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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
New home ladies to welcome all of our new comers. Hope I've managed to keep track of everyones updates.

Welcome Pam and Nerys.

Karen : Approved at panel on 22nd April. Now Mummy to X (moved in 8/11/04) and have her sister moving in on 7/12/04

Bex (Bex32): Approved at panel in April. X moved in on 8/11/04

Caroline W: Approved at panel in September 2004, now awaiting a suitable match.

Cindy: Approved at panel on 27th October 2004. Now awaiting a suitable match

Ann: Approved at panel on 4th November 2004. Now awaiting suitable match

Ruth: Currently doing home assessment

Ang (Molly 2003): Course completed awaiting allocation of SW

Everhopeful: Currently doing home assessment

Mandy (MSW): Starting home assessment in January

Nat (Crazy): Currently doing home assessment.

Kylie (Boomerang Girl): Allocated SW. prep course Jan/Feb 05.

Homer & Marge: Prep course September.

Nicola (NickyDuncanFinn): Prep course January?

Nicky: Currently doing home assessment

Shannis: Prep course starts 2/9/04

Morgana: Allocated SW, Prep course May 2005

Donnalee: Application approved, awaiting course date.

Tracey H: Awaiting course date and visit from Family Placement Officer

Nerys (lochness) Sent in forms for adoption and going to info evening about fostering

Pam (saphy75) Sent for info pack on adoption

Carol (allineedisamircale): Currently doing home assessment (not sure if Carol is still posting? :-\ )

Jo (jolene): Course completed, awaiting allocation of SW (not sure if Jolene is still posting? :-\ )



Karen x
 
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Hi ladies,

I have a few questions / disorganised thoughts :-\ that I was hoping for some advice on.

We have just had a BFN with ICSI and plan to try again in March. Whilst I'm trying to stay positive about this, I am also aware of ticking clocks...

Whilst I am only 31, my dh is 47. He has a child from a previous relationsip.

We are both white, I'm a Brit who grew up in Australia and now back in London. DH is half scottish and half Polish. We're both fit and healthy.

Apart from dh's age, I'm not aware of any other factors against us.

My concerns are:

1. Can we start this process (which I know is a slow one) whilst still trying ICSI?

2. Will dh's age count against us?

3. I live in London and as a Social Worker myself I am aware that most children placed for adoption in London are black or mixed parentage, there are few white infants and social services place chidlren with families of the same ethnicity. Has any one else addressed this? We would be delighted with a sibling group but would prefer under 3's.

I hope you can help me with some of these questions.

Thank you ^sunny^ ^sunny^

ali
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Ali to answer (and apologies if it is brief as just become adoptive mum)....

1) No.  You must have a "break" between tx and adoption.  Some Social Services say up to twelve months most say 6 months,

2) No not at all, but the Social Services may want to limit the age of the children you can apply for, but best to ask.

3)  Most Social Services areas work in a consortium so if they cannot find children in their area, they would work with another.  Equally you can apply to be considered for any children in the country through the Be My Parent Magazine produced by BAAF.

Hope this helps....


Good luck
Love
Karen x
 

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hi ali

i am new to all this too but i have spoken to the duty sw who deals with adoption in my area and she told me they like you to have finished fertility tx for 1-2 years ideally before they will consider you as prospective adopters but also she said they will judge each case on its merits.

good luck

pam xx
 

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Hi ya Karen,
Surprised you have time to do the list ;D
A very busy and happy bunny.

Just to say ,that we went to prep course, this last week.
So waiting for allocation of SW and HS.
Thinking of you.
Lots of love Donnalee


 

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Karen
Thanks for new "home" and list. Know you're very busy Mummy now but I'd like to point out that I've finished homestudy and now just waiting panel - early Feb.
Don't mean to be a moaner!!

Many thanks

Everhopeful xx ;D
 

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Hello ladies,

Can I join you please.

Been ttc for 3 years, had one ICSI May this year at ARGC (+ve but lost v early 4 1/2 weeks) and have been recommended new treatment (Humira).  After researching into likely success etc and weighing up against the heartache we have experienced over last 3 years, decided to go for adoption.  Have been posting for a while on Humira thread and had lots of good advice and support there.

Have sent off for lots of info and now awaiting initial chats/visits to decide which agency to go with.  Have already needed to keep my positive thinking head on as all agencies spoke to have been very doom and gloom focussed re type of children (we are initially thinking of 2 0-5s) . 

Also had an agency insisting that one of us would need to give up work entirely until the children were at school.  This is not an option for us:  I am main earner and we could take a cut in salary if I went part time but husband is self employed.  he can't give up and go back in 2-3 years as he would have no clients.  So feeling a bit frustrated at the moment.  Does anybody else have any experience of this or could you recommend a good agency:  we are in SW London/Surrey.

Anyway I know it is not going to be easy but feeling fairly positiv(ish).  Good luck to everybody else.


Love
Jude2



 

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welcome jude2

i too am just starting out also wanting to adopt 2 children age 0-5, the sw i saw didn't see it as a problem in fact she was quite positive about it when i told her i wanted to adopt 2 children, maybe it all depends on which area you are in, dont let her get you down stay positive  ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^

good luck

pam xx
 

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Hi Jude,

our sw initially told us they would not consider assessing people only wanting 0-5 but would assess us for 0-8. So we decided we would consider this age group. And after we'd been on the preparation course we were convinced that we really would. It was really informative, and changed our minds on lots of issues. So the only advice I'd give you is keep your options open, get assessed and then decide exactly how you feel.

good luck, and keep posting to let us know what you decide,

XRuth.
 

