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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have made the switch to formula.

My head is in a really bad place, I broke down in front of the midwife due to the issues with prep in the theatre and she has ramped it up (with permission)with the advocate and she has taken it to her matron. The advocate is coming out to my home today to take notes and then I will be offered a debriefing with the hospital who will say it's all in my head and to get over it. Been there, done that.

So today/yesterday my nipples were.cracked, sore and bleeding. I had pain in my abdomen and generally feltΒ  like a bag of [email protected] Putting Biggles on as absolute torture and I just thought I've had enough! Sent DH to the shop and bought formula. Fed Biggles formula and he didn't have another bottle for 4 hours. Breast was 1-2 hours. And it ws an absolute relief. So now, I have 3 days of engorgement which I shall take super duper pain killers (codydramol) And have either green cabbage leaves or cold compresses in my bra.

With everything going on physically and mentally, breastfeeding is a step too far. In the first few weeks it's a hard journey and you have to be physically and emotionally strong to get through some of the harder days. I'm not that person at the moment. It doesn't change the way I feel about Biggles,he is my absolute miracle and I love every inch of him. I just can't feed him naturally anymore.

I had to take the dressing off on day 5. We hadn't got a shower which helps so th went out and bought 1 that goes over the taps. It's fabulous! I was very frightened doing it and got him to stay in the room with me the whole time. Actually it came off easier than I expected under the shower head. I still had jelly legs and was trembling afterwards with shock I think. I wasn't cold. Because of my issues, th asked if he could drape my dressing gown round me as he knows, I don't want to be physically touched by anybody. He feels absolutely helpless and useless to help me. Can't comfort me because I don't want to be touched by him or anyone else. I'm okay with the kids obviously, they don't feel like a threat to me. Everyone else feels like a threat. Brain is in fight or flight mode and I've picked flight atm. Maybe I will get strong enough at some point to pick fight. Who knows?

But Biggles is perfect in every way. I was shocked when DH found photos of my other kids as newborns and Biggles is the spitting image of 3 out 4 of the kids. My 11 yr old has always looked like DH, right from birth, but all the others took on my genes. I must admit epigenetics is a wonderful thing. I don't understand it fully, probably never will, but it's either excellent matching on Penny's part or epigenetics has stepped in and I've turned off and on the cells that wouldn't have occurred if he had gone in another womb. It's truly amazing!!!

I feel cheated slightly. It feels wrong to say he was born,because in my mind he wasn't. I didn't get to the finishing line, he was removed from my body and then he was here. So he just arrived. Yes, my head is proper messed up. It isn't post natal depression at all, it's just the circumstances surrounding his "birth". It doesn't detract from how much I love him, how possessive I am over him 🀣 how much I protect him, just took the shine off his arrival a little I think. But I am so proud of him.

He was weighed. He had only lost 3.3 % of his birthweight which is good for breast fed babies. Midwives start to get concerned at 10% or above, so it was good. He should start piling it on now he's on formula. I don't honestly care that much where the milk comes from as long as it comes from somewhere and he thrives. My eldest 2 were bottle fed and they were fine. 3rd was combi as he didn't like either particularly and was on solids (with HV recommendations at 4 months) he refused either of the milk. He's fine. My youngest was ebf for 4 months and combi until 6 months when my milk dried up and then formula and solids. He's fine. Biggles will be too, of that, I have no doubts. Just glad that option is there.

Prefolds and terries are going wellΒ  he actually feels like he has a bottom. Disposables are just awful πŸ˜‚ hang off him. First time user of cloth and I really wish I had done it with the others, but you can't do anything if you don't know about them.

Right he's beginning to stir, so I need to get a bottle sorted. Shall pop back soon.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Appts from the health visiting services c9me through today πŸ€”

So I rang them and declined. The poor woman on the other end kept saying Oh! Oh! Oh!. So you don't want our health visitor to visit your home and introduce herself. Nope. I don't want the health visiting service at all thanks. But, everyone has us. Well not me, she asked why. And I responded it's my 5th baby and health visitors are not compulsary. But what if you need support or have concerns, well I'll go to the doctors or whichever agency I need. Well you have vaccinations appt with us on 20th March. Bearing in mind, I may not have decided what I was doing regarding vaccinations. So I said you can cancel that as I'll have them done at the doctors thanks. All my kids have been vaccinated. Just not through the health service. Again Oh! So can I have your telephone number. I asked why? She said we need to get in touch for his 1 year and 2.5 year check. I said no. As rhat will be the health visitors getting involved in my family life and I don't want or need it thanks. Oh! If I have concerns, i will get in touch with the relevant people. Oh! So you really don't want the health visitors around. No I don't. Right I shall process your decision I said fair enough. Bye.

I'm now (maybe paranoid) expecting a social services visit. How sad is that? Good job my house is in order.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
So Biggles is 8 days old and midwife has been. He hasn't gained any weight yet, but neither has he lost any weight. So with my permission, she is coming back next Friday for a final weigh in.

She s checked my wound and it's infection free. Agreed on 2 more days dehydration and major pain killers. No stimulation to nipple and cool shower head on blocked ducts. 2 more days and I should be back to normal breast wise.

C section. I feel fine. I've done a couple of loads of washing and I'm feeling stronger now. Would love to drive but I'm not allowed. So contented myself with doing an online food shop. Exciting times 🀣

Better go, Biggles is stirring.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
So slowly getting into a routine.

Nappies washed nd drying, bottles washed and sterilized. Baby clean and dressed.for the day.

Boobs are get4ing better slowly. Still on pain killers and dehydrating myself. With midwife advise andΒ  guidance.

