AF finally arrived so I am back on the pill which I hate as it goes against everything I am trying to achieve and of course turns me into a completely hormonal pyshco crying one minute and shouting at everyone the next I'll be great company over Christmas
Anyway the good news is that I finally have booked my first scan - on the 4th Jan which is as expected but its nice to have it official. If everything is ok, then I'll start down-reggging that day
So Ivy if you are starting at the beginning of January then I may see you in the waiting room some time. Will anyone else be around then?
EC yesterday, turned out to be an unmitigated disaster. I reacted badly to whatever drugs/painkillers/anti-emetics they gave me, and was barely able to stand by 2pm when I thought I would be long gone. Even the acupuncture I apparantly had while knocked out did not seem to help. They put me on intravenous fluids cos I could not keep anything down (despite 3 shots of anti-emetics). I finally ended up leaving at 9pm.
They managed to find 7 eggs, altough 2 turned out to be immature. The recipient was always going to get 4, and they said if I wanted the last one I could but it seemed a waste of time, money and effort doing ICSI on one. It is better for me that I get a whole go myself next time. Hopefully they will get a better response if they up they drugs. I knew they were not going to find many eggs, but I can't help feeling very disappointed about the whole thing. Feels like the whole cycle was a waste of time.
Sorry for no personals, too fed up today. Am sure you all understand.
Sorry, I've been a bit quiet of late ladies. Needed to get my head back in order as well as my work back on track - I work for myself and so getting motivated during and after a cycle has always been difficult
Big hi to Jo. Sounds like you been having a tough time of late and not helped by an egg collection from hell BUT you managed 5 mature eggs which you have donated to someone who I'm sure will be grateful to their unknown donor. Your gift may give someone the best christmas present in the world, not a wasted cycle In addition, the clinic willl know more about how you respond to the drugs etc and will watch you like a hawk next time and plenty of tlc during ec. I am sending you a big hug, and make sure you and dh keep hugging too
Thinking about 2005 and thawing 4 blasts.... scared at the moment, but know that I need to move on if we want to continue to pursue our dream.
Love to all
thank you for the warm welcome! Simone it wasn't me in the waiting room! Sorry! I was in on Weds and Friday last week.
I was hoping I could pick someone's brain.....I am in the middle of a Master's course to change profession and it has been a very stressful time for me. I cannot decide whether I should start ICSI in January during the course (I would have to miss some lectures for scans etc) or wait until July when I have finished. I think one of the reasons I cannot decide is that I have no idea of the emotional and physical toll it can have. Have you all managed OK carrying on working?
Jo, It sounds like you have had some very diffuclt experiences. I hope it all goes a million times better next time! And Olwen, maybe I will see you in the waiting room if I decide to go ahead with January.
I too had a very bad reaction to the anasthetic the first time out. I never do well on those things and always end up really sick. Ended up passing out naked on the toilet, saved only by the fact I had enough wits about me to pull the emergency cord. Didn't save my dignity though as hoards of nurses had to haul my fat bum up into bed! Ah yes, I can laugh about it now though...
I coped much better the second time around - they gave me a different cocktail of antisickness drugs and put me straight on a drip so I didn't dehydrate so much.
Sorry to hear you haven't got enough eggs for yourself too. I think you've done an amazing thing in deciding to go ahead with egg donation, under the circumstances. Don't know if I'd be that selfless in your shoes. If karmic justice has anything to do with it, I reckon you've not only given someone the Christmas gift they've always wanted, but chalked up mega plus points for your next go. I'll have a word with Buddah (or whoever is responsible for these things) next time I'm having one of my desperate cries to the powers that be sessions.
Jake; Great to hear from you again. Know what you mean about getting your head together. Yep, scary thing to think about thawing (because you've got a whole other set of worries then) but, as you say, gotta be done if you want to pursue your dream.
Ivy; Personally I think you'd be best to wait until after your course to start. Or at least only do the taking the pill part while on your course, as this won't affect you too much. Once you start down regging proper you'll lose all sense of proportion, plus your ability to recall even the tiniest piece of information, and you'll turn into a hormonal monster.
You probably be doing all that due to your course anyway, without adding tx to your troubles! Although only you know how well you can cope with everything.
I think I figured out why I've been up and down so much the last coule of days. Little thing called PMT! I'd forgotten what that was all about. Never been so pleased to see the old as I have now. So next few months we've got some planned, just because...well, why not! Hey, it's Christmas! I think I'm entitled to one little miracle, aren't I?
Probably, should a miracle not decide to bestow itself upon me, be up for a full cycle again some time in March/April....unless I change my mind again...er...
