[Kendra]

Hi - I'm new to this section, so hope you don't mind me posting a new subject. I hoped you might have some advice. Nearly all our friends have children by now and as time goes by with one BFN after another it looks realistically as though we will remain a childless couple. Understandably, friends with children want to chat about child-oriented subjects - schools, kids shoes, you know the stuff and want to spend weekends doing children oriented things - trips to whatever. What I'm trying to say I s'pose is how and where can DP and I get to meet and make new friends who have interests other than children, so we can do adult things (whoops! and I don't mean that sort of thing!) and talk about subjects other than feeding routines etc.
Oh dear I hope this doesn't sound bitter and mean, that's not at all how it is meant to be. I do enjoy seeing my old friends and their kids, but inevitably we seem to have less in common these days as priorities have changed...
Kendra

 

[keemjay]

hi Kendra
I know exactly where you are coming from on this one. even if we do get out with our friends that have kids the conversation always inevitably turns to their little ones (and even worse if you have 2 or more couples with kids - they egg eachother on with 'my kid does this and what does yours eat' etc etc) evenings are generally cut short to as people have to get home for babysitters. its not their fault - like you say, you have less in common than before and their lives have taken a different path...its natural to want to do different stuff

my dh and I have pondered on how to find 'adult' company before and its really hard. we love camping but you know kids get everywhere and camping is a family thing.....there are some adult campsites around tho... (and no they're not that sort of thing either!!) we asl for the pitch furthest from the playground and choose campsites that DONT say 'ideal for families'

i wanted us to do an evening class together but dh was having none of it. i still think its a good way to meet people,you meet all sorts, you never know who's gonna pitch up, young and old. i ended up going on my own to a gardening course and made a good friend who hasnt any children and doesnt want any either, so theres no danger of some news from her!!

its difficult cos adult type activities tend to feel kinds fuddy duddy - rambling groups, bridge, saga holidays etc! i've thought for a long time that theres a bit of a gap for the 'child free but still alive inside' market. it would be nice to have a group that organises events - a sort of an extension of the chat board here where you can actually meet up and do things.

i guess i have always tried to utilise the childless friends we DO have as much as poss, and made sure to keep the friendships going, also made efforts with people we have been introduced to that have no kids - my radar goes up when i hear people dont have them, and i make as much effort as i can to be nice and see if they are our type of people, i dont mean i act like a limpet, i just make the most of the opportunities

i'm just rambling on here, not really much use, would be interested in any tips from others.....

kj x

 

[Eilidh M]

Hi Girls,

I think this is a really tough one.  I have spells of feeling so excluded from the rest of the world as virtually all of the friends we grew up with now have children (some now approaching their teens) .  They seem to have moved on into another phase of life while we are stuck fast at the "dinky" stage.    It is difficult to find others to spend time with, and that worries me too as I feel that dh and I just end up doing everything as a couple, and are a bit cut off from the rest of the world.  I'm so worried that this is just going to get worse as the years go by.    We don't know anyone who has had fertility problems of any sort, or anyone else who has had to come to terms with living childfree.

I'd love to expand our social circle too, but don't really know where to start.    Sorry!!!!    I've been absolutely no help here !!  All I can really say, is that I know exactly how it feels.

Perhaps in due course, there could be a meet-up for people posting to this part of the site.  That would be fab !

Hugs to you all,

Eilidh
xxxx

 

[Kendra]

Hi and thanks for your replies - it really helps knowing that someone else understands where I'm coming from! My DP just couldn't understand what I was on about - he thought I was saying that I wanted to shut myself off totally from all our friends with children and only mix with childless couples regardless of the fact that we might not have anything else in common - derr! I love him to bits but honestly! (Still, on the worst days sometimes it does get so bad that I want to hide away from everyone who has children -so maybe he had a point!)

Eilidh - me too, I'm worried that DP and I will end up as eccentric hermits cut off from everyone (I'm sure the neighbours already think we're mad as we spend so much time gardening)!

KJ - I did a gardening course last year on my own & was looking forward to starting the new term in January -it was fun and the people on the course were really nice - then I had to attend clinic appointments and missed 3 classes - oh well, I'll try joining the term after Easter!

love kendra

 

[Laine]

Eilidh & Kendra

I just wanted to welcome you both to FF! and the Living Childfree board.

Please come and join us for a natter on the March/April chat thread.  Will be nice to get to know you both.

Laine x

 

[EVR]

Hi I am new to all this (this website that is) - We found out 6 years ago we couldn't have children, tried the adoption route but felt it wasn't really for us, so we have resigned ourselves to the fact that we will never have children - although one day we may foster?!? Not 100% sure about that either at present - you do tend to get a bit selfish once the dust settles.  Anyway my hubby and I go to the gym regularly and we have met quite a lot of people - although only 1 childfree couple!  But it does take your mind off things (the gym that is).  If anyone out there wants to get in touch or leave a message, please do as we would like to get another couple/couples point of view on the situation we are in. 

Also gardening as discussed before is a good thing to do to keep you busy!  Anyway bye for now, will be in touch again!

 

[Eilidh M]

Hi Laine,

Sorry to confuse matters, but I'm the member formerly known as Marj !!!

