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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hi there

Brieflly, my son has aspergers syndrome and his behaviour has plummeted and we are a miserable stressful family.

Ive been doing research on ODD and what i read i find very interesting. Basicallly my son displays EVERYTHING about ~ODD, ie defiant, rude, disruptive.... Family life just now is awful, very stressful, lots of shouting and tears from all.

http://www.kidsbehaviour.co.uk/OppositionalDefiantDisorderODD.html

I was wondering if anyone here had any extra info, experience of this.

Thanks.
 

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I work with adults with LD and Mental health, I had a client who had this many years ago.

She was a very bright and lovely girl but had this ODD. Everything we asked her to do, she did the complete opposite. Everything was an argument.

We had very strict bounderies with her. She knew afterwards what she had done (If she had been violent or thought she had upset you) and would apologise. she came from africa and had a horrendous childhood, which was added to the mix.

I can't be more of a help sorry, as it was about 13yrs ago now, But just wanted to let you know i knew about it as alot of people haven't and think its a made up disorder!  ^bigbad^ 
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
thanks, my son basically says no to everything i say. He beats me, punches, stratches, kicks, destroys things... the list is endless.  I cant punish him as it ends up a punishement for me and his twin bro/sis who are only 20 months old.  He is refusing to work in school and wont do any homework.  He says very hurtful things to me and swears at me too.  Its making our home life very hard and i feel devastated he is being like this. Every day is like this and its getting worse. Im at the end of my tether.  We do everything for him that we can, but ive never heard of ODD until i was looking up aspergers on google.  I am going to make an appointment with my GP tomorrow but i dont hold out hope cause last time she didnt want to know as it was all done via the school doctor.  Im also going to contact his SW.
 

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Yeah hes a typical boy with aspergers. He could have ODD with it too, plus behavioural problems anyway.

Has he had a full assessment and is he getting extra help at school etc. Does he go to mainstream school? You need to insist your SW organises more assessments and support for him, He needs his behavouir management plan looking at for him and YOU!

DO you get any respite care? You really should think about it for all your sakes. I really don;t know how you cope. I have a lot of clients who do this, it is stresful for us but i can go home at the end of the day  ^hugme^
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
he had his assessment when he was 5... he is 9 now, he was diagnosed with AS and nothing else, ie no adhd....    he isnt getting much help at school, the council funding up here isnt great and they dont have speical teachers. his teacher is very good tho and there is an assistant but no 1:1.  they are trying... as am i.  He has an IEP in place and ive a meeting regarding that next week.  It is a mainstream school, yes. My sw is looking into anger management classes and is calling the school dr on my behalf, ill call her tomorrow, see how she has got on.  He used to go to a family centre once a week, boys club, but now he is 9 there is nothing for him.  at present i get no respite care.  i dont know how i cope either.... im slowly beginning to not cope tho.
 

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You need to tell the SW you need respite care. They have to offer it to you, for all your sakes.  Also he needs to be re-assessed. what are is understanding skills like? Would he understand anger management?  ???  YOU as a family need a prog to follow when he becomes agnry in order to help him and to make you all including him feel safe.

You know all this but when hes angry hes feeling unsafe. Do you know what his triggers  are? Be really firm with the SW or else you need to go to his/her manager and request what support they are going to offer. Has he a community nurse?
Failing all that get your GP on your side. You really do need to fight your corner.

My friend had a similiar thing with her neice, basically she had never had an assessement done and is now 13 out of school and her mother doesn't want her!  ^bigbad^  But this could of been avoided if the support had been there, it is there now, sort of but my friend and her mum (girls grandmother) are now having to fight for everything and come down hard on social services.
 

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Hi,

I was just thinking about the support type of things that would be of help to you. I think speaking to your social worker would be the best thing as already suggested to see if they can alleviate the pressure you're under.

I would say be prepared to go higher and spk to the managers, if that fails then get your MP on your side to fight for what you should be entitled to.

I'm sorry I can't help anymore.

xxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
hi everyone

he has been referred back to the specialist who diagnosed him with AS 4 years ago. My SW has got me and the twins into tumble tots on a monday morning to get us out of the house and has also put their names down for a session where i leave them and get time to myself. 
School arent helping much at all.  He is easily distracted by others and last week was punished for things that, yes he was i nvolved in, but to him it was playing so he was so confused as to why he had to sit out swimming lessons and missed his treasure time on friday.    They are quick to dish out the punishments for him and im sure he is branded a brat. but to him he is just playing. one of the times he was punished was for "throwing objects across the room". When i asked him he said he was throwing them, yes, but it was part of his cannon game and he was only playing.