Sorry to be the bringer of bad news but sadly I miscarried last week . Whilst on holiday in the New Forest I started to bleed and knew it was going to all end in tears, the pain got quite bad and I had to go to hospital, they kept me in for a couple of days as there was concerns it was another ectopic. They think it was twins but we will know next week for sure. We are gutted but not surprised, even when we had the BFP we were really paranoid that something would go wrong. Don't know at the moment whether getting the BFP is a good or bad thing, I am really scared this is going to keep happening, going to ask Dr Jaya if she thinks I should have steroids. My big sister flew straight down from Aberdeen and looked after me for 5 days which was great she really helped me emotionally, she made me get up, get dressed and get out of the house........if she hadn't of come I think I would have just hid under my bedcovers and never come out again.
I always remember watching this thread before starting tx and at the time sadly Jake, Caz and Ange were all going through hell and I thought can I really do this? We can get through this it just takes time to bounce back ready to try again, you have all proved that.........I know one thing I am not going to let this beat me.......this week I found myself repeating a quote in my head that I think Caz you had on your profile.."Watch out for this is going to hurt like hell".....never a truer word said
Rob has been amazingly supportive and has not left my side he has been so loving and caring, we are closer and stronger than ever. He is being very positive and is determined that we will have a family one day. We wanted to do something to remember our lost little ones, it came to me when I was doing the Christmas tree. We are going to buy a crystal angel for each one and every year put them on our tree and hopefully one day watch our children hang them on there, It will be a happy time to remember them and will make us feel good in that we will always think of them every year and they won't be forgotten. The thought of it has comforted us anyway and that can only be a good thing.
Well girls - I am looking forward to the new year and starting tx again with you all . Maybe 2005 be our year and will bring us all good news. One thing is for sure there's going to be lots going on with this thread. We have 12 frosties....fingers crossed.
Janie40 - I was very sad to read of your BFN, nothing I can say will make you feel better, I just hope you are not feeling to down and will be able to have a nice festive time. Big hugs to you
Shupa - sorry to hear you have had such a nightmare treatment, sending you a big hug .
Jo - so sorry that you had a day from hell yesterday (((((((((hugs))))))))), hope you are recovering today?
Jake - can understand being scared about thawing your embies, but FET's do work, good luck. I put off having our FET cycle for ages as wasn't ready emotionally, then suddenly one day, bang, felt right!
Ivygreener - up to you, you'll only know when you go through it, purely because everyone reacts differently to drugs, EC, ET, 2ww etc. It's not easy but it's doable. I got promoted twice during my tx's and I managed but work were supportive.
Caz - enjoy your time!
Donna - incredibly sorry to read your sad news (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) to you and your dh. Your idea of the crystal angel for the tree is lovely.
Ah Donna. So very sorry to hear your sad news. I don't need to tell you I know how your feeling so from me and I'm here if you need to let off steam or just talk. The line in my sig was a lyric from a song called "Hold On" by Sarah Mclachlan - just summed up how I was feeling at the time.
2005 is going to be our year, I'm sure of it.
Donna. So very very sorry to hear your newsYour crystal angel idea sounds absolutely beautiful. I agree with Caz. 2005 will be the year
Ivygreener. Hi! Doing an ivf cycle is stressful and stirs up emotions you would not believe. However, I found doing nothing even more stressful (too much time to think about things!). Is it a fulltime MSc or are you working and doing the course part-time? If you are doing it on top of your 9-5 then I would opt to wait until the summer. If not, then you may find keeping yourself occupied useful (be aware that deadlined assignments with a potential jellyfish for a brain may be stressful though). BUT as Sue quite rightly said - everyone reacts differently, and sometimes differently on each cycle
Caz - good news that you're thinking towards the spring for another cycle
Jo - how you doing?
Sue - I'm having moments of absolute certainty that I can go for FET, then doubts creep in. The positives are getting stronger and am looking for my 'big bang' moment!
Donna - I am so so sorry to read your news. Love the crystal angel idea. In 2003 we lost two babies and planted trees to remember them visually. You have been pregnant and you will be again. I remember Sam Abdallah saying that to me as I cried my eyes out in his office after the second miscarriage.
Jo, what a shocking reaction to those drugs. How are you feeling now?
Caz, you are right - 2005 is going to be the year for so many of you and I cna't wait to read all your success stories on here.
Olwen, it won't be long till your first scan. Hang on in there with the pill.
hi to everyone else - I know I don't post on the thread too much , but i am always reading to keep up and thinking of you all and sending lots of
I'm considering Lister for my my first cycle of IVF along with others in london - wondering if you can give me any hints or useful info that might help me make up my mind. The cost at the lister is higher than others but if the treatment is professional and more successful then I'm willing to take the chance!
