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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hi have previously posted here but situation has changed. My lo is 21days old. I had to have an emergency c section as he was distressed at the birth and swallowed meconium. He was then in scbu for about 7 days. I originally expressed bm as he was being tube fed but was unable to get him to feed from me. I then chose to formula feed as i was unable to expressenough milk to keep up with feeds. We brought him home only to have him rushed back to hospital with breathing difficulties. Scans have shown he has a restricted windwipe which requires an op. He is currently in icu under sedation with help to breathe as the slightest distress causes problems. Dh stays at the hospital all the time but i have been unable to do so as my wound is infected and have been ill myself. At times none of this feels real, i don't feel like i have a little boy and am scared i'll never be able to get a bond. After going to the hospital i feel relived when dh suggests i go home and rest, but then feel guiltyfor being so eager to get away. I feel so out if control. I'm unable to drive myself so relying on my mum for transport. Money is tight as dh isn't working and i am on maternity leave. I just don't know what to do next or if there's anywhere we can get any help
 

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Sorry about your sad news hun! I could not just read and run,but I am sure other ladies will be able to help with some advise. If not I will be back later to give some advise!


Bella P
xxx
 

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Monkeymoo,

Sweetie I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time, I think what you are feeling is entirely natural and normal, i can totally imagine feeling that it doesn't feel real right now, It's also probably protective for you as its scary to have a littley so dependent on you.

Just think how rubbish we feel anyway when we have an infection- it totally makes me feel down and doubt everything and on top of that you have all the emotional issues that go with having a poorly baby, I think you are doing the right thing by letting your DH stay with him and getting rest when you need it, you need to get better too, your little boy will feel love from both of you through your Dh, and you will have plenty of time to bond when you are both well,

Look after yourself- this is a lot to go through and if you need some help- go for it, it might be worth chatting to your GP or health visitor about how you are feeling, anyone can tip into postnatal depression and you have more stress than most people with a new baby do to deal with right now,

In terms of money issues, is a there a patient support service person at the hospital you could talk to? there are often lots of funny grants around that you have to dig a bit to find, they might know about them,

Sending your baby masses of good wishes for his op and for a speedy recovery,

Love

Livity
 

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Monkeymoo

A huge  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^  to you.

You have been through such a lot in the last 3 weeks, and it's not finished yet, so it's not surprising that you feel overwhelmed by it all.  Please don't be too hard on yourself if it all feels too much at times - that's perfectly normal.

It's also perfectly normal for you not to feel bonded immediately when you have been through a stressful birth or early days.  One of the most useful things I got from my antenatal classes was being told that bonding doesn't always happen straight away, but it will come with time.  I didn't bond with my DD straight away, and like you I found it hard at first to remember that I actually had a baby, but it came together once she came out of SCBU.  I'm sure you will bond in time.

I also have experience of putting my LO through major surgery.  She wasn't as young as your LO, but there were day-old babies having essential operations in the specialist hospital where she had hers, and it is more common than people realise for very small babies to undergo surgery.  The good news is that if the baby is otherwise fit and well, they recover quickly and you will hopefully see a difference pretty soon afterwards.  But the waiting and the day itself are stressful and I hope you won't have to wait too long for the op.  Will he have to be transferred to another hospital for the op? 

Some specialist hospitals have charitable funds to help parents with the cost of travel and other expenses, and may have accommodation for you and your DH to stay with him.  Once you know where he is to have the operation, ask to speak to a liaision nurse, who can tell you more about what is involved and the facilities they have.

But I would echo what Livity says - you are still only 3 weeks post c-section, so take it easy physically.  Thinking back, I was still getting pretty tired 3 weeks after mine.  I'm sure you will feel more on top of things as you get your strength back.

All the best
Ruth (Essex Girl) x 
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
thankyou for your replies. Dh has ben asking at the hospital about financial support and sjould be able to speak to someone properly after the bank holiday. He is being transferred to another hospital for the op but there will be a room available for us to stay. Will also be speaking to my mw on tuesday to get wound checked etc
 

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Oh Monkeymoo ^hugme^

I'm so sorry this has happened and can imagine how you must be feeling right now :'( ^hugme^

My 2 were in hospital for 3 months as you know and without a doubt I felt like they weren't mine and I was looking in on my life if that makes sense? I felt totally numb, terribly guilty but almost oddly emotionless. Even on the 2 occasions where Sam became seriously ill I just felt like I was going through the motions and it wasn't really happening to us

The problem is you have been through so much over the last few weeks it becomes very hard to take it all in. The vision you have of having your baby and becoming a mum are shattered and everything becomes so uncertain. Your little one is born, whisked away, your restricted from holding them, worried if they will be OK, it's all so traumatic. For me it was also the complete lack of control and the not knowing what was going to happen that made everything just so distressing. Your feelings are so normal ^hugme^ I promise you will grow a bond but it does take time. I can honestly say it took till the boys came home for that to happen for me as that's when I began to really get to know them. Just please remember that everyone reacts differently in these kind of situations. The way you feel isn't wrong and doesn't make you a bad Mummy or person, it's just the way you feel and are dealing with such a traumatic situation. My DH was the same. He found the whole NICU / SCBU environment too upsetting so he stayed away, it was how he coped. We are all different so I respected that was how he got through it. In your case please remember you are also getting over a major op, have an infection and are exhausted too as well as worried about your baby. Please be kind to yourself ^hugme^

However in the mean time you do need to talk through your feelings with someone so they can help you. Does the SCBU have a counsellor, or could you speak to one of the Nurses so they can help you with bonding? I promise you that you will not be the first Mummy they have met to feel this way and they will be able to help. It maybe worth speaking to your HV too as they may know what financial help is available to you. The other place to go for support is BLISS which is for parents of prem babies and sick term babies. They have a help line, will be able to advise you about financial issues and offer you some much needed support, so please give them a ring http://www.bliss.org.uk/page.asp?section=21&sectionTitle=Support+for+families+of+premature+and+sick+babies&gclid=COX4zJD1nqYCFQZO4QodURHeZg There is also a thread there for parents with poorly full term babies, so other Mum's who understand can support you too and vice versa

I will be thinking of you, your DH and ^pray^ your beautiful son gets well and comes home soon ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ . I am here if you need anything xxx ^hugme^

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
hi, thanks to everyone for their kind thoughts and advice.
Op was a success and lo has been home a week nd is doing well.
Me and dh were extremely grateful to the sick childrens trust who provided us with accomodation and advice while lo was in the hospital.
 

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Hooray for your little one! So pleased to hear he is home safe and doing well,

How are you doing now? Is it starting to feel more normal?

Lots of love

Livity
 

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Fantastic news Monkey! Just look after yourself hun. It was when I got home and took my foot off the accelerator that everything that had happened really hit me. Enjoys your lovely little man and remember we are here if you ever need us xxx
 

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That's great news.  You must be so glad to be home. 
EG x
 
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