[Dydie]

Telesales repellants, guaranteed to get rid of those annoying callers

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

Say "no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

If a life insurance company calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any family nor any friends, would you be my friend?"

If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the runs..."

If the company cleans carpets, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

Ask them to repeat everything they say several times.

Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your mum?"

Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

When the salesperson asks, "Is this the homeowner?" say, "Is this the salesperson?" And when they say, "Yes," hang up.

 

[stockportsun]

must remember these
                                            stockportsun

 

[Mrs Nikki]

This I love  as I have them calling all the time - wish there was a way to get rid of the recorded message ones though with the same sarcasm.

 

[jane1]

ace.Ill remember these.Where do you get all your jokes from you have loads.jane xxx

 

[Dydie]

Glad you enjoyed this one girls..Jane I am actually useless with jokes but these mainly come courtesy of of a friend who is in the navy and obviously has nothing better to do all day  some of them also come from my DH who being a lorry driver is the one responsible for most of the sexual jokes!
Dydie xx

 

[**Tashja**]

Oh I soooo need the phone to go now !!!!

DH wants to know if these work with mother-in-laws !!! 

         

 

[baby whisper]

hi
  very funny dydie i will have to try this one out to 
                                baby wisper

 

[~*Claire*~]

should really print these off and keep them next to the phone!!! one day I got a lady call me 6 times in one day! I kept telling her to stop calling and hung up on her but she couldnt speak english very well and thought I was telling her to ring later!!!
Claire,
x.

 

[keemjay]

i had a woman call me once and i was quite blunt as i was in a hurry - just 'sorry i'm not interested' and put the phone down  - the cheeky wotsit then called me back - i didnt answer as i was even more in a hurry by then, so the answerphone clicked in. she left a message saying
'hello this is X again, i'd just like to say that there was no need to hang up on me, it was very rude and immature of you,i'm just doing my job' !!!!!!!! how dare she harass me TWICE and have the cheek to abuse me in MY home when i never asked her to call me inthe first place !!!
i lurched for the phone to give her what for but couldnt get to it before she hung up and of course there was no number on 1471...i couldnt believe it - i kept listening to the message for days!! i still havent got over it!!

kj