Parts of the tummy is still numb. But that's normal as well. Scar is healing nicely. Moving around a lot better albeit slower than usual. Still have to be careful getting up and down but I suppose im only 9 days post cesearean so not doing too bad.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Lovely day today. Got up, washed and sterilized bottles, washed the nappies and wraps. Cuddled Biggles. Cleaned up slightly. DH did most of it. Then we needed bread so I invited the kids along to goto the park afterwards.

Managed to push the buggy down the hill, all the way to the shop, up the first slant of the hill tothe park and then the second slant became too much for me. 11 yr old was walking with me, so I asked him to push the baby up the remainder to home. He looked as proud as punch to be pushing Biggles.

There were kids on the park today. About 10/11 yrs old. I was absolutely disgusted with sheer aggression they displayed towards each other and the foul language 😱. I could only stay there listening to it for about 10-15 mins, and Then I'd had enough. My kids polar opposites. Quite happily playing tag with their dad. No foul language, no aggression and looked very innocent in comparison. I have said when we go to the park again,  we shall goon the weekdays when the regular kids are at school. I can't be doing with regular kids, seriously they're horrible.
One kept using a scooter and scooting past my pram and missing the hood with the handle by about an inch. No matter how close I pull3d the pram in. But I shall be going park as it is helping to aid my recovery.

Now just drying the nappies I'm so glad Biggles is on formula. Day 5 of dehydration and major pain killers and I feel almost normal. Boob pain is at a minimum and I only occasionally catch my c sec scar wrong. I almost fell like me again. Phew!

Both kids adore Biggles. Eldest still hasn't been down to meet him, but I'm sure he will at some point. Maybe 🀣

Biggles is wonderful. Now he's on formula, he's not a stressy bessy any more. No cluster feeding and getting upset. He drinks 3-4 is every 3.5 hrs.Β  In between he sleeps for about an hour and a half. Bedtime, he feeds, gets bum changed and sleeps for 3-4 hrs afterwards. Still has 3 feeds feom 10 pm onwards throughout the night,but it's not stressful and im not feeling as tired as I was. He is absolutely lovely, both of us can't believe we have been this lucky.

At 46, I am the proud mum of 5 boys. Eldest being 25 (26 soon R.I.P) , 22 (soon to be 23) 11, 8 nd 10 days old. And what I have noticed is that as an older mum, I am so much more patient when littlest is getting a little upset if it's taking too long for the milk to cool down. I just cuddle him in closer and kiss his hair and head (not lips, ever) and talk quietly to him. She the others were babies, when they got stressy, I joined rhem. There is a lot to be said about being a mature mother. So chilled with him.

I can honestly say he is so absolutely adored by every One in this household. Kids love him. Mum loves him. Me and DH absolutely heads over heels love him. I don't think I will ever stop being grateful to Penny and Serum.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Health visiting service is really grinding me down. As I've always said right through the pregnancy, I will be declining. A midwife said she would ring them for me, clearly she didn't.Β  ^bigbad^

Then when Biggles was born, the appts came through and I rang "The Hub" and declined, last week.

Yesterday was the day for the supposed initial meet, so the health visitor rang me to say she was on her way. WTAF!!!! And to add insult to injury, it was the previous health visitor who forced me to put my 8 yr old in nursery as he had what she called "Cling issues and separation anxiety" so a kid has these issues and a health visitor thinks that separating him from the one person he wants to be with is going to help.?!?!?!?Obviously it didn't! And the only things that helped was time and development of maturity. Obviously me always being available for him. Trust. Attachment. Love bombing. Making him feel secure. Not bunging him in bl00dy nurseryΒ  ^bigbad^

So yesterday -Β  I said I dont understand why you're ringing me when I declined the health visiting service last week to the receptionist. She said why would you do that and what did you call your baby? So I said his first name through gritted teeth and said because it's my 5th baby and I know what I'm doing? She said how big was he? So I said why? She said cos you just said he was a big baby. So I replied no, I said 5th baby, I don't have big babies. Then she said well I thought we got on? And I said it isn't a case of whether we get on or not, (feelings are so NOT mutual, but didn't say that) it's a case of he's number 5 and I don't need your input thanks. So then she said, I was looking forward to meeting your new baby. I said im sure you'll get over it, what do I have to do to decline this flipping service. She then said I had to put it in writing to her boss. Got the name and address and have written, took a copy and posted the letter. Hopefully it will arrive in the next couple of days.

She also said that their workload isn't that bad and really wanted to see us. And I was like, with respect, i dont want or NEED to see you. She said what about the 6-8 week check up and vaccinations. And I said my GP can do them, I've already checked, so there is really no need for you to bother coming out. Just be glad it's one less family on your list. Oh the workload isn't too bad anymore she said. So I said well it's even better now as I have made my feelings quite clear to anyone who would listen, I don't want health visitors involved, thank you. Have a good day. Bye. And put the phone down πŸ˜‚ They absolutely make my blood boil!!!

Bunch a do-gooders, do it by the book and think they know better than the parents. And yes, they're good for first time mum's who maybe haven't had any previous experience with babies (childminding, babysitting) but I'm an old hand at this. Plus, the one that obviously got assigned to me is a stuck up busybody who always thinks she knows best (I know pot, kettle πŸ˜‚) but she would see my home educated boys and make waves for me. Ooh, they should be in school etc, etc. 1 child would end up killing himself if I put him back in school, the other wouldn't cope with the various rules and regulations that school brings. He would cope socially, when they're allowed to socialise (break times) but he wouldn't cope with any other aspect of school. So I'm afraid, health visitors and home educating families do not make comfortable bed fellows. And it isn't like I don't know what I'm doing. Cos I do. Biggles is happy, healthy, I have no concerns.

The midwife is coming Friday to weigh him again and discharge me. On that score, I do hope he's put a bit of weight on. I can't tell as he's on me so much. He's asleep on my chest as I'm typing this. So he always attached in some way and I can't tell if he's put weight on or not. I assume so, as we're having to move out of early baby babygros and move on to newborn, which are slightly big in the arms, but nice and loose on his legs and feet.

