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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
HI , newbie to all of this but feel i cant talk to friends or family at the moment with our becoming a blubbering mess  :'(,

so i was married before (young age 19 )  to a unfaithful man that had been dishonest one round of icsi as the issues were with his low sperm count  second frozen cycle didn't work  we split and divorced ended in 2011 after 14 years of marriage

I had accepted that i wouldn't have children until i met my second husband with two years of trying and no success  we finally got on the IVF waiting list ,lost 5 and half stone gave up  smoking i don't drink done everything by the book , i had two embryos put back on the 16/05/2018 to increase my chances as i getting closer to my 40th birthday .had blood test to test my levels on the Friday after transfer and they were low had to increase to x3 progesterone a day

I had started to spotting brown discharge on and off from the Monday onward right up until Saturday were i woke up to  bleeding heavy and clotting
with bad cramping , but held little hope that the second embryo would be OK ...but this mornings test was negative me and my hubby and well and truly gutted , may have another go at ivf but private this time around we are not  sure yet ,or maybe adopt ,

if we do go for private IVF  for the final time one thing is for sure i wont be looking for answers to my  symptoms etc and living in hope by self diagnosing myself  and its so easy to get swallowed up is  as every women is different , I've still not made that dreaded phone call to the unit to tell them my test was negative  :'( , and i cant face any family members as the majority of them know we have been through ivf , hubby got a little over excited about the ivf and the hope of our little family , so currently in my house blinds closed  :'(,

thanks
 

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I feel your pain as have been there myself, it's great you have a supportive man by your side and I am sure your family will be rooting for you too. It is such a heartbreaking moment and I am sending a massive virtual hug  ^hugme^ To you. Keep your chin up and look forward and look after yourself in this difficult moment. Xx
 

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Yes and it's totally understandable, see if your clinic offer any support, I know with mine you can go to counselling. It's also a relief to know there are people on here that know what you are feeling. Make sure you talk about it, let it out  ^hugme^ X
 

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Hi,

If you are still reading this post I wanted to comment just to say that I totally understand. We have made the decision to give up treatment and it is heart breaking. I'm not sure of the answer as I am still grieving but just wanted to say I understand how you feel xx
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Well a little update on our journey ..we had a second NHS go ..with a few adjustments to meds  and started me straight off 375 with a better response this time around egg were removed on Monday 16th 7 in total which was better then last time even got asked how many we wanted put back ..and was told that my husbands sperm was better then last time his sperm count has never been an issue so a little confused  .but recived a phone call on Tuesday to inform.me that none of the 7 had fertalized with no answers as to why ..had a phone call from the counsellor told me she would ring me back it's now Friday still no answer or phone call.
 

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Hello lovely

It sounds like very bad communication on their part, and I'm sorry you've had to experience this.  I'm afraid it's quite common in the fertility industry.  I'm sure others will tell you the same.

Sometimes eggs don't fertilize; there's not necessarily a reason that you can do anything about; even if you get loads of eggs, very often a considerable percentage won't fertilize.  Very sad, but true.

I can understand that you are feeling devastated at this point.  That's absolutely normal and natural and you need to give yourself time, and whatever support is helpful for you.  I've recently had a BFN and sometimes it's all I can do to get out of bed in the morning.  Sometimes I don't even do that.

I also understand that you're looking for answers.  This is just my point of view, and you must do exactly what's right for you, but my advice would be that you probably won't get answers, so it's not worth wasting your time and energy going down this route, when what you really need is to mourn, heal and decide what you want to do next - in that order, and taking as long as you need.  You sound like someone who is very determined and will leave no stone unturned.  Whatever your next steps are, I wish you all the luck in the world.  Do feel free to message me if you'd like to chat.
 

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I am so sorry you are going through this. I keep my fingers and toes crossed. xx
 
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