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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've got no known problems and my husband has NOA.

Occasionally I get the weirdest thoughts that I just wanna go and secretly do dIUI and try and get pregnant just to surprise him. Of course it would never work, as I would never even consider passing the baby off as genetically his.

I think it's because he's away a lot, so some days I feel less connected to my husband than I otherwise would. Wanting to get pregnant is bad enough with azoospermia, but not seeing your partner for sometimes weeks or occasionally even months at a time makes you feel detached from everything some days.

I guess I'm just having a weird day.

I think I am just missing the idea of just the unexpectedness of pregnancy, the surprise. I feel like infertility problems rob us all of that somewhat.

Am I a complete weirdo or does this even remotely cross anyone else's mind? I hasten to add, I would never actually do it!
 

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hi maybe if,

I dont think you are weird, it must be really hard when your dh is not there a lot of the time. i know i would go crazy if i  was in your position. i have often thought about the same thing too although i would never do it either. Even all my friends tell me to go out and sleep with someone else just to get pg and tell dh it was a miracle ;D, but like you i would never do that.

I want his baby not anyone elses. I know its really hard but you will get a bfp someday just keep trying and  ^pray^.

keep your chin up.

kat
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Tweety, it's a good point, actually my husband (having the infamous squaddie sense of humour) keeps saying he'll get me drunk and send me down town on a Friday night as it's cheaper than donor sperm!

Men. What can you do? Can't shoot 'em.  ::)

I do keep thinking it's the oddest, most random thought to have though, so I'm glad I'm not alone in all of this.

I've been watching a documentary on women having abortions, and their stories. It was really interesting, and made me realise I've waited so long to find the right guy. And gone through many bad ones in the process! For me, having the right guy is so much more important than having children. Although that was the logical next step for us, a step which has evolved into a stumbling block. But we never seem to get what we want 100% of the time so one out of two ain't bad.

Oh and we have the dog too. Can't forget the dog! :)
 

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ok so this will sound mental but i think the same about having a quick fling to try and get pg... even though my dh hasnt got a problem with his swimmers  ^idiot^  ^idiot^ ^idiot^ i would NEVER do it though but it does cross my mind when i see a sexy man walking in the street sometimes  ;D
 

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I don't think you're mad at all, we all have some weird unrational thoughts sometimes.

How about this..........I have a friend of a friend who took 5 years to conceive her first daughter who is the absolute double of her father...........she had ivf for the second daughter who incidentally looks nothing like either of them (I'm thinking donor)...........then she falls pg naturally and her DH has to ask her if it's his and she says yes and then when it pops out it has masses of very very dark hair and looks nothing like them.

Hmmmmmmmmm, that's got me wondering......................!!
 
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Just want to say i've had these thoughts too, after experinecing all the hurt associated with IF i think maybe it would just be easier to just go and have iui with donor sperm.

but it's my husbands baby that i want i want it to be a part of us both, but IVF is so heartbreaking when things don't work out and i feel as though i've been robbed of the pleasure of ttc naturally and just waiting for my babies to come along

i think i feel this way as my Dh had a vasectomy so our problems are due to a decision he made to be sterilised!! we have tried twice to reverse this but both attempts have failed its just so unfair for all of us in this situation.

i think its quite normal to think what if .....
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
lol I was really in two minds about starting this thread but I'm glad I did!

I've actually told my husband I would be really happy to go for a paternity test if I ever did get pregnant naturally, as I would never want some doubt like that eating away at him. With him being away so much, I think it's much easier for him to worry about things like that.

My other guilty secret is I keep thinking - at least with donor sperm, it won't inherit his bad headaches and eyesight problems. And (and this is where I win the award for being a cow!) I really don't get on with his family, so I keep thinking it would be less related to his side of the family and maybe avoid the drug taking/physical violence/alcoholism/lying and manipulation that goes on on that side. But of course it would still be related and involved with his side.

On the flip side, I am terrified of not having his genetic child. As he is in the army and goes off to dangerous places, I don't want to be suddenly stuck on my own with a child that's not even his. Especially if he got killed when I was only pregnant or something, he would have had no input, genetic or otherwise, into that child.

Maybe we should rename this the confessions thread!

 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
KatieD said:
All the things I could confess to! We'd be here years!
lol Well, it's a way to pass the time while we're waiting for treatment!
 

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hi all,

its weird that we are all more or less thinking the same thing.

the song about the woman having a fling is called "all i wanna do is make love to you" by heart. It really is a great song i love it. its about the lady and her dh cant get her pregnant so she has a one night stand and gets pg.

listen to it if you get the chance. thats why my friends said to me to do that because of the song
 

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Hi all,

What an interesting thread! It occurred to me that if my DH's vas reversal failed but there were still some sperm maybe I could consider using DI on the QT and say Est voila! A surprise pregnancy, it DID only take one!  Again, it was all theoretical, would never do it but equally would not be keen on donor sperm up front because would always feel that my DH might not love the baby the same as I would. I just know I would never go through with it as would be sick with guilt for the rest of my life probably but fascinating to know that other people have had similar thoughts...

Having said that about donor sperm, my sister has 2 children using this as her DH had a brain tumour aged 17 prior to thoughts of sperm-banking and he loves them like his own.

x
 

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phew! so its not only me that thinks this sometimes ... !!!l

Of course like all of you I'd never ever do it, but the postman would be my choice ... how's that for a special delivery har har!! I think the seed of thought was put in my head by a very good friend who said matter of factly, this would have been the way round the problem a few years back before dna tests. Knowing my luck tho the postman will be a few letters short of a full postbag too!

Glad I'm not evil or anything, I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if I knew dh was thinking like this ... glad its obvioulsy harmless (so long as he doesnt read my thoughts ... or this thread!).

Kerry x
 
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