He's taking 3.5 ounces of formula every 3 hrs. Doesn't sick up much at all. From 7pm though, he narrows the timescale between feeds until we go to bed at 10pm. Then he's 3-4 hrs throughout the night. So I think he's taking enough to put weight on.

The midwife is lovely. Such a shame she s discharging me. She has loads of friends that home educate and she understands the terminology of unschooling and doesn't judge at all. Unlike the prissy, jumped up health visitor. She very much judges - I remember that from the 8 yr olds babyhood. And She p*&^ off as well!!!

Hopefully now the letter has been sent, this will be the end of it. If not, the next time I get a call, I shall tell them I have been taking records of when they contacted me, even though I've made it quite clear, all the way down the line I'm opting out of the service and I shall be doing them for harassment.Β  ^bigbad^ ^bigbad^ Lets hope it doesn't come to that!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
3 fluffing hours to set up and apply for universal credit ^bigbad^ ^bigbad^ ^bigbad^
And you can only do it online, all well and good if you have an email address (which my husband didnt)so I've had to set up absolutely everythingΒ  ^bigbad^. 3+ hrs of my life I won't get back. Fluffing Nightmare. And the government says universal credit simplifies the benefit system. Er No, don't think it does. So now we have 5+weeks to wait for a payment of any kind, if we pass our interviews next week. Anyway, in other news -

Midwife came today. Checked my scar. It looks nice and clean with no sign of infection so that's good. 1 area still has scabs on and she says it will take a couple of weeks to fall off. To be honest, I don't know what it looks like down there, as I don't like the kangaroo pouch I've been left with and I think that area (still a bit if a swollen tummy) looks pretty fluffing ugly now, if I'm honest. Certainly uglier than it looked before. So I've been discharged. Any problems, get in touch with GP. Told her the latest saga with health visitors. She s said if it carries on, once they have received the opt out letter, I'm to get in touch with PALS, as it's turning into harassment.

Regarding Biggles -Yes he has finally started to put weight on. On day 5, he had lost 3 ounces if birthweight, so 7lb. Then last Friday, he was still 7lb. No loss , no gain, so I agreed to this weigh in today, 1 week later. I can now happily say he is 7lb12oz. So he's doing well. And midwife agreed with me that even bottle fed babies cluster feed. He goes 3 hrs between feeds in daylight hours but around 7pm, he narrows it down to 2 hrs and drains the bottle. Then again at 9pm. And then at 10pm (bedtime) he expects another feed. Throughout the night, he then goes between 3-4hrs between feeds. Hubby didn't believe me that bottle fed babies cluster feed. But I knew I was right.

Its a shame I won't see her again. I got on with her and trusted her. And She let it drop out her 2 kids are ivf babies. She had to ask the contraception question, even though she laughed as she said my GP asks me about contraception even though my last ivf baby was 9 yrs ago. And there's never been a whiff of a pregnancy since. But still ..........πŸ˜‚



 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Biggles due date and his daddy's birthday! Biggles is already 16 days old.Β  And just slept 5 hours between feeds!

No presents or cards for daddy because of money worries and I can't drive yet.

Might get J, 8 yr old to bake a Victoria sponge for him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Take a wild guess who ended up in hospital overnight, Saturday night. Due to me not having time to do my clexane or forgetting. They suspected pulmonary embolism (clot on the lung)but after 12 hours, they decided I have muscolurskeletal pain in my chest, not the symptoms of a heart attack on clot on the lung. I was allowed out at 9.30 am on the proviso I actually start taking the clexane. So I have done. Set alarms on my phone and I have promised I will slow down and start resting more. It's difficult, but I guess that's the way It has to be.

Right, I'm going to make a cheese and ham sandwich as DH has disappeared again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Monday afternoon. Registered Biggles at the doctors. Also, got an appt for Tuesday morning for myself and 11 yr old. All day Monday, coughing up sputum.Β 

Tuesday. Areived. Went in. Chest infection from the tube down my throat during c section diagnosed. Antibiotics given. 11 yr old told to increase brown inhalers to 3 tines a day to try and sort his cough out. Altogether a good, productive appt.

She also checked my tummy nd scar as I had said I was getting pain still. She was amazed at how flat my tummy is and said uterus is soft as it should be and the reason for the pain in the that area is a lot of stitching was done and those stitches are still pulling at this point. That makes sense. Now, I can cope with the ongoing pain, as I know what it is. Been off painkillers for 3 days now. Sock of taking them to be fair. So I shall just cope.

You can see he is putting weight on. He now has the start of chubby, chipmunk cheeks. Legs and arms still lookΒ  bit like like chicken wings, but I'm sure the rest will fill out soon enough. He's now on 5oz of formula every 3-3.5 hrs in the day. 7pm-10pm he cluster feeds. And from 10.30 pm to 3.30/4am, he sleeps. I've had to actually wake him this morning to feed. He will then wake 3 hrly after this feed.

He loves the big bath. Doesn't like the sink. Adores lying in the big bath with me. He literally lies there and floats. I push him around in the water and he stays in a good 15/20 minutes. Atm I don't put baby products on him at all. He looked well cute tonight when he came out the bath. We wrapped him in 8 yr olds Spider-Man towel/tabard with a hood.  Got a photo of that. Just well cute! Dried him down, dressed and cuddled him. Fed him and bed. Now he needs to wake up again to be winded 😍 not proving successful 😏 will let him rest for 15 mins and try again.

