3am. There were both then awake for 45mins. Eventually nodded back off til 7am!!! It's bloomin hard work looking after little ones. It's made me a bit more relaxed about it all. Not in such a rush to give up my lies ins just yet!
I'm thinking we might be due to do bms this week. Hope it's not the weekend as we've got friends coming to stay. Been feeling frisky again this arvo, but DH has gone out with the lads.
I've got a chick flick on DVD ready to watch. Just going to go and get my p.j's on and settle down with my blankie.
Emma - I had never heard about not eating peas & beans during ovulation. To be honest I'm thinking botox to the lot of it. Everything in moderation as you say. Every other woman seems to manage it perfectly alright without drastic measures -why not us!?!?
Sounds like you've had a lovely relaxing weekend. Bms will start to work easily. It all just takes a bit of practice, like anything in life. I just had fun the other night and didn't worry too much about dh being in all the way or not. Felt like he might have been, but didn't bother to feel around and find out. It didn't seem to matter that time as it wasn't ov time and I just wanted to enjoy myself!!!!
Donna - I say that every occassion - "maybe this is my last Xmas, B.Day, Anniversary, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Easter, Valentines" etc etc etc. Believe me - you're not alone. We all wish it hun.
Sounds like you've totally mastered bms now. I take my hat off to you! Wish I could have that level of success. Or maybe I do? I'm just never confident I'm doing it right! Definitely don't think we did it enough last month. Must do more this time.
How's your Pops doing? How much longer will he be in the hospital?
Polly - How are you doing?
Anyhoo - off to the chick flick for me. Speak to you tomorrow xxx
My dad is okish thank you think he will be in for atleast 2 weeks though. My dad had leukemia and had a transplant nearly 2 years ago, he is back in the same ward where he had his chemo and transplant, it felt reallt weird going back there. he now has shingles and has lost the top layer of skin on his tummy, side and back because of the tissue loss they are treating as if he had 3rd degree burns anhyhow hope he will be out soon but unfortunatly looking like he will miss my brothers and my birthday.
Not sure I have complelty mastered bms, still worry that DH isn't in even though I know he is.
I ma totally all for everything in moderation, had peas with my roast tonight and I don't care as you said Annie others get pregnant without even thinking about it so why should all these different foods effect us.
Really hoping its time this time round
Emma good luck with BMS, not sure about warming lube. do you think you will use it again?
so far I am managing to do it most of the time without lube but do need a lot of foreplay
Annie - welcome back! Glad you had a lovely, if tiring, weekend. I never went to Batman in the end; I'll wait for a rainy weekend.
When have you rescheduled your smear for?
Donna - sorry about your dad. I hope he's a bit better soon. If he can't be out for your birthday you should take your birthday to him!
The pea thing was in the news last week. Supposedly when sperm is exposed to peas it gets overexcited, moves around too much, and then dies. A third of the sperm died within an hour of being exposed to some chemical that is in peas, beans and soya (begins with G but I can't remember the name), whereas normally it can live for a few days. The people who did the study suggested that if you ate peas around ovulation time the G-chemical would be in your bloodstream and kill off the sperm. I know these things should be taken with a pinch of salt, but I'm not going to risk it! I normally eat lots of peas and beans, although not much soya. Mind you, I'm sure in the 1950s and '60s people ate nothing but peas and yet they somehow managed to reproduce. I had some broad beans with chilli and garlic last night though and they were delicious!
I am feeling quite frustrated today. We had another attempt at sex last night. yet again dh slipped out. Well actually I am so confused. I can't work out if he slipped out, and then ejaculated over the entrance, or whether actually it did work properly but was just rather shortlived. To me it felt like the semen was just at the entrance, whereas when we managed the bms last month I could kind of feel it inside. Mind you, then it was daytime and I was up and about so the leakage feeling was more obvious. Last night I just went to sleep afterwards. He definately was inside at some point. He wasn't even sure quite what happened, but thinks it slipped out. I feel so confused and ignorant. I don't know quite what is happening, or what I (or we) are doing wrong, and so I can't work out what we have to do differently for it to work. It feels like we're going one step forward and two steps back. It was all the more frustrating because the leadup to this attempt had been really, really nice, and I was actually relaxed and enjoying myself. I wasn't worried about what would happen next because I was naively thinking it would all be fine. We used next to no lube, so I don't think that was the problem. I'm worried that dh will give up wanting to try if it keeps being a disaster, although he says he won't. Also I'm on day 9 now, so we are coming up to bms time and it really has to work. I'm so impressed that you all seem to have mastered the art of sex, and wish I knew what the secret was!
Sorry to go on. I am seeing Dr Sex tomorrow, so I guess I can talk it through there.