Right now, thats my main concern.... if he needs to be told off then they need to change their strategy in doing so and not just putting him out missing his treasure time.  arrrrgggghhhhhh, ive told the school this til im blue in the face. but hey ho... hopefully this week i wont have to call them like i did about 10 times last week.
 

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ahh bless him  ^hugme^  Glad the SW has sorted some things for you. Could she not get a child psychologist to assess him and write up a behaviour management plan for the school to use and some bl00dy trainng for them! Oooh it makes me so angry that they can't see hes not being 'naughty'!  ^bigbad^
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
mighty mini - a behavioural plan for the school is a great idea...... 
 

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its just that we use them in work, we write them and explain ALL their known behaviours and what can trigger them and how to descalate them. Then what to to if it comes to crisis point. we even write in things, like words to use to help them calm down, that thy respnd to, like "its ok, tell me where it hurts/what can i do to help" or "go to your room and calm down"  or even put fave music on or even just to sit in silence. Whatever he responds to. You could write it with his teacher as they can then add things that they know will work etc.

They really do need some training as they are making his behaviiur worse.  ^bigbad^ 
 

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Hi mummy 30 , im so sorry you are having such a tough time, i too have a son with a similar personality he has got i think adhd but we have seen lots of doctors and they too think he has , pre school have asked for one to one funding but i started this ball rolling a year ago as i was concerned he would be punished alll the time too , i know how upsetting it can be, we lost all are friends made when he was under 1 due to his behaviour.  My husband has cf gynes too and i only found out through infertility, which is a worry in itself, did you husband know he was a carrier before you got together?  And to had to it i dont have family support really mother has manic depression,, what about you ?
How r ur twins?
rachel x
 

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Are there varying levels of this?  i have been thinking my daughter has some 'issues' with her behaviour, and she definitely displays varying degrees of some, if not all of the points on the website.  she isn't as bad at nursery, although can be defiant, however they are a bit ferral at nursery i think, so not sure that anyone would notice!

I have had a huge crackdown on her behaviour lately and we are seeing an improvement, but we still get screaming, she goes completely rigid, is hugely defiant, and can say some horrid things - although normally just screams 'i don't like it' or 'i don't want this'.  I have had to get really really tough with her (some of you may have seen my other thread!), and i praise her at every available opportunity.  She has been 'difficult' since she was very very young - and is completely different to my son.

thoughts?

 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
hi

still battling with the school and still going to meetings, its coming to end of term here, 4 weeks to go so for now im going along with them but then it all starts again next year, new teacher etc.  Ive encouraged them to do a class health and wellbeing project so they can include autism within it so the kids know that DS1 needs help and a nudge in the right direction rather then laughed at and egged on all the time. Head thought it was an idea but i just hope they carry it out. we will see.

anyway

rach,  DP had no idea that he was a carrier of CF until we were TTC and had problems, he went for tests and that was the result. Glad its just that in a way. worried that DS2 will have similar problems.  No idea what side of the family the gene comes from cause all of his family refused to get tested which doesnt help but hey ho.  they wouldnt have a simple blood test.

sal,  when i questioned ODD at the docs she didnt really want to know, when i asked her about it she didnt know much and was no help.  I think the nursery should be doing more, have you asked them about her behaviour? when is she dues to start school? My DS1  was branded a trouble maker at nursery and the nursery teacher was rude about him to me, but it was in p1 at school when the teacher picked up that something wasnt right with him.... if you get no joy from nursery i would try to do lots of star charts, taking each day at a time and hang on til she starts school.
 

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thats interesting , i thought that it was if you had the desease you would be infertile i hope to god my son so not have infertility i know he would be a carrier, sorry to hear the family were unwilling to go for tests , my husbands family have been very unwilling to discuss dont think they have even bothered to inform wider family as it may have problems for some and i would hate to think that a child maybe born with cf because of lack of testing.

Hope you can find away to enjoy the summer hols and get more support from teacher next yr.

Can i ask does your husband have any health problems relating to cf other than infertility?
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
hi rach, my DP is really healthy and has no CF issues at all, he is just a carrier of the gene. he is rarely ill, he has planty of swimmers tucked away up there just no way of getting out lol.  they are on the slow side which is why we went for icsi rather than ivf.
 
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