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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have just discovered this site and have been reading various threads and am feeling like I’m not alone anymore.

I am almost 32 and have been married to my husband (34) for four years.  I have known from the start that he has azoospermia.  At first I fine with it and naively thought that love would conquer all and that everything would be ok, but as time has passed I am finding it increasingly difficult to cope with the situation we are in.

We have been seeing a consultant on the NHS since April 2007 following referral from our GP and I was wondering if anyone has any experience of the medication he has prescribed my husband.  My husband has just finished a 3 month course of Hcg (3 weekly injections) to raise testosterone levels and as this has been successful he is just about to start a course of Hcg and Menogen (? Think this is what it’s called).  The purpose of the Menogen is to try and kick start sperm production.

One aspect that I find incredibly hard is that I feel I have absolutely no control over this situation and no idea of what the likely outcome is and what will happen next if it is either successful or unsuccessful.  I think if I had some knowledge I would be able relax a little.  At the moment I am anxious and angry pretty much all of the time.  I am desperate for a baby and it seems that everyone around me has no problems in getting pregnant.  I can lash out at my husband over the slightest thing but really it’s because I’m so frustrated and, irrationally, blame him.

Before my husband started his medication I had to undergo some tests.  I can’t remember what they were called but I know the results showed that there are no problems with either my ovaries or my fallopian tubes.  I also have a regular menstrual cycle.  I know that this is good news for me but sometimes it makes things even harder.  I wonder if it would be easier to cope if the problem lay with me?     
 

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Hi mrs bubble!!!
im really sorry to hear about your husband problems, my husband was diagnosed with varicocelle(low motility sperm, he had 1%moving) we went abroad and he had the surgery done........
the only thing i can say is try to stay calm, i know its hard and some days we just blow, remember its hard for him too, try another doctor, is there another treatment?
Ah and ill be always here for a chat! :-*
 

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^hello^ Mrs Bubble

I am really sorry to hear about your situation. ^hugme^ I don't think it's any easier no matter who the problem's with hun, if the problem was with you, you would just feel guilty that you were the one with the problem.  It's healthier if you can stop yourselves from thinking about it as your problem or his as it's a joint problem as it's stopping you both from having a baby together.  It's better if you can see it as a joint obstacle to overcome and working together you can do just that and reach your goal.

It's a horrible situation to be in hun, but you will find this site a huge source of comfort and support and I feel sure that will help you a lot.

Take care

Axxxx
 

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Hello Mrs B. Well done for posting for the first time, it is scary!

I am really sorry to hear about what you are going through. I am not in your situation - I am the one with the fertility issue rather than my DP - but I just wanted to say that I relate to all the feelings you describe about not being in control and not knowing what the outcome of things will be and also the pain of watching other people seemingly get pregnant easily. I don't know about you, but I have spent all my life being in control and this is the first time I have really experienced not being able to make something I want so desperately happen. I have often said that if I knew I was going to be able to get pregnant on x date, then I could relax and bear the waiting. But that is the hard thing about this, you just don't know and you just have to keep going anyway.

I don't know if it would be any easier to cope if you had the problem rather than your DH. I do know that being the one with the fertility issue brings its own heartache and difficulties - you feel guilty, sometimes you wonder if the other person would be better off finding someone else, at times you hate your own body, you blame yourself and think you should be able to do something to sort it out, to magic it all away. And I still sometimes find ways (irrationally!) to blame my DP ...! Maybe it seems like you have more control if you are the one with the fertility issue - but you don't really, that's one of the horrible things about not being able to get pregnant, you realise that you don't control your own body.

I have got to the point of realising that this is difficult and that sometimes I just need to scream, cry, be angry. I am trying to enjoy what I have now, my life as it is now and to stay positive - not always easy in those moments of despair, I know. What helps me is to do whatever it is I need to do to give myself the best chance (in my case, eating well and pursuing alternative therapies, at the moment), get as much information as I can, and get as much support as I can.

I don't know if any of that makes any sense, but I just wanted to say hello, because I really related to all the feelings you described. I am sure that there are lots on here who have experience of the treatment your DH is having and who can give you more information.

All the best,
x
 

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Hiya

My DP has been diagnosed with azoospermia too...  not as straighforward as yours as he originally had a low sperm count and we were scheduled for IUI, but before this could happen, he had a biking accident which end with him having a haematoma (blood clot) on the testicles which had to be removed by surgery.

Since then, he has no semen in his sperm and we have had the IUI cancelled.  In addition, since the IUI was cancelled, we've not been given any follow up medicine and alternative routes to follow and feel totally abandoned and alone...

I totally understand about the out of control bit.  It's like repeatedly choosing to put yourself through heartache month after month (because you never quite give up hope month after month, do you?), knowing that each time will destroy you that little bit more. 

I too have had various tests done and my ovaries and tubes are fine too (as are all the other levels they check you for). 

And I too lash out at DP at my lowest moments.  He has three children already as well, and I have none, and when I have PMS and I can't control my emotions anymore, I do inwardly resent him and believe it's all his fault.  And then I feel so guilty I go into meltdown.

So you're not alone, not by a long shot!  I'm just sorry to hear that you're experiencing such hardship at the moment too.

Good luck with it all.

H x
 

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Hello Mrs Bubble, welcome to Fertility Freinds. :)

I am sorry you are feelign a bit lost throughout all this. ^hugme^ I am sure that you will find plenty of informatiuon and support on FF that will help clarify things for you.
I have no real knowledge of severe male factor issues as this wasn't our problem. Like Amanda says, it doesn't really matter because one or the other of you would be feeling guilty for causing the problem. I beleive that the HCG and the Menogen are given to work in a similar way to that given to women in that it's a stimulation drug designed to boost his body to produce sperm naturally. It is good the hear you are having some success with this and, hopefully, the next phase will yield good enougb results for you to start thinking about how to put it all into practice and start making a baby!

I'm going to leave you a few links below, that I hope will prove helpful to you:

What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ CLICK HERE

FERTILITY INFO GUIDES ~ CLICK HERE

Male factors ~ CLICK HERE

And don't forget to have a bit of fun while you are on FF and check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:

Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie night in the chat room every week (Wednesday at 8pm), where you can meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here. CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the Location boards. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Wishing you lots of luck with your ongoing treatments. ^reiki^

C~x
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Dear Ladies,

Thank you all for your kind words of support and encouragement, it’s such a comfort to know I’m not the only one in this situation because it was beginning to feel like that. I was amazed by how quickly FFs got in touch after I posted my first message and the past few days have been quite overwhelming, but it a good way.

I feel that over the past few days, with the support of FF, I’ve been more able to come to terms with DH’s azoospermia and how it makes me feel emotionally.  I’ve been relieved to hear I’m not the only one having the screaming, crying, irrational moments.  I’ve also started to think about what I can do practically to help deal with things.

I totally relate to what you’re saying, Almond. I’m used to being in control and I’m not at all with this.  I also think to myself if I could have a timeline into the future showing what was going to happen and when, that everything would be easier, but, as you say, life’s unfortunately not like that. 

Chick-chick. what a horrible situation for you.  I hope you get some good news soon.  I do know what you mean about building yourself up each month just hoping a miracle might happen as that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.  Thank you for also saying about the inward resentment and the guilt that follows.  I have experienced that too but felt I couldn’t share it with the few people who know about our situation because I didn’t think they’d understand. It can get so frustrating.  And, sometimes, it’s easy to forget how hard it must be for our DHs and DPs.

So, big hugs and thank you ladies.  You’ve made me feel like I’m not going mad and that it’s ok to feel like this sometimes. 

Lots of love and best wishes, Mrs B. xxx
 
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