So many hours fly by just holding him and being completely enthralled with the faces he pulls, or the way his fingers curl round my 1 finger. Not a second wasted ❀

So, he's on weakened milk. Same as my other babies. His poor little stomach wasn't coping with the sheer thickness and was showing signs of constipation. So now, the same as my other kids he's on 6 oz of water to 5 oz of milk. Constipation has been sorted, he's now pooing easily and without pain. He is gaining weight and his feedtimesΒ  are lengthening, especially overnight. No doubt I shall keep him on weakened milk until rhere is no need for formula at all. Just like I do with the others. Hasn't done them any harm over the years, so I can't see why it should harm Biggles.

At first I wasn't very confident with him, been an 8 yr break from babies (not through a lack of trying) but now, all the skills and hacks are coming back to me and it's so wonderful. Confidence is soaring and I absolutely love being his mummy. Just the best feeling ever!

Kids think he's wonderful. Always asking to hold him or help wind him. Haven't offered to change him though πŸ˜‚. Think that might be a step too far. He doesn't cry much. Only if I get my timings slightly out, but I'm getting better at that. I really don't like a stressed out baby just before feed time as it makes for fractious feeding. So I try to time as near as possible. Relaxed baby, relaxed feed.

Have been driving for a couple of days now. So much better. Not to have to rely on anybody else. Tummy might be tender in one area, however, the scar isn't. So I'm confident I would be able to do an emergency stop and not have it rip open. Anyway it's that low down (seriously)that my belt doesn't even sit on top of it. Belt is further up. They literally cut open across my pubic bone I have no idea why, or even if that's the normal place. But as the doctor says, you won't even be able to see my scar when the pubes have grown back. And even she said, "wow!that's low down!, I've never seen one that low down before" I assume it's normal. Who knows?

If admins want to now move this diary across to parenting section, please feel free to do so, but can you send me a message to let me know.Β  Thank you. I feel ( for now at least πŸ˜‰) my fertility journey is over. It could change. Knowing me πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Don't think the husband would be pleased though πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Right, wind him, or try to as he's currently asleep on my belly. Wish me luck!!! πŸ˜‚


 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
How am I doing? Struggling a bit mentally. The physical toll of recovering from section and chest infection is affecting me mentally. A little bit down atm. Still caring for Biggles of course. I do most of the feeds day and night and most of the nappy changing. He dies cleaning bottles, washing nappies and keeping the house in order. Looks after the other 2 most of the time.

I took all 3 to a local forestry centre yesterday. Didn't realise how h3avy the pram was to get in and out of the boot. Dh decided to stay home, so no help there. Probably not good for 3wks post section to be lifting something that weight, but what choice did I have. 11 yr old was me struggling, so he helped me in the end. And helped me put th3 pram back in the car and get it out at home and. He can be so kind and helpful. Other days, not so much. But I was glad of the help he gave me.

Sick of the post partum bleeding. Think I'm done, get slightly active and it comes gushing back. Probably got another 3 weeka of this in all honesty

Mum took a pop the other day - " Why do you keep holding the baby when he's asleep? You should put him down, you'll spoil him!" And I just looked at her and said "why not?" Th3 way I figure it, you can't spoilΒ  baby. He's spent 9 months inside me, he's going to want to be close to.me as often as possible. He also went stay a tiny baby for long, and will be up and doing soon enough, why shouldn't I enjoy sitting and cuddling my newborn for most.of the day and night. Its not as if I have anything spoiling, like food to cook or a house to clean or whatever. And even if I did, I would still think it's more important to cuddle and enjoy my baby. So she can do one. She may not have parented like this, but I do. And She can keep her opinions to herself.

Boys are loving having the baby around. 11 yr old likes holding him and actually does a good job. Biggles fell.asleep on him earlier. Eventually 11 yr old said can you take him, my arms are aching 😍 So of course I moved him.

I think he's putting on weight. He's back to between babygros. Some too small, others too big. I weighed the kids the other day. And then put Biggles in 11 yr old arms on the scales, but couldn't workout the difference. Think it was about 8 and half pounds difference. Not sure. I don't want to go to the health visitor clinic just for a weigh in, would rather not know than get those people involved.

He's been registered at the GP surgery. So all good. Hopefully they will get in touch for the 6-8 wk review, if not its easy enough to book in.

Right, atm I have friends on here messaging me. Lovely messages. I have tried to reply to the messages but for some reason it's saying I don't have the required permissions. I have contacted admin on here and I'm waiting for a resolution to this. So I have read messages and tried to get back in contact. Thinking of you x

Suppose I better get some sleep now little man has finished feeding and been changed. Will pop back soon enough no doubt.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
So quick (or not so quick πŸ˜‰) check in.

I'm now pretty much back to normal. C scar has 1 sore bit. But, I'm back to taking the kids to their home ed events, climbing, trampolining, karate, dance and yesterday we added swimming lessons to the mix. So driving, and taxiing everybody. Still can't push a full shopping trolley, but I will get there.

Mentally I'm still struggling. I think its how intense antenatal was as well as the prep they did and disnt warn me before they were doing it on the surgery table. I don't like feeling like a piece of meat at the best of times, but it also ramped my anxieties up to more than 100%. But I guess I have to accept that this is my new normal. I love having Biggles around, but the shine has been taken off slightly by the mental struggles I'm having. Its also had a knock on effect on my marriage he daren't touch me or kiss me because of how I'm feeling. So we feel quite disjointed. Not quite the team we were. I'm sure it will get better in time.

I weighed myself yesterday. 9st5lbs, so not far off my pre-pregnancy weight. Which is good I then held Biggles in my arms and the scales jumped up to 10st. So I'm assuming he's around 9lbs now. As finally, the health visitor isn't hassling us. It took writing a letter to the health visitor hq to stop the hassle, but hopefully it's finished now.

