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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
After my posting yesterday my bleed got a little stronger i was devestated i know myself my cycle has failed call it womens intuition.
I got up this morning and am having a full on bleed so i did my test and it was a BFNIs there any point in dragging the agony out till saturday test date as if i was surley it would of shown today as it is 14 days since ET or should i just admit defeet and phone the clinic with my horribol news.
Im so gutted cant stop :'(in i jus wanna disown my crap body. ifeel so useless
 

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Hi Shell,
^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^
Think clinic might well tell you to test again on test day, but phone them to ask hun.
A bfn is horrible Shell, and I understand completely how you feel, I could and probably have written those words about my body, so you are not alone.
Unfortunately nobody can take the pain away, the only thing to do is to  :'( and let it all out.
Though perhaps you should be waiting for test date to be sure, (not wanting to give you false hope) but reading around these boards, stranger things have happened!!!
Thinking of you,
Love Cindersxxx
p.s If you find yourself with a definate bfn, I found the negative cycle board a great comfort.
 

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I have experienced the exact same symptons as you and have had a BFN this morning on my test day. I do think we are probably right to admit defeat - I pretty much knew on Monday evening when the brown 'stringy' stuff started to appear. What I am interested to know is - does anyone know what this stuff actually was??

Good luck if you go for it again x :'(
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
phoned the clinic they said they would of advised to do the test early after any bleed and the result is pretty final.
Don think i could go through this again how come our bodies let us down so badly when we really need them.
The clinic offered me counselling refused it for now but as my husband at work I'm sat here really suffering on my own and think i might have it.
cant ring family as not ready to cope with their dissapointment as well as my own.
All my friends are pregnant or have just had babies and someone i know has just caught on icsi 1st time with twins WHY NOT US !!!!!!
 

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Shell - i had exactly the same as you - full on AF, tested a day early, BFN, did do a very quick test on official test day (still full blown AF), but didn't leave it very long so assumed BFN.

i found out 2 weeks later that i had been pregnant all along -

Please don't give up until your test day.  I know it is unlikely, but these things DO happen, it happened to me.

Good luck hun
 

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howlerlis said:
I have experienced the exact same symptons as you and have had a BFN this morning on my test day. I do think we are probably right to admit defeat - I pretty much knew on Monday evening when the brown 'stringy' stuff started to appear. What I am interested to know is - does anyone know what this stuff actually was??
Good luck if you go for it again x :'(
Hi & welcome to FF

Sorry to hear of your BFN. ^hugme^ The brown "stringy" stuff is just some old blood coming away. Sadly this sometimes leads on to full flow bleed of the fresher/newer womb lining and sometimes it's just your womb ridding itself of unwanted old womb lining as the new lining continues to plump up.

shellc1979 said:
phoned the clinic they said they would of advised to do the test early after any bleed and the result is pretty final.
Don think i could go through this again how come our bodies let us down so badly when we really need them.
The clinic offered me counselling refused it for now but as my husband at work I'm sat here really suffering on my own and think i might have it.
cant ring family as not ready to cope with their dissapointment as well as my own.
All my friends are pregnant or have just had babies and someone i know has just caught on icsi 1st time with twins WHY NOT US !!!!!!
I've always been like you I'm afraid....all 4 of our fresh cycles I had full flow red bleeding and tested on test day and it was BFN....this time I actually tested 1 day early (a real no no for me usually !) but I'd had a 5 day blastocyst transfer and was still testing at 10dp5dt. Our clinic normally test at 14dpt but as my embies were a little older when put back I was allowed to test earlier.

It is so hard when you get a BFN ^hugme^ If you feel that the counselling at your clinic would help then why not take it up ? However, I must admit that we never have as don't feel the need.....even though we've just had our 6th unsucessful IVF/FET which has hit us much harder than previous BFNs. I can totally appreciate what you mean about everyone around you getting pregnant....I'm older than you and pretty much every single one of our friends has children...at least 1 or 2, some have 3.....and many of us started ttc at the same time ! However difficult it is though, you just have to keep believing it will happen....if we didn't then we'd have given up a long time ago but we're not going to throw in the towel just yet ! I know it's probably hard to believe right now but you will get through this....a cliche I know but time is a great healer.

Take time to grieve cos that's what it really feels like, ensure you spend lots of quality time with your DH, pamper yourself, treat yourself....and don't ever stop remembering why the 2 of you are together in the first place. ^hugme^

Take care
Natasha
 

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Here, here!
Can't top Natasha's post.
Big hug hun  ^hugme^

I have booked my first counselling for friday. I'm a bit scared, and don't know what to expect, but what harm can it do?
Worth a try to help us get through this.
Love
Cindersxxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
thanx everyone for your messages they do help.
cinders please let me know if councelling helps as im reluctant it will change how i feel.
i feel like a failure especially when people you know caught 1st time. good luck to them id hate for everyone to feel like this i know it wont last but its still soooooo hard.
just debating if the pain is worth another try defo not for another 6 months at least.
how long does everyone else normally leave it.
i have jus wrote a letter to local MP aswel due to this bloody postcode lottery buisness 3 tries north yorkshire get nhs i got 1 been west yorks.
has anyone experienced same private is so expensive ( but worth every penny for our little ones)
 

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Hi Shell,
You are not a failure, though I understand you feeling it, I feel it myself  ::) ! We are just unlucky to have to be going through this.
I don't expect counselling to be any sort of miracle, but I have reached a point where I am finding it difficult to see the positives in anything in life. I want to try and return to a more normal state of mind, where I don't attribute everything bad happening as due to my IF. I have secondary IF, and I am so very very lucky to have my dd, but I interpret lot's of things she does (like if she plays alone independantly) as sad, and that she's lonely and it's my fault because I haven't been able to give her a brother or sister. I experience terrible guilt and feelings of failure  ;)! When I know it's possible that she is just playing happily.
I want to be able to see the good things in life again, which I don't seem to be able to at the moment  :(.
Perhaps we should put another post out there, counselling, or no counselling?
We could do a search to see if there are any previous posts.

Anyway, just one day at a time for you.
Take extra special care, and go easy on yourself  ^hugme^.
I needed a big break between cycle 2 and 3. It helped.
Lot's of love,
Cindersxxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
"yeah not  :'(ing today"
still well upset though have to start dealing with everyone Else's dissapointment today so that could still change.
I think I'm going to see a councillor as like many i feel its my fault as we has icsi, basically everything was done for us all i had to was house the little embys and make them comfortable enough to wanna stay (but i could not manage it)just want to know can actually get preggers.
going to join gym today wanna get totally fit loose some pounds even gonna consider acupuncture and defo cant contemplate another cycle till have available funds which will be years,
the feeling this morning is really wired empty, like i dont care about anything anymore.
The counseling or no counselling post is a very good idea bright thinking bat man
 

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It's not all your fault hun.
A lot of it is down to the embies, and whether they continue to divide. It takes two to make those embies, and you must remember that you are in it together.  ^hugme^
Gym a good idea, I need to go too. Instead of just paying a fortune for membership and never going  ::)
Love Cindersxxx
 
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