Haven't been on the site recently, I think I just needed a real break from it all. DH and I have decided to have a break and I must admit I was a bit p****d off with the clinic. They just phoned said it was negative and rang off, felt at beginning that it must be a horrid phone call for them, but at the end of the day they could have been a bit more sympathetic. Anyway have waited for them to get in touch and they haven't so will phone them tomorrow for an appointment as I have frosties, but we may wait till end of year, will see what they say. I do strangely feel better for making the decision to have a break, feel that I can make plans and have a life, feel like my life has been on hold for the past 5-6 years and it has been wasted as I haven't got pregnant, hopefully will feel more positive in a few months. Sorry moan over, but other people expect me to cry all the time which of course I am doing, only in private, but want to get on with my life as well, do you know what I mean?
Anyway am going camping this weekend - so it will rain, but at least I can have a drink! and have booked a warners break end of July - expensive but no kids allowed, its what we need right now. DH is still doing the extension and hopefully will be finished by time we go away - he deserves a break and even managed to joke to my best mate that instead of a baby room I will be the poshist in the street at I am going to have an ironing room all set up with TV, DVD, Video and hi-fi system. She understands me, but if I said that to other friends they would just think I didn't want kids so whats the fuss, does anyone else have this sort of problem. Sorry just realised I am moaning again, but why does everyone expect me to be suicidal ALL the time.
On the up side (if there is one, apart from having an ioning room) DH has opened up to me and we have come really close after this failed IVF so there are upsides to everything, we have been through a really tough time, and I think it was down to the pressures of the IVF, but at one time I thought if it did work I would be a one parent family.
Anyway, just like to say this site has been my saviour over the last couple of months, so thanks to all of you and you have really helped me by knowing others know what I am going through.
Pray for sunshine this weekend everyone for when I am camping.
Will try to look in more often now, but it is a bit hard as I am back at work and my home computer is buried under building materials at the moment.
Take care everyone and hope all your dreams come true.
Good luck to everyone going for appointments etc in the near future.