[Squig]

Hi,
Just joined tonight. A friend recommended me to the site (she's having twins after 5th IVF attempt) but just plucked up courage to tap in to say hello.
Having a break at the moment, but had 2 IVF and 2 ICSI treatments - third treatment worked but lost it at six weeks. I'm 36 and don't know anything else in my 30s other than the fertility rollercoaster.
Been to ARGC three times and due to go back in June. Mr T doesn't know why it hasn't worked, but they are willing to give it another go. Two embryos divide into six and seven cells on three out of four occasions. Wish there was a clearer answer. ARGC said they would not encourage me to keep going and going a) because it's so expensive b) should have worked by now at the ARGC. Even had the IVIG treatment and endless drugs but to no avail. I almost feel like I'm pushing the self-destruct button. I'm on this journey that I can't stop no matter what the cost and it's difficult to come to terms with the fact that DH and I may never have a child of our own. Would be happy to have egg donor but DH not so convinced. I guess it's difficult for them to appreciate just how much of a physical need us women have to carry our own baby to term. Sorry to sound so down but I've just watched Precious Babies.
Thanks for listening
Squig
x

 

[Clare the minx]

Hi Sqig,

The main thing I can say to you is remember that everyone is different and while some people may get lucky on their first treatment for others it takes alot of different treatment till they find the one that suits them,and about the precious babies program just remember that they aren't going to show you the stories about the couples who have to go through it loads of times or had to do different treatment as no-body would want to watch it!

They don't show the reality of the waiting between treatment or the emotional roller coaster we all go on.It is heart breaking at times and you may need to take some time out to relax as it won't help if your emotionally drained at the end of it.

AND most of all babe I do think that you will get there eventually so try and keep your chin up,also investigate all your possiblities at the moment as you may find the right one,

Lots of love

Clare xxxx

 

[DizziSquirrel]

hi glad you came on-line and joined us here, i have only been here a short while but i know its the best thing Ive done in 14years of ttc!

I'm sorry TX so far has been unsuccessful, i am going to be having a donor egg later this year and coming to terms with it is not an easy thing, we are not alone, i think the thing with DH and DP is that they don't want to see us suffer any more, and we must be hell to live with at times! so i guess he's just thinking of you. i find that my DH is OK if he has two things 1) FACTS and 2) TIME to digest it all.
where ever your journey takes you good luck

xx

 

[Bels]

Welcome Squig to FF!!!

Just wanted to wish you luck for when you next cycle .... there's an ARGC thread on the ICSI board that may interest you!

Belinda x

 

[Squig]

Hi - thanks for replying. Amazing how much better you feel once you get a response. Feel much more positive today and will investigate the ARGC thread to get more feedback.
Will have my next ICSI in June and look at it with much more positive eyes next time. Joining this site is the most positive thing I've done in months,
Lots of love and luck to you
Squig
x

 

[RubyRoo]

Hi squig,
i know how you feel - it seems like most of my 30's have been spent ttc also - how depressing!  anyway i have have 5 icsi treatments and never had a positive pregnancy test!  my DH has low sperm count etc so we've always had icsi but never really produced any really good quality embryos so we were advised to try an egg donor.  i do find it a bit strange that it should be my eggs causing the problem (seeing as we already have a problem with the sperm) but the consultant (whilst they can never be 100%) thinks it's more likely to be an egg problems?  you just never know really, we get told so many different things and never know what or who to believe.  i always produce a high number of eggs and we also get a high fertilisation rate but then when it comes to grading the embryos we never get grade 1's.  anyway luckily my cousin agreed to be an egg donor for me (she also have IVF and had twins on her 5th attempt) so we tried that last nov but it kind of went a bit wrong and she only produced 5 eggs and still no grade 1's so we didn't really get the answer we were looking for.  it's difficult to accept using a donor egg and i never thought i would but basically just think that we could cope with it and it would be better than never having children.  hoping to start treatment again with my cousin as a donor in a month or so and this time they will up her drugs so she'll hopefully produce a higher number of eggs and then we'll see what happens.  i'm wondering whether it's actually a sperm donor we need but feel like we need to try egg donor 1st and see what happens.  it's all so expensive and hideous but what can you do.  i just can't accept that we won't have children.  god, i've rambled so much haven't i - sorry about that.  anyway basically my consultant always says that people have got pregnant with bad quality embryos, poor womb lining, etc. etc. so it's difficult to say that it's never going to work for us.  at the same time people can have perfect treatments with grade 1 embryos and it still doesn't work.  i reckon it's like pot luck - and a very expensive pot luck at that! 

 

[Squig]

Hi RubyRoo,
Don't think you are rambling at all. It's good to hear that someone else is in the same boat (does that sound mean?). I wish you all the luck in the world with your egg donor. DH and I will start again in June. He keeps telling me that I should deal with the present and not jump ahead of myself to egg donation and adoption before other options have been exhausted! Suppose he's right, but I just feel I need a plan B, although when it comes to it, I'd probably want to just keep going with the ICSI. Let me know how your treatment goes - lots of love
Take care
Squig
x

 

[RubyRoo]

Hi Squig, don't worry you didn't sound mean - i know what you meant - sometimes it's comforting to know there are others struggling as much as you, in a weird sort of way - otherwise you just feel totally alone.  anyway we have booked another consultation at our hospital to discuss what we do next - whether to go again with my cousins donor eggs or maybe to try my eggs with donor sperm?  i'm just not sure and they never seem to give us definite answers about anything?  i am like you in the fact that i feel better knowing what plans b, c & d are as well as plan a!  I think that if it came to it your DH would come round to the idea of an egg donor.  i think that you think you wouldn't do it but when it comes to either that or deciding it's the end of the road and you won't have children then you would opt for a donor.  it's strange how you suddenly come to accept things that you thought you never would.  i always used to think i would never adopt but obviously now i am changing my mind.  you will do whatever you think is right at the time and I wish you all the luck in the world.  let me know how  you are getting on xx