Oh Emma - I feel exactly the same way. I don't often know if we've done it properly and if something went wrong what it was so I can try to fix it for next time. It is incredibly frustrating. I guess the only answer is practice.Although I'm getting too impatient and don't want to wait for it to work. I'm off for IUI!
I'm feeling really frustrated today. Increasingly of late I've been sat at work thinking there has to be more to life than this. Every day I trudge in here, sit down, listen to the same people moan about the same things, process the same work and I'm just a bit fed up with it all. I think I'm feeling a bit claustrophobic with it all at the moment and really want to give up work and bum around the world for a while. I feel like I need to do something more with my life than this everyday. I want to do something incredibly life changing, but it's not practical. Can't afford to give up work, can't go anywhere because of IUI.
It really helps to know that someone understands the frustrations of sex! I think I/we need Polly's expert advice! The rational part of me thinks I've waited 11 years for sex with dh (I'm embarrassed and ashamed writing that) why should a few more weeks make a difference? But the emotional part can't wait any longer. I am the kind of person who goes crazy when I fail at something, and I beat myself up over it. My instinct is to give up and pretend that whatever it was wasn't important to me, but sex is so important now (for its own sake and for ttc) that I can't do that. This goal is so near yet seems completely unattainable at the same time. It is so silly really, as this time last year I couldn't manage to insert anything at all and never imagined I'd be able to. The only real obstacle in the way of having sex is me, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing wrong or what I could do differently. I feel really angry with myself and wish I could have a different body and mind that functions properly. Sorry, I'm being such a miserable b****r today!
Annie, how you feel about work sounds like how I felt a few years ago after years in the same job. Is it because the life changing thing that you want is a child, or do you think that you need a change of direction at work too? What I'm wondering is whether if you were to get pg soon would you still feel discontented with your job? I guess once that happens you can't change jobs immediately because of maternity leave/pay etc. Is it feasible for you to reduce your hours a little so you have time to do something else?
Do you feel, like me, that your life is on hold because of the problems and all-consuming nature of ttc? I wish that if I was never going to have a child someone could tell me now so that I could come up with a plan B for my life! Much as I enjoy each (or most) day, when I look at the grand scheme of things it seems so aimless. I wish I could do something to make a difference to the world and help people, but I don't know how or what!
Sorry, I keep rambling on about me.
Having decided that I would hold off from IUI for a while, I'm now wondering whether to forget IUI and go straight for ICSI? It is all too much today.
Take care, and come back here and let it all out!
Emma, what would I do without you. I am sat here reading your note and nodding my head frantically and saying "hell yeah" & "me too" You've absolutely read my mind. You've just described everything I am feeling perfectly.I give up and pretend it doesn't matter when things don't go my way. I will beat myself relentlessy over things and absolutely hate not being able to do something.
I sometimes wish I could strap a little camera to myself somewhere in the vicinity of you know where so I can look back after and see what's going on! It's not the easiest job trying to have fun, relax and have a look at what's going on down there + try and feel "is he in?" i just need someone to take a look and say "yep, you're doing it perfectly". I need some reassurance!
I do need to have a change in job. I wish I could do something more worth while that'll make a difference to someone's life. I work for one of the best companies in the U.K, but it's not enough anymore. I'm hoping for a huge windfall so I can afford to stay at home and do lots of charity work..... Or total flip side. I'd love to own/work in a bookshop come tea room type place. Somewhere that has big cosy sofas inside for the winter and lovely tables and chairs outside for the summer. In a really quaint but busy location. Have authors come in and do readings, especially for little people.That's the dream anyway. Who knows the lottery might come up one day!
But am I feeling like this simply because I'm not getting what I want and my answer is always to try and find something new to take my mind off it
I do think that that if I was to become pg I'd feel very differently about this job. In the first instance it would be enough to know that I would be leaving fairly soon for a long period of time and then I'd only work part time and could do lots of other nice things.Part time or reduced hours is not an option for us at the moment. We need the pennies to fund the extension!!! If only I didn't like the finer things in life!
It does feel like my life is on hold while we wait to see what happens and I do wish someone could tell me if it's ever going to happen for us. It is still very early days for us all but I guess cause of years of vag problems it's been a long road already for everybody. When I think of all those years of IVF my friend went through I still feel like I might be light years away from the dream.
You're not being miserble Emma, not at all. I'm so glad we've had this chat today. I feel so much better knowing I'm not alone in these thoughts.
Oh Annie, I feel so lucky to have met you. I don't know what I'd do without you too! Much as I'm sorry that anyone else has to go through this vag c**p, it means so much to know that other people understand what I'm feeling. Dh, bless him, tries but sometimes just doesn't quite get it.
