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Hi there - this is my first message so apologies if i get it wrong or it doesn't make sense (if you are reading it then i guess i must have done something right)
We (ie husband and myself) have just found out that our first ICSI treatment has failed (negative test last Friday) and i suddenly feel so much hatred and anger - i don't know what to do with myself - i keep thinking that the next time will be no different and the treatment will not change and therefore the result will be the same. I have gone back to work but am so scared - i don't know how to deal with the disappointment. We have got to wait three months until we can start again and that seems a life time as we have been waiting three years to even start IVF treatement. If there is anyone out there with any similar stories or feelings i would love to hear from you
Thanks
Ninny :(
 

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hi ninny

firstly big  ^Cuddle^ to you and your dh,

your feelings are completly normal hun, i felt the same way, after my first ivf failed i was very resentfull towards all my friends and family (all seem to have kids) i didn't want to speak to people i just wanted to lock myself in a cupboard and make everyone leave me alone but after 3 months break (much needed for us) i was much more positive for the second go. take the time to pamper yourselves and prepare mentally and physically for your next icsi

good luck

pam xx
 

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Hi Ninny,

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. I know how you feel. I got a BFN this morning too. Really thought it might have worked this time as AF is late and I'm never late.

Emma
 

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Hi Ninny,

No you're definately not on your own,I too have had failed ICSI (twice) and like you found out on Friday that our FET had failed too.
It's true you do go through all variation of emotions and nobody no matter how much they try to understand can know what you're going through,the only way that I can describe it to somebody is like somebody ripping your heart out and ramming it down your throat.
But believe me you are not alone,so please don't dispair,this website has been a tower of strength for me and a great help too.
:'(
 

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I feel exactly the same.  I found out that my treatment (ivf converted to iui) didn't work yesterday.  I felt so numb inside and don't want to speak to anyone as there doesn's seem anything to say. Those that haven't experienced it can't  understand the enormity of it for us.  This web site is my only solice.  Thank you fertility friends.
Suzie x
 

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Hi Ninny,

Just wanted to say, I know how you feel  :'(. I am at the same stage as you and after all the build up the treatment and daring to hope that it could result in a baby, you then get this big let down. It just doesn't seem fair. I can understand that 3 months sounds like a long time and the journey seems endless, but please don't give up hope.It will be different for you one day. The key, as my DH says, is to keep trying.  ^Cuddle^

Sasha B
 

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Hi Ninny

I also found out last friday that our first icsi cycle was negative. I was fine all weekend and just thought about when we could try again but this week the reality hit me and I have been totally gutted all week. Nothing anyone can say will make me feel better. I cannot face the idea of another treatment but I also know that I will have to try again because its the only way we will conceive. I am being a total cow to live with - snappy, moody and quiet but at the moment I just can't snap out of it.

Everyone says it gets easier and I am sure that it will do, for all of us.. I don't want to wait three months but I know that I need that time to get ready and to try and feel a bit happier. Lets hope the next try brings us all better news.

Take care

FLH x x x
 

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Hi Nugs,

I am sorry to hear your news.  I have tried to e mail you but your PM (personal message) has reached its mailbox limit and wont let me send e mails, so this is the only way to contact you.  E mail me when you have deleted some of your personal messages.

Nikki
 

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Dear Ninny

I to had my first failed icsi yesterday, i feel hurt and want to say why me i know i am not alone in this battle and so many of us want this first time, i felt like the tears would never stop, i still have no AF yet had a blood test it came back with 2.2 so not viable,,,

But i will not give up yet, here on FF it just shows that ivf does indeed work, and the words of others can help us get past each day,

Don't loose faith keep up the  ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ and remember you are not alone

luv Di
 
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