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it really must make a difference where you live because on the form i just filled in it give you the option of ages 1-4 and 5 years and above, so strange how different agencies have different rules.

pam xx
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Hi Jude

As Ruth says keep an open mind, we said we wanted at least one boy and now have our two daughters!

Some children's circumstances necessitate a parent being at home but if like me you have no choice in the work thing then make that clear and they can match you accordingly. 

Some Local Authorities work in a consortium so you can be matched to children from within that arrangement from other areas and there is also the Be My Parent magazine produced by BAAF that once approved you can apply to be considered for any of the children in there.

Good luck for your journey and I'll add you to our list.

Karen x
 

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hi

me again  ;D

i was wondering if there are any books out there on adoption from a males point of veiw as i think it would really help my dh to read how other men have coped at various stages of adopting (my dh will kill me if he knows i've written this  ;D )

thanks

pam xx
 

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Hi,

I've yet to have any success in getting my DH to read anything on the topic. It's not that he's not enthuriastic, he just doesn't feel the need to read up on the area until we closer to it being necessary....I can't decide whether he's beiong pragmatic or lazy....but I have my suspicions  ::) ::).

But there are some really interesting books "parenting the child that hurts"....there are two of these one for toddlers and one for older kids....both were very interesting. The other interesting read is "the adoption experience" by ann morris and I know some of the others on here have read that too and really enjoyed it. It give lots of true life stories from adopter and adoptees, from male and female perspectives, so that would probaly suit you both.


xxruth.
 

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thanx ruth

i'm going to have a look on amazon for the books,
as for getting paul (my dh) to read them i'll keep leaving them lying around and i'm sure he'll take the bait  ;D ;D (probably when he thinks i'm not looking)

pam xx
 

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Hi everyone

An update from me, I have got a letter from our new SW today to say he is coming round to visit us on Tuesday :) :) :). I am v happy and hope to be back on track with our home assesment soon.

Mandyxxxxxxxxxxxx :p
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Mandy - great news that you have heard from the Sw, good luck for Tuesday

Pam - I only read The Adoption Experience by Ann Morris, which I would recommend, all the other books I've read have been childcare one's.

Nic - welcome, even if you are only dabbling a toe in at the moment!

There has been a sad story regarding adoption on our local news tonight.  A three year old boy as been killed, allegedly poisoned with salt by his adoptive parents because adoption didn't live up to their expectations.  Why didn't they ring up SS and say it wasn't for them, poor little mite  - ^angel^  RIP little one.

Another busy day as it was X's 1st birthday today so we have been over to see her, brought most of her presents home as they will be coming over anyway in the next couple of weeks, she's kept a few though.  Eldest is teething something terrible at the minute back one's both sides and can't keep her hands out of her mouth, dribble everywhere.  She's sleeping well and Daddy has put her to bed for the first time and changed her (well I put the actual nappy on to show him, but he did the rest!)

Off to indulge in a glass of vino, my first since becoming a responsible parent.

Bye for now
Karen x
 

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Karen, that is a horrible story!!  I cannot believe that people could be so cruel, the poor little mite probably thought that he'd found parents who'd love him and look after him after his previous painful experiences and then then go and poison him, I can't say what I'd like to do to people like that. ^censored^ ^censored^.  As you say may the little one rest in peace.

On a more cheerful note, glad to hear that the birthdays went well and that Rich is getting the hang of the nappy thing, you keep him working on it girl  ;D.  I'd forgotten about the teething dribbles, so attractive aren't they?


Mandy, glad to hear you're back on track, it won't be long and you'll be finished and at panel.

Pam, like Karen I can recommend the Ann Morris book as it is full of stories from people who have actually been through the process.

Nic welcome to the thread but fingers crossed that you don't have to join us because your IVF works out.

love
Cindy


 

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Hi Ladies

do you mind if i join you on this thread.

dh and i decided to give up tx and move on to adoption - a move we both expected if we are truthful and a move we are both happy with.

We are booked for the prep course in January and are really looking forward to that.

We are hoping if all goes well to adopt two or three children between 2-6 ish - SW's that we have met so far have been really amazingly supportive and we feel lucky about this.

looking forward to sharing all of our journeys and adventures with you all

LB
X
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
LB

Glad to see that you have taken the plunge and have joined us on here.  I will add you to our list.  Keeping everything crossed for you.

Cindy - the story was in all the national papers today too.  Its the court case now but he died some time ago.  They had his siblings placed with them too but they didn't think he was bright enough.  She ended up going back to work before she had agreed she would and did so the day after he went to hospital.  As you said I would have to censor what I would say are my thoughts on people like this.  The frustrating thing for me is that given that this is in the news, we still have not had anyone from Social Services on X's side out to visit since her placement or introductions, not that we would ever do this.  Our SW has been out but she is there for us and does not do the child side, although she could clearly see that she had settled in very well and was calling for me and responding to me.

Bye for now
Love
Karen x
 
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