I have my thyroid/diabetic appt on Monday.. My GP mentioned my bloods had come back and cholesterol was a little high, but didn't mention anything else. I'm not worrying at this point, I expected my hormones to be all over the place and cholesterol couod realistically be slightly higher as GD diet was high fats and low carbs. No sugar. Guess I'll knkw more on Monday. Monday us going to be busy. Got to drop kids and hubby at climbing, then rush all the way back to my home town for the appt. Trying to figure out how I will manage to feed Biggles around all this. Hubby will bring the kids back on the bus. Then straight home and get ready to take J to dance. I simply don't have time to be ill/recover from surgery. So I'm sucking it up and carrying on.

Right, someone is stirring. Think he has wind. I better go and sort him out πŸ™‚
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
It was my first born Son's birthday on the 3rd and my 2nd son's birthday today. I took him a chocolate she's cake, com0lete with candles (rainbows and unicorns to make him giggle) some money and h3 got to meet his Biggles finally. We have face timed side Biggles was born but the first time they've met and had a cuddle. Very surreal!

So then a woman in Tescos after celebrating with my son looked amazed when I said Biggles was mine. She hadn't even realised I was pregnant and we spoke to her 3 weeks before I had him. So although I thought I looked humongous (by my standards, yes I did) it mustn't have been that noticeable, or she thought I had middle age spread πŸ˜ͺ🀣

So then my mum brought me back to earth and said "she probably thought he was your grand child, what with you being mature and having grey hair!" Humph! I've had grey hair since I was 9 yrs old. Does that m3an 'll my kids have been viewed as grand children? Pfft!?!?!?!

So I wonder how she would feel if theoretically I saved up for th3 next 2 yrs and went in for another πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ 48/49 and sporting another son. That would be a right laugh!!! No it's not a.serious thought. B3lieve me.

Cholesterol high. Hba1c good. For now. As I am jumping food like no tomorrow. Thyroid good. More bloods in 6 weeks. Consult in 3 months.

Apart from that, not a lot happening. Biggles has constipation and a bit of colic so it's very draining at night. However, a warm (washing up bowl in front of th3 fire) bath seemed to help him poo tonight. So might try that again tomorrow.

Tak3 care all

Xxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Been a hard week, medically and physically.

Biggles has constipation and the doctor has prescribed lactulose 2.5ml twice a day. It does seem to be helping. Although be was still in pain today so I ran the bath and got in the bath and DH passed him to me. Whilst in there, I massaged his poop tubes and that seemed to calm h8m down. I rest him on my crossed ankles and he absolutely loves it. Go3s really calm and relaxed immediately. I'm not surprised though as I was having baths ever6 day when I was pregnant.
Hospital appt for me at the beginning of the week. Thyroid is fine, stick to 50mg once a day. Cholesterol is a bit high but I'm not overly concerned yet as I expect my hormones to be out of whack for a while.

Scar started hurting and inside. So I got an appt with the doctor and yes, as suspected, there is n infection starting and he has put me on antibiotics again. Anyone that says c secs are statistically easier than vaginal births (for me anyway)are talking out their bottoms. 5 weeks on, and I've still got pain and I'm running an infection. With my vaginal, I was up and out the b3d within an hour, home with8n 6 hours and off doing my normal stuff with8n 24/48 hours. No pain, no worries. This birth and the aftermath is ongoing and bl00dy hard work. I've never taken so many painkillers.

The lactulose for Biggles seems to be helping, but it's still tough trying to console him when he's trying to poop and it's not happening. Hoping it will get better in time.

The boys absolutely adore him. And they always remember to wash their hands if they want a hold of him. It's lovely to watch them. It may well change when he's 18 months and turning off the internet to watch their reactions πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Well the bath has exhausted him and he's put himself to sleep by the side if me. Such a cutie. He is so worth 3 yrs of investigations for underlying health issues and sorting them, gestational diabetes and ultimately the cesearean from hell. Not that I have previous cesearean to compare to. All the infections, and the endless reams of pain killers. For all that, I must definitely would not be without him. My world rises and sets wirh him. All my kids set this feeling off in me but more him at the moment as he depends on me for absolutely everything. He/they are my everything. Nothing else matters but their happiness..

Don't think I'll ever stop feeling so lucky and so blessed.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Poor little Biggles is suffering still. May actually have to buy a baby bath 😱 as warm water does seem to help. He had a right screaming session last night because of constipation and the only thing that calmed him down was playing the greatest showman album ....... again!

Antibiotics seem to be helping my c sec scar. It seems to be getting better. That's all that counts for me physically... mentally I'm a little better. I'm guessing this will take time.

DH is moaning that it's been ages since we were intimate. 😑 he can carry on moaning. Don't get me wrong, has been patient. But I'm shattered most days. I do day feeds and night feeds. I do changing every bottom as he's (his words) too slow at doing cloth nappies and baby gets upset. Well if you don't practise, you don't get faster. And honestly, rhere not that different from disposables. I use a pocket wrap and prefolds, which have already been set up. So all he has to do is remember you don't put them as high on the back as disposables. Pull the tab part upwards and popper up. I mean come on, is it really that difficult? He mainly makes bottles, cleans up occasionally and cooks meals. Spends most of his day, making milliput models or drawing or on the x box. I spend most of my day, cuddling and consoling a very uncomfortable baby. Shopping. Driving people to wherever. Feeding a baby, changing a baby. And he wonders why I don't look at him with lust in my eyes! Flipping man up and start pulling your finger out your bottom and I might look favourably upon you!!! Not too favourably mind πŸ˜‚

Been to the surgery to arrange 6 week post check up. Apparently my surgery doesn't do the post check up till 8 weeks and then does the vaccinations on baby at the same time. I'm a bit took back with that. It's always been 6 weeks. Still whatever I suppose.