Hope you are ok.  I'll post soon to the chat Board.  Struggling a bit at the moment with some bad AFs (please don't let it be the transition to menopause already    )  and some family stuff which has made me feel so sad about the IF again.

EVR.....the gym is a good idea have been thinking about that one recently.  Basically, just feel I need to get really busy with lots of things to take my mind of the situation.  Work is really quiet just now so that doesn't help much !!

Thanks for posting......look forward to keeping in touch.

Eilidh
xxx

 

[EJJB]

Hi,
I can totally identify with what you you ladies are saying.
I too feel stuck in that just married, too young for kids stage, although we have been married 9 years.  I'm 36, DH 31.
Most of my friends have children, his are a little different, lads will be lads.
We garden, go to the gym and support NCFC  football together.
Although we haven't given up on having children yet, we are looking for a surrogate, I sometimes feel it will never happen and the rest of our lives will be just like this.

Not really sure what to suggest, but if anybodys in Norfolk and fancies meeting up, leave me a message
EJJB
   x

A little update.
In August this year we met a surrogate, and we are hoping to start trying soon.

 

[astrid]

hi girls
I can relate to the issues raised here and it can be so hard trying to find couples without children..Now i just try and get on with our lives we go to the gym, evening classes and of course walking my dog has given me a new lease of life..
If my friends have children i do tend to choose whether i want to spend the night or day with them and the kids. Or just go out with my hubby..Usually i settle for the latter..
I just want to say also thankyou to the girls that i have met on FF in the area where i live. We have had so many great times and laughs that it has been the best thing meeting everyone..I know it can be difficult if someone does get pregnant, but because they have had so many disapointments and being ttc for along time. There has been a very mutual understanding and empathey between us. So maybe go to some of the local meets  thats a great way of meeting others..Or maybe there will be a meet up for living child free couples sometime in the future?
Its not hard being childless but somehow you go through the different emotions and even though i cannot say its over for me, with time it gets a little easier...and so does enjoying life.
Goodluck..
love astridxxx

 

[sas jane v]

Hi girls -really understand all your posts and feel generally very similarly re friendshipsthe w/ends I feel worse -during the week I do Yoga/pottery etc and see friends then at the w/e my friends with kids are all busy with kids things and have to book visits weeks in advance
dh cant see it either -but most of his friends dont have kids whereas all of mine/ours do hence talk of children
maybe we could a meetup ?? Im in Wolverhampton dont think dh would be interested but we could have a gilrs day outif anybody up for it
sorry my computer is playing up !!
      Sarah x

 

[Nicky]

Holly - thanks for the IM; please count me in!  Jim and I live in Redditch (doubt Jim would join though - bad previous experience).  I don't login that much nowadays but I do pick up relevant messages - look forwrad to hearing from you!  Love Nicky xxxx

 

[Littlest]

Hi Holly
Thanks for the message I would be interested in a meetup. Don't go on FF website that often but I do respond to message notifications.

I will watch this thread. It would be just me and I live near St Albans. Have met Sarah from Wolverhampton before on a workshop and would love to see her again.

cheers

Littlest (also Sarah)

 

[Juel]

Hi girls,
I would be interested in a child free meet-up too....i'll keep checking on this thread to see if we can get a day sorted soon,
luv
juels xxx

p.s i live near Wolverhampton too 

 

[Bel07]

Hi Girls

I dont post much any more either however I log on now and again, and I would be interested in meeting up (without DP) as he won't be interested.

I have met Sarah (Sas Jane), Juel and Nicky so it would be great to see them again and the rest of you.

I live in Wolverhampton but don't mind travelling either.

Love Bel

 

[sas jane v]

Hi girls - looks like we have some interest in a meet up then -its  also nice that some of us have met each other before (hi Bel and Sarah !)
so far we have then :
me Sarah
      Bel
      Juels Wolverhampton
      Nicky Redditch
      Sarah (Littlest) St Albans
      Holly Plymouth

anybody else interested - all welcome !!
  I guess we need to decide then where and when
somewhere in the middle how about a w/e day
sat /sun ??
Holly -not trying to steal your thunder please feel free to organise !!!
p.s. am coming down your way in May to Bigbury for a week with my folks

  speak to you all soon  sarah x

 

[Kendra]

Hi everyone, I'd like to join you for a meetup but it looks like everyone except Holly lives further north than I do! I'm in the South West -anyone else near me?
kendra

 

[sas jane v]

hi Kendra -where are you then and would you want to travel to meet up or prefer something more local to you

    sarah x

 

[Laine]

Hey Everyone,

I just wanted to say that I think this is a good idea for those of you who want to meet other childfree couples.

Look forward to hearing all about it!

Laine x

 

[jayneanthea]

  Hello -  I am in Somerset (near Bath) and happy to travel to meet up.  If anyone from South west coming - could come here and then drive up together? (Environmentally friendlier and just plain friendlier!) I am coming to the end of my desperation for a child - something I thought I certainly would never, ever, ever, (even ever!) feel.  Would be good to have a good lunch and a chat!

Jayne

 

[Lois]

Hi - I would be interested in meeting up - I live near Littlest (Sarah).........although we haven't met yet!

Loisx