[rsmit02]

Hi all,

I will try to summerise it all briefly not so easy after 5 years ttc! Were diagnosed in 2001 with male factor infertility and we quickly moved on to using donor sperm. We have had 10 donor IUI all with no positive result.  We have 2 donor IUIs and 2 IVF left to have on NHS.  But I am at a point where psychologically, emotionally, physically I dont know if I can go on with treatment, it is so devastating every time it doesnt work and I just want to get on with my life.  My husband is 120% keen to move to adoption rather than carry on treatments.

So I phoned the local social work about adoption and a very nice social worker came out to see us.  He was very frank open and honest about the adoption process but it was a bit of a shock to hear that our locality is not accepting applications for children under 5 for the forseeable future as they have to many approved adopters waiting. We have taken some time to digest this and feel we could adopt an older child we just want to be parents and a family at the end of the day.

But it all leaves me with so many questions I wonder if you guys could help with.


1) Has anyone adopted a child over 5 how was the experience did you bond with your child and feel like a family? Does your child call you Mum and Dad?

2) Can you adopt out of area? For instance we have subscribed to BE My Parent can we once approved apply for children in there or for children from another council area in the hope of getting a younger child?

3) International adoption is so huge in America is there anyone with experience of it from the UK what are the costs and waiting times like?  Do you need to go through an agency? Is there any UK agencies?

Any help would be much  appreciated guys I hope to get to know you all well.

Ruthx

 

[superal]

Dear Ruth

Welcome to FF, you've found the right place to make friends & hopefully answer the questions that you have asked.

Karen the moderator for this sight is very good at answering questions, I'm sure once she has read your message she will be in touch.

I've adopted 2 children & at the time of starting out on the adoption journey we were also told to consider adopting an older child.

We thought long & hard about the decision we had to make & decided that we would like to adopt 1 child up to the age of 5.

5 weeks after going to panel we were matched with a little boy of 3!

I know he is younger than what you have been told to consider but we had no problems bonding, it wasn't easy at first, I'll be completely honest but he is OUR son & we wouldn't change him for the world.

4 years after adopting our DS we found a SS who took us onto their books & we were placed with a 9 month old baby girl.

Please don't be pushed into something that you are not completely happy with,  Adoption is a life changing experience & it's one that I'm glad my DH & self made.  I LOVE OUR children & can not imagine life with out them now.  Even when one of them is asking for an ice -lolly whilst I'm trying to type - I'd better go & get her one.

Good luck with your adventure & congratulations on loosing 10 stone!!!

 

[KarenM]

Hi Ruth

Welcome to this area of the boards.

In terms of your questions here goes...

1) Has anyone adopted a child over 5 how was the experience did you bond with your child and feel like a family? Does your child call you Mum and Dad? None so far who are posting on the boards but some approved for this age range and have been told similar to yourself. My two little girls call us Mummy and Daddy and we were introduced as that right from day 1. Our little girls look very much like us and people find it hard to believe if we ever have cause to say anything about the fact they are adopted.

2) Can you adopt out of area? For instance we have subscribed to BE My Parent can we once approved apply for children in there or for children from another council area in the hope of getting a younger child? In simple terms YES. Most Local Authorities (LA's) work in a consortium arrangement where they match adopters to children from a number of other LA's (ours use 13 others) so although your LA can't match to younger children others may do. Be My Parent is normally for the more difficult to place children so it depends on what stipulations you make about the circumstances of the child you want to adopt but you have to first be approved to apply. We went with a neighbouring LA to the one we live in. The BAAF guidelines are to be approved with a 50 mile radius.

3) International adoption is so huge in America is there anyone with experience of it from the UK what are the costs and waiting times like? Do you need to go through an agency? Is there any UK agencies? I don't have any personal experience of this but there is a thread on here all about adopting from Russia as there are a few going or looking to go down this route. I know the legal process for formally adopting them is different though

I hope this helps you and I am sure others will post of their experiences or you can see where we are all at on the general/daily thread called Looking to Start or Going Through Adoption Part....

Good luck
Karen x