Not a lot else happening really. The days zoom by. I can't believe he's nearly 6 weeks old. How is that possible?
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Biggles has started smiling in the last 3 or 4 days. 😍😍😍. There's nothing quite like a baby's smile. Lifts your spirits and makes your heart sing.


Constipation is getting better slowly. Mainly down to me stopping the lactulose which was causing awful stomach cramps and in desperation on Sunday morning (after a god awful Saturday and even worse night) I nipped to Morrison's and bought prune juice. No judging please! I gave him 1 oz of prune juice diluted to 3oz of cooled boiled water. So 4 oz in total. His stomach cramps started to subside a little and 4 hours later he had pooped with minimal pain. At the moment, he has diluted prune juice in the morning when he starts to strain and again in the evening if he hasn't managed to poop. He is so much happier and calmer. So for me, this is exactly right for him. He is still on 50z of milk powder to 6 oz of water. It works for him as it did my other formula fed babies. He has extended his time between feeds from 3 hours to 4 hours in the day and 5 hours overnight. So the milk is definitely the right strength and consistency for him.Β  I kept my 23 yr old, my 11 yr old and my 8 yr old (after he refused boobs at 6 months)Β  on that strength till fully weaned and all of them are healthy kids. They gained weight steadily and had lovely rolls of fat on them. So I know it doesn't harm them.

Where Biggles is concerned, the GP also suggested weakening the milk and I had to admit I already was. With my other kids, the health visitors suggested it and again I already bad done so. The dangerous thing to is more milk powder to less water and that is something I would never do.

Biggles is chunking up nicely now. His thighs have some meat on them, his cheeks are lovely and chubby and his arms aren't stick thin now. He has moved up to 0-3 months in some clothes and 3-6 months in other, in part down to his cloth nappy as they're big and bulky, but the 3-6 also fit his length and girth.

He still sleeps quite a lot, mainly on me. πŸ™‚ and he loves being swaddled. He likes the car when the ignition is on. Screams when it's not. And he absolutely adores his brothers. Sits and "talks" to rhem and smiles at them now....... a lot. He's still not completely okay with his dad yet. Although dad spends a lot of time upstairs, out the way and let's me deal with Biggles, so what does he expect? The kid doesn't know him, so doesn't like spending time with him.

However, I had a go at hubby the other day about this...... after 6 hours of baby straining and screaming and virtually inconsolable. I dealt with Biggles for 6 hours on my own! Comforting, holding, bathing, massaging, cycle legging him and after 5 hr+, hubby (who had sat beside me watching dvds the whole time 😑😑) said "Do you need any help with him???) As i had just managed to calm the baby down and get him to sleep 🀬😑🀬😑 "No, I f*&^%$g don't now was the reply. I also said " you make his bottles with the prep machine throughout the day, you don't change his bottom ever, you don't help me when he's like this and in pain, I feel like a single mother. And if you continue to sit with your finger up your ass and let me deal with this on my own, I will be a single mother! Get your fluffing act together NOW!!!

Monday I got to take 8 yr old to dance without Biggles and yesterday my mum and i managed to do 3 hrs of shopping without Biggles. I don't know how long this will last for, but it's a welcome break. Enjoy it while it lasts. He even managed to change a cloth nappy in my absence. Shock!Horror! πŸ˜‚ Lets see how long it lasts before he slips back into old habits and he has to have another kick up the ass!

Right, Biggles is straining slightly, so im going to go and pump his cycle legs to help him.

 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
We've been to a new ball park for a home ed meet up today. Of course Biggles stole the limelightΒ  ;D ........ as usual! My other boys were spoken to and all the mum's made sure my boys were definitely involved in conversations, but when they were off playing, their focus was on Biggles.

I did try to allow one of the mum's to hold him, but, he's all me. πŸ˜†πŸ˜ as it should be. As hubby says "if he was a baby chimp, he would be holding on to his mother the whole time. It's natural Biggles wants to be with you!"So all good.

I shall rewind though. This morning I thought I need a bath. What to do with Biggles? So I took a pillow and a duvet quartered up and placed over the pillow. Biggles is showing signs of reflux/colic So I try to keep him tilted. He was fairly sleepy so I swaddled him and lay him on the duvet. I got a bath in peace. Then I was a mean mummy and woke him, bathed him and washed his hair. Noticed cradle cap, so afterwards I smeared Vaseline over the cradle cap, waited half an hour and then rubbed it off carefully with a slightly rougher towel. He now has no cradle cap 😊 All the old fashioned tips and tricks are coming back to me.

Spent the evening cuddling him and making up prefolds and pocket wraps. Now in bed and he's flat out. Had a good feed. Put half an ounce of prune juice in his bottle as this really does seem to help him on th3 constipation front. He now has minimal pain with pooping, so I've reduced it from an ounce twice a.day (diluted in either milk or cooled boiled water) to half an ounce twice a.day. If he copes with that, then I shall reduce to half an ounce once a.day. This should all take about a fortnight. I'm also carefully changing his formula from aptamil to Aldi mamia. After watching dispatches and there all much of a muchness, same ingredients etc, laid out in strict guidelines, if I continue to buy aptamil, I'm paying more for the brand. When they're all virtually the same. I pay Β£11 for aptamil which lasts a week. Also the box is 800g. Checked Aldi mamia and it's Β£7 and 900g. At the moment, money is mega tight, so I think mamia is the way to go.

Kids start gymnastics next week. I'm wondering how 11 yr old will cope when he realises parents aren't allowed in. 😱 but we shall give it a shot. Yes, money is still very tight, but this is a free sample session. So we shall play that one by ear. They're also at the local trampoline meet up next week. Just want to give the boys the best opportunities I can as we are completely responsible for their education.