The more I've thought about it today, the more I feel that I really want to do something useful with my life. I'm sure that I could be brilliant at something, if only I could find the right something! Like you, maybe I just want a change to detract from the real issues that are bugging me.
There was a TV programme a while back where couple who had problems with their sex lives had experts tell them what they were doing wrong. I never actually saw it, but I think they had to film themselves and then the experts would watch and give feedback. At the time I thought why would anyone in their right mind subject themselves to this, but now it is almost tempting (apart from the fact that friends and family would see you on TV). I wish someone could observe dh and I and advise us! When I first started seeing Dr Sex I was terrified that she'd say dh had to come along and that she'd make us attempt sex on the couch to see what happened! Somehow or other we have to figure it out ourselves.
Got to go now, but I'll try and check in later. Take care petal,
I took out all of my frustrations on the stairs this afternoon by stripping off the paint. I have to go on a mega decorating spree next week in preparation for putting the house on the market. We've only been here for 3 years and have already decorated it all once, but dogs are very good at destroying paintwork. I also cleared out one corner of the sitting room, and now it loks all empty and weird. We have too many books and CDs, butdh and I can't agree on which to get rid of.
I'm seeing Dr Sex tomorrow. Part of me is really looking forward to it, because I really need to talk though stuff with her, but I'm also so scared. I just know I'm going to cry and make a fool of myself yet again. I also wanted another go at this sex lark tonight, but dh is working very late so it seems unlikely. Tomorrow we move into the bms zone, for what it is worth.......
Hope you are all OK.
Got to go now. Sweet dreams everyone,
I have no where near mastered sex, far from it! Once again we just couldn't do ealrier this evening! just couldn't get it! I blamed DH and we ahve been digging at each other ever since!
Thing is its not even the sex that bothers although the feelings of being some kinda freak are all flooding back! We had got used to the fact that we might never have sex so it diesn't bother us for sex reasons its all about ttc, if that makes sense!
So everytime we fail its like another month I wont be pregnant, and I just can't take it anymore. A close friend of mine suggested that we just enjoy sex for a while, learn about each otheres bodies etc take our time and pregnancy will come! I have been trying already for 2 bl***y years and its ok for her to say realx and enjoy the sex when she is f***ing 6 months pregnant!
sorry I don't even know if my rambelings make sense I just want to be pregnant so badly! I want a family of my own, I want to look into my babies eyes and see its unconditional love for me.
work is pants at the mo! I am really ebjoying it and it is keeping em very busy but can't help feeling they are taking the p*** ou tof me! Dad is hospital! brother got taken to hospital today as he has started to self harm, but I don't know why! and what kind of sister does it make me if he can't come to me!
Dh is off work and although we are making a conpensation claim that doesn't help us make ends meet now does it! we already had more going out than coming in and now we are only on 1 wage!
When I read all that I suppose its lucky I am not pregnant with all that going on!#I don't seem to have anytime for anything! I am working 8-6 but still never seem to get anything done!
Sorry to come on here and moan but everything is too much at the mo.
Thought I had finally mastered sex but no! there are just more and more problems. DH and I seem to be arguing cause of all the stress of everything not just sex! WHY CAN'T I BE NOMAL!
Oh Donna, you poor thing. You have so much on your plate at the moment, I really don't know how you cope. If you are working from 8 to 6, plus travelling time, I'm not surprised you never have time for anything else. My view is that you are under so much stress at work and with your family and your body reflects that; perhaps it is just too tense to have sex.
I'm sorry about your brother, but you can't blame youself for this. Has he done it before?
What your friend (the 6 month pg one) said about sex is what Dr Sex has said to me, and they just don't get it do they? I feel that if I were to get pg then I can focus on enjoying sex because the pressure is off. It wouldn't be so desperately urgent for it to 'work' on certain days of the month. I have roughly 10 years for childbearing, but I have the whole of the rest of my life for sex, so it is obvious to me which should take priority. I would love to have 3 children, although getting just 1 seems impossible at the moment. It is all very well people telling you to just enjoy sex, as though you've somehow taken the decision not to enjoy it.
Donna, you are such a strong and determined person that you will get through this, even if things feel completely out of control at the moment. Try not to beat yourself up over the unsuccessful bms yesterday. You have already had a few goes this month haven't you? When do/did you ovulate?
Annie, Polly - how are you today?
I'm so scared at the thought of seeing Dr Sex today. It is so silly, because she is lovely really, but she has a knack of probing all my weak points (but I guess that's what she's there for). I'm sure if I could talk to her just as a friend over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine sitting in comfy armchairs it would be far more successful. Something about being shut in a horrible hospital room with a doctor makes me feel like such a freak.