Thanks for your help, I am in awe of all your positivity and strength and hope its going to rub off on me!!
Sorry for not posting that much recently but we are about to go away and not only have I been really busy trying to get everything ready for our trip (and all the Christmas stuff done early so I can leave pressies etc with family and friends before we go), but I've also been trying to wean myself off the site gradually as I'll be 2 1/2 weeks without internet access
DH is Cuban and we are going to spend Christmas with his family in Havana. We decided to go after our last BFN - we decided to take a longer break than originally planned before our next tx so we could have something to look forward to and a really special end to what has been a difficult year. Am hoping a bit of sunshine and lots of love and support from DH's family will help me feel relaxed and refreshed and ready to start tx when we get back.
Got loads to do before we go so I wont write personals today apart from sending a HUGE HUGE HUGE and to Donna - I was so sad to hear your news and I'm thinking of you. The angels for the tree sound a really lovely idea.
Hope the rest of you have a very HAPPY CHRISTMAS and lets hope santa brings us all something nice - I've asked for a baby, but if he cant manage that then he could at least get some new and improved sperm for DH
Donna - I'm so sorry to hear your news . It does take time to get over and you're right, you will bounce back in time. The crystal angels are a great idea.
Jo - sounds like you've had a really rough time but you should be so proud that you've been able to give someone a wonderful gift - and next time you’ll be able to relax more knowing that they'll all be yours.
Jake - good to hear from you - glad you're still with us!
Caz - hope you're enjoying yourselves!!! My AFs finally arrived too - looks like my body's finally back to normal!
Savanna - going to the Lister will be a decision you won't regret - the care is second to none, everyone is so friendly - I feel like it's my second home!
Olwen - have a great Christmas in Cuba - it'll be great to recharge your batteries!
Ivy - I would wait a few months because the treatment does take over your life and is very draining emotionally. I've always worked throughout my treatments but my boss has been very understanding and has let me take time out.
Hope everyone is ok. I'm off for my acupuncture session now - see if he can work his magic!!
Savanna, I can't recomend the Lister highly enough. Everyone there is really nice and friendly and very encouraging. They do really look after you very well too. When I was chosing a clinic I was torn between Woking Nuffield and the Lister; I chose the Lister because it had some very positive recomendations from people on here and on some other sites. basically, I felt that all this IVF stuff is scary enough without having to worry about whether or not I'm going to be treated like an individual by them.
Sue: I think Leanne is off line at the moment. She mentioned something here a while ago that she would be without the internet for a few weeks.
I'm having fun - well kind of. Have just worked out that optimum ttc days this month will be somewhere between the 21st (my birthday) and the 25th December. So you can only guess what DH is getting for Christmas! Good job too because Amazon have let me down with the DVD I ordered for him. Hence I now have to go out and brave the shops again. I'm near apoplectic at the thought (I do about 95% of all my shopping on line because I hate shopping of any sort with a firey passion). Necessary evil though.
Thankyou all so much for your kind messages. It makes such a difference knowing that you all understand. My family do not even know any of what happened, cos they have not bothered to ask. Pretty hacked off about that. Ho hum. It happens. I am feeling better about the whole situation now. I know it made sense to do things the way we did, but at the time it felt awful. No idea when we will go again. Need to wait and see what happens with the immune treatment.
Going to bed now, so no personals. Sorry, will catch up soon!
I cannot believe i have been without the internet for over two weeks. It has been the most boring time of my whole life where im not working, so all i have done all day is housework and watch tv. What the hell did people do before computers were invented
Lots has happened in two weeks. Firstly, i finally became pain free in the ovary department and my sickness finally disappeared. I was beginning to feel quite normal again. But the i started to feel really dizzy and faint. Whilst out xmas shopping i nearly passed out in boots and the same happened every time i went into shops over the next week. Then disaster struck and i fainted in the middle of tesco by the bananas. I was so embarressed but didnt hurt myself.
GP says my blood pressure is extremely low and i was back on strict rest. Just as that seemed to improve pain in my tummy returned wednesday night. I went to see gp first thing in the morning who sent me straight to A&E for a scan. I have a cyst on my left ovary and apparently the twins keep kicking it causing the pain and making my ovaries twist about.
Although im over 12 weeks now my official scan date isnt until 30th december (thanks to my midwife) so it was a relief to see how the twins were doing. I cant believe how big they are. One was asleep sucking its thumb and the other gave me a wave!!!! They are 6.5cm now and im measuring 13 weeks which is good. My uterus is the size it would usually be at 18 weeks so as you can imagine i have quite a bump
It is going to take me forever to catch up on everyones news so bear with me. Im just so glad to be back. Have missed you all so much.
Will post when i have read back over the past two weeks,