So I had an unveiled question moment concerning age in McDonald's today. We were all eating and I was feesing Biggles and a member of staff came over to look at him. Said he was gorgeous blah. Now I have grey hair. I've always had grey hair since the age of 9. And She blatantly asked if he was mine? I imagine she assumed the older ones were mine but I was either child minding or he was my grand child. So I replied mine. And She then said God I bet he was a shock to the system after the massive age gap between him and your older kids. And I said no, he was very much planned and wanted. The shock on her face was class. She then said well I bet you're feeling it this time round, compared to your other 2. And I said other 3 actually, I have a 23 yr old. Again shock!And I went on to say, I'm actually finding this one easier in a lot of ways than the others. As a mum in my 20s and 30s, patience was an issue. However as new mum in my 40s, I have oodles of patience. And no, he tiredness levels is no different. She couldn't believe it. Said I was very brave having another at this time on my life. She couldn't do it. I wanted to respond with "Well no-one asked you to!"but instead I smiled and said thanks. I wimped out!!!! So glad I won't ever get the whispers and the stares at the school gates as he won't ever set foot in one. She then wandered off to do her job.

Right, I'm going to get some shut eye while I can 😘
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
I think the ether or whoever is conspiring against me/us. More money worries. Why m I not allowed to enjoy my pregnancy as was and why am I not allowed to enjoy my new baby boy.

We (adults) took the decision to not apply for universal credit and he would get a job. HAHAHAHAHA! Eventually he said apply for universal credit while I look at getting a job, at least we'll have an income. Number 1 - Has he looked? Has h3 beggary 😑😑😑

Number 2 - what I predicted and he pooh pooped it, won't happen babe had happened. 😑😡😑😠😑

I shall explain.

I am disabled. I drive a specially adapted car with hand control through motability and Personal Independent Payments. He is my full time carer. So I stated I didn't want to apply for universal credit after EmploymentSupport Allowance said I wasn't disabled enough and wasn't pregnant in Dec 2018 and declared me fit for work. I said if we ever had to move over to UC, it would trigger a PIPΒ  review and no doubt knowing this govt they will declare me magically cured from an incurable condition and I will lose my PIP and my car. He said no that won't happen.

Guess what's happened???? First payment of UC and we get back from the kids swimming lessons to find the PIP questionnaire through the letterbox. They need me to answer questions about my condition and I may need to be re-assessed in due course. With this current govt,Β  we already know the outcome. Just carry on hitting the vulnerable and the poor. I shall have to be reassessed and they will deem me magically cured. I shall lose my money and my car. I will do mandatory reconsideration and I will get turned down again. Just like I did with ESA. I can of courseΒ  appeal but rhat takes months. Months of uncertainty and stress.

As it is, with our first payment of UC we are down 100's of pounds already. And we have to pay rent out of the payment. Mum has been thankfully for monthsΒ  been paying for petrol, food, gas electric. Now she will have to pay all that as well as whatever the kids need. Because of this massive reduction we've already took. My direct debits are Β£300 a month (yes excessive, nothing I can cut) and with what we got and a financial breakdown, after bills and rent and council tax, (before pip gets taken off me) we will have Β£50 for food, petrol gas, electric to last us a month. How the actual fluff are we meant to stretch that far? And if this continues, how do I pay for everything when my mum dies?Β  Oh yeah, she's even had to take over buying the dogs prescription food. So there are some harsh decisions to make.

1. The dog needs to be put down as I simply can't afford him anymore and at 14 with health issues it's not fair to put him in rescue. No-one will take him on.
2. Rehomethe cats or put them in rescue. They don't bring us money in and their a drain on finances.
3. Get Biggles a passport ASAP.Β  When I lose my car, there is nothing in England to keep me here. So sell everything in the house and relocate to Bulgaria. The cost of living is cheap. And my mum has probate on my brothers shoddy properties over there. Gather as much money as we can and start a new life in a country I hate, with food I hate, but at least it's cheap. Other half start doing handy man jobs over there for the British expats as the British expats don't like Bulgarian workers as they do half a job but demand all money up front and never finish the jobs.
4. There is no number 4. If he gets a job in the UK, were still as worse off as we are now. He trained yrs ago ad a warehouse operative. Isn't good money in warehousing. Plus it's all agency or zero hours contracts these days. I don't want to have had a child, and Then get others to care for him (at great cost) just to get enough money to get by.

So we are now officially living below the poverty line. Except the govt stated there is no poverty line anymore!
Honest to God, I feel like sticking my head in the oven right now. Except it's electric πŸ˜‚ So I would get nasty burns, nothing else.
And all the while, I still struggle with the c section. That's the gift that keeps on giving. Infection after infection and a nasty kangaroo pouch. I always hated my stomach before, but it's a whole new level now. I still can't lift certain things and that's 7 weeks on. I still have flash backs and bad dreams. I failed at breast feeding because of the physical pain from the c section and the mental anguish I was in. As I say, cesearean section -the gift that keeps on giving!

I'm starving now, but I'm contemplating whether or not to eat. If I eat, we have to find the money to replace the food I've had. If I wait till breakfast and have cereal, cereal is 99p from Aldi. That's doable. If I have to replace full meals, that will be more expensive. Decisions, decisions. How much would an omelette cost to replace. I might have an omelette.

I had an eating disorder in my 20's. Managed to go 6 weeks on an apple a day and water. Dropped over a stone. Got me down to 6 and half stone at the time. I don't really want to go back to those days, they were very dark days, but I'm thinking I don't have much choice financially. As long as th kids are fed, and I have money for Aldi formula, nothing else matters. Could do with dropping a bit of baby weight πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‚

I'm sure the Gods are conspiring against us!
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Filled in the form, hubby wrote his carers statement. Photocopied the form and have sent it off. Asked one of my dance mum friends (who lives opposite me) if she would be able to help take youngest(sorry not youngest anymore πŸ˜‚)Β  to dance and back home should I lose the car as I will be housebound. Dont quite knkw who I'm going to ask for climbing and trampolining though πŸ˜”

We had local councillors come round on Sunday. "Are you going to vote for us?" Type spiel. They got very short thrift from both of us. I have voted every time local and general elections have come up. Very aware of what women had to go through to get the power to vote in the first place. But, you know, over the years, I have come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter if you vote or not as our voices as a nation aren't listened to, and every councillor/party are.after the power, feathering their own nests and all Rob the poorest and most vulnerable members if the nationwide community to give it back tothe rich. So there's no point voting. They will do what they want, when they want and how they want regardless.