More paint stripping for me this morning.
Take care everyone, we will all get through this together!
Boy do I need your advice today everyone. I have a huge dilemma, but we'll get to that in a minute.
First things first...
Donna - It'll all be alright hun, although you have a huge amount on your plate at the moment it will get better. Your brothers self harming is not your fault and you are not a bad Sister. I'm sure there are things that you tell us that you wouldn't want to talk to your brother about and maybe he feels he couldn't talk to his family about how he's feeling right now. It sounds as though he's in the right place now and will get the help he needs. Only your Brother can heal himself inside and feel good again. Of course you can support him and I know you will, but this is a journey he has to follow by himself.
I'm quite sure that your financial situation is probably worrying you day and night. How about talking to a financial advisor and seeing if they can help improve your cash flow? They often have good advice and it'll be a weight off your shoulders to have someone sort it all out for you.
Have you got any time off work coming up soon? How a bout a long weekend at home with DH? Nice little break from the pressures of work and a chance to spend some quality time with your hubbie.
With the bms side of things, you know you can do it. You've done it a handful of times before. As patronising as this may sound, it really wouldn't be a surprise if it didn't work last night with all these worries. I know when my Dad was really poorly and I was up and down to the hospital with him and worrying about him leaving me I stupidly still insisted on trying bms and it was never gonna happen. My mind was elsewhere and there's no way I was relaxing enough.
I know how important it is to you to try and get it right for ovulation time again but it's not going to happen unless you can unwind a little bit. How about a relaxing bath and some nice music before hand or whatever you feels will help take you mind off things?
You know what's best for you and I hope you don't feel this isn't what you wanted to hear. I do understand Donna and I'm here for you xxx
Emma - Best of luck with Dr Sex today.Don't be scared of going.Every meeting with her is a step forward in the right direction. Soon enough your "weak spots" will cease to exist and you'll be a strong woman having lots of bms and the 3 babies you dream of. You're doing really well, just keep going, keep being open and honest with her and never be afraid to release the demons that lie within!
The Dilemma - I feel absolutely terrible and a bloomin awful friend. I've dug myself into a right mess.
I spoke to my friend last night whose just had the twins. It;s her Dad's birthday party on Saturday and myself, DH & Mum were meant to all be going. I stupidly forgot all about the party and invited some friends down to stay with us. Friend sounded a bit upset when I told her I couldn't go to the party and now I feel that I've let her down.
She's one of my oldest friends. She a bridesmaid for me and me for her. We're all close to each others family and so on. This is the only weekend DH can have off work for about 3 months now and friends have organised their time off too. It'll be late notice for them to cancel and they're beyond excited about coming down.
Text friend last night to apologise again and said I would drive down Friday night or Saturday before friends arrive to see twins and her parents, bring gifts and grovel. Don't think that was enough somehow. It is her Dad's party rather than hers and we would only need immeadiate family, which I know is no excuse.
Either way I upset someone this weekend and I feel like I've really let her down.
Annie - you really are caught between a rock and a hard place there! Here are my thoughts:
* Would your mum (or is it dh's mum) still be going to the party? That might make your absence less hard to bear.
* Could you take the other friends (the ones staying with you) to the party too?
* You can't really abandon the ones staying with you, so I reckon you have to somehow fit in a trip to the one with twins at some point.
* Or is it feasible to spend the daytime on Sat and Sun with the friends who are staying with you, but encourage them to do something on their own (eg go out for a meal) on the Saturday evening, allowing you and dh to go to the party?
You haven't let anyone down - you're human with a busy life and have made one little mistake. I'm sure all sides will forgive you and see the funny side in due course.
I have visions of you spending Saturday evening dashing between 2 venues hoping to keep all parties blissfully ignorant of what you are up to!
Well, my time with Dr Sex this afternoon was really good, and realy helpful (isn't that always the way when you work yourself up into a state about something). She thinks I'm not doing anything wrong, and that actually it could be a bit of a problem with dh. Her view was that he was overwhelmed by excitement or pressure or whatever and is temporarily losing his erection, and that is why the d****d thing keeps slipping out. It makes me feel a lot better. Somehow I have to talk about it with him, but I don't want to make a big deal out of it for fear of a non-problem turning itself into a big problem. She said that because the focus has been on me for so long we've lsot sight of the fact that it takes two to tango. I go back to see her in a months time - and she wants me to bring dh (not sure how I feel about that) - so that gives us time to talk about stuff and work on it etc.
I actually have some good news today. I got my exam results (RHS horticulture, taken many moons ago, well March) and somehow, to my surprise, got a distinction! . I had to keep rereading it to be sure!
More paint stripping now. It is taking forever, but I actually quite enjoy it.