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Our hope of conceiving our baby with the help of treatment has come to an end. Pregnancy has eluded us. We have spent 13 years trying to conceive and after numerous investigations, IUI/Clomid, we have decided to stop.
Justin wants children but is happy to accept life without them. He tells me that he loves me no matter what and is happy for it to be the two of us together.
For me it is not as straight forward. My life seems to have happened without me noticing it. I thought I was in control of everything, but now I realise that I am not and I wasn’t. Having a child is one area of my life that I haven’t been able to control. No matter how hard I have tried or what I have done, I have not been able to make this happen. The fact that our infertility is un-explained has made it even more difficult.
It just does not feel real. What I mean is that I cannot get it into my head that I may never be a mum. I just don’t feel like I am 40 years old and can’t imagine that time is against me more now than ever before.
Although we are stepping off the if roller coaster, I will never give up hoping that one day we conceive naturally.
I have reached breaking point. I am so mentally and physically exhausted by it all, by the failure, by the treatment, by the counting, checking and hoping. I have decided it is now time to just let go. I have thought about this for some time and during the last month in particular it has been constantly on my mind. My emotions have been all over the place. I have felt scared about taking such a hard decision. I am sure the relief of taking it will come soon. At the moment, there are feelings of intense sadness and deep hurt in me and I have been crying so much.
The unfulfilled longing for a child has provoked some of the strongest and most intense emotions there are, feelings of loss or bereavement. However, unlike bereavement, there is not a recognised mourning period, no beginning, no end and a world that will forget because it cannot see.
There comes a point where you have to put all your hope and faith into the rest of your life. I have decided that I have a choice and I choose life.
Something good to have come from this is the wonderful, kind and supportive people I have met through Fertility Friends. You are all stars.
Justin wants children but is happy to accept life without them. He tells me that he loves me no matter what and is happy for it to be the two of us together.
For me it is not as straight forward. My life seems to have happened without me noticing it. I thought I was in control of everything, but now I realise that I am not and I wasn’t. Having a child is one area of my life that I haven’t been able to control. No matter how hard I have tried or what I have done, I have not been able to make this happen. The fact that our infertility is un-explained has made it even more difficult.
It just does not feel real. What I mean is that I cannot get it into my head that I may never be a mum. I just don’t feel like I am 40 years old and can’t imagine that time is against me more now than ever before.
Although we are stepping off the if roller coaster, I will never give up hoping that one day we conceive naturally.
I have reached breaking point. I am so mentally and physically exhausted by it all, by the failure, by the treatment, by the counting, checking and hoping. I have decided it is now time to just let go. I have thought about this for some time and during the last month in particular it has been constantly on my mind. My emotions have been all over the place. I have felt scared about taking such a hard decision. I am sure the relief of taking it will come soon. At the moment, there are feelings of intense sadness and deep hurt in me and I have been crying so much.
The unfulfilled longing for a child has provoked some of the strongest and most intense emotions there are, feelings of loss or bereavement. However, unlike bereavement, there is not a recognised mourning period, no beginning, no end and a world that will forget because it cannot see.
There comes a point where you have to put all your hope and faith into the rest of your life. I have decided that I have a choice and I choose life.
Something good to have come from this is the wonderful, kind and supportive people I have met through Fertility Friends. You are all stars.