Look at brexit. They in my mind didn't really get a definitive vote to leave, however it was a vote to leave. The day after, they came clean and said all the propaganda about Β£350m would go to NHS etc were all lies. Which I saw through. Years later, were still no closer to leaving, and a revoke article 50 petition has reached 5million signatures. I believe if more people had seen through the BS at the time then remain would have won. Personally, I don't believe brexit will ever happen. Too much in house squabbling as none of th3 govt want to leave regardless of what their mouths are saying. Which is good for me πŸ™‚ as the plan is still to emigrate if things get much worse here for me and my family. Why stay in a sinking ship when I could start a new life in the sun. In a country where the corruption from the very top downwards is transparent. You know exactly what you're getting. Unlike this country where the corruption is always lurking in the corner,but the govt aren't transparent about th3 corruption.

Slightly other news. I have filled in Biggles passport application, and am taking him to get his photos done today. His counter signature person is free Thursday,.So I shall fit that around trampolining. Then pay up and wait 2-3 weeks and Biggles will be ready to fly!

Just got to ring the solicitor and see how everything is progressing with my brothers estate. Hopefully it's moving forward so we can sell all the houses and buy a property (better condition) of our own. Then were gone! If not, there is one company that does monthly payment plans on his houses. So if we're no further forward, I will seriously look into that option.

Why is it that Biggles always does a πŸ’© in the middle of the night 5 minutes after I've changed his bottom!!! He even has the cheek to smile at me beforehand and then drop his guts. Bless him πŸ˜‚ Makes me laugh really. I then change him again. I'm not having a stinky boy lying on top of me or next to me πŸ˜‚.

We have our post partum checks on Thursday. No immunizations until the week after as they need to get an imms nurse in. It's a very small surgery coping with a big list of patients. So just have to be patient I guess.

Should I tell the GP hat since the cesearean I get really restless legs in bed at nightΒ  it can be quite painful. And also I get random stabbing pains in my right hip. So much so, it takes my breath away. I possibly should mention these, if I remember.

He's waking up, so I better go.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Ran out of prune juice (went off) Tuesday night πŸ˜• Wednesday morning lots of crying as he couldn't poo. Unfortunately kids had an early class for gymnastics, exclusively set up for home educated children. So we had to wait until class was over. Biggles had a bottle there and promptly did an absolute pukenami over their floor. I was mortified. Gymnastics was good, boys enjoyed it.
Afterwards, we went and bought prune juice. Got it home, diluted it, fed him and spent all afternoon and evening consoling a very unhappy baby who still couldn't poo. This morning, I gave him some more as he was still uncomfortable and an hour or so later, poo arrived! Thank God! Minimal pain and he looked so pleased πŸ˜‚ So was I. He's now calm and gone back to sleep.

Boys have trampolining later and then Biggles and I have our 8 week post partum check. Should have been immunizationsΒ  as well, but the surgery haven't got an imms nurse in the surgery till next week. So post partum check for me, 8 weeks health review for him and then book his vaccinations appointment.

He had a lovely bath last night, in with me. Bath was full of bubbles. πŸ˜‚ He looked well cute, surrounded by them. I kept putting his feet on my belly and saying push! When he did push, I made him "swim" πŸ˜‚ I'm not sure if by the end he was understanding the word push or it was just a lovely coincidence. Probably coincidence. But even the slightly warmer than he's used to water didn't help him to poo. It honestly felt quite cool, but when he was taken out, his skin was pink. Oops. But, to be fair, he didn't cry at all in the bath l, so it can't have scalded him as such. And he was very relaxed and calm in the bath.

More cradle cap found and eliminated. Vaseline rubbed into his scalp, waited half an hour or so and used a prefold to run the Vaseline off, along with the cradle cap. Scalp feels lovely and smooth again now. And he has hair growing back where he had gone bald. Just the front of his head. Very weird. But it's growing back now so all good.

He's very snuffly atm. So I keep putting snuffle baby on the soles of his feet and inside the shoulder part of his vest. It does seem to be helping somewhat. Only hope he's got rid if the sniffles for next week. Secretly hope he doesn't as we will have to delay immunizations. I feel as he will be home educated he doesn't really need the vaccinations but his dad is adamant he's having them. I know as the mum I can overrule him, but atm, I'm willing to allow it to happen as long as he takes him, he signs the consent form and he holds him down while somebody stabs his tiny son. Yes, the other lads have been done. I know in my heart of hearts it's the right thing to do, for him and the community but .........

The only vaccinations I've had are polio and rubella. Mum didn't agree with vaccinations and as such I didn't have them as a baby. In those days at 14, you were asked to take a vaccination letter home and my mum and i discussed them at length. She said at 14, I had the right to make my own decisions concerning immunisation and I chose not to have the one where you and up with a circle scar but have the rubella (always wanted kids) and the polio as it was on a spoon. I have never bothered to get immunized as an adult. And as irresponsible as it sounds, I've always been okay. But meningitis wasn't around when I was little. That's the one that truly scares me. So he will get done, as it's best for everybody, him and the wider community, but I don't have to be happy about it. πŸ˜‚

He's stirring again, so I better sign off for now.
 
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