Hi everyone, hope im posting this on the correct thread.I have been wondering for weeks what my next course of action should be, i just haven't got a clue! I will give u my info to help you, to hopefully help me to make a decision. Im was 42 last month, i have no children and i started my 1st ivf/icsi cylce the other month.Everything was going fine & results were better than i was expecting, 11 or 12 follicles all really good sizes, and nurse said blood tests were 'perfect, exactly what we are looking for'.At egg collection they only got 4 eggs and some follicles were empty. Out of the 4 eggs, only 1 was mature but it didnt fertilise, but apparantly another egg had gone on to mature overnight, it fertilised and divided, it was a grade 3. Went in to have this transferred, all undressed with gown on waiting to go to theatre and they came to tell me that although it did divide, it has now gone back into one and there was fragmentation, got dressed and came home!! Follow up consultation said he wouldnt advise us to do another another cycle with own eggs as there is less than 5% chance, and he said i was on the highest doseage of meds, advised DE.Because i thought that was our only option, we paid £400 to go on the egg share list to wait for a donor and he said it would be around 6 mnths, we have got an appt at end of may for whatever. If money wasnt an issue i would defo try with own eggs but this cycle has just cost us £8,700 and can only afford 1 more cycle so want to give it my best shot. They told us £6,500 with egg share, and another £1,500 on top if they decide to do a sperm backup - dp had unsucessful vas reversal last june so he had sperm retrieval in jan just gone but they said they may do another op on him so we have fresh sperm. I understand with egg share that if donor gets less than 8 eggs she can give them all to me or keep them, if she keeps them, what happens to our £6,500? So my dilemma is: do i use my own eggs at another clinic or abroad or stick with this egg share, or go abroad and use DE?If i go abroad, can we take dp frozen sperm, cause as i said, that cost us £1,500 to retrieve.Because i only got 4 eggs on this cycle could that change at next cycle and what would they do about meds beens as thou i was on the highest dose this time. I know at the end of the day its my decision but hopefully some kind ladies will give me their advise and help me to come to a decision so i can get things sorted, move on to my next plan and get on with my life instead of feeling extremely anxious and worried 24/7. Thankyou for taking the time to read xxx
OWN EGGS OR DONOR?
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Hello Ame
It's a difficult position to be in, and there are no definite right answers.
I did an IVF at age 41 with my own eggs where everything looked good and we had 3 grade 1 embies but it was still unsuccessful. I did a further one at age 42 after I had my fibroid removed and despite being on the maximum dose of stimms I still only got 4 follies. We downgraded to IUI (luckily sperm was not an issue for us) but no luck. After that, we were told that there was no point in trying further IVF and if I wanted to continue with my own eggs, there was not much that they could do to improve our chances. It sounds as if you may be in the same position.
It is a big step going from your own eggs to DE, and I can quite understand you wanting to have another go with your own eggs in case you are luckier this time, but if funds are limited, it would be a shame to pay for another go with your own eggs and then not be able to afford to try DE if that fails. £8,700 sounds a lot for IVF - if you wanted another go with your own eggs, I'm sure you could find somewhere cheaper, either here or abroad.
I'm afraid I can't help with egg share as we didn't go down that road, but I'm sure people on the egg share board can answer those questions, likewise the sperm issues.
What I would say from my experience is that having a DE baby is not the same as having your own genetic child, but it is definitely better than not having a baby at all. Our Lizzie has given us a lot of joy in the last 5 months. I hope that you will be successful and have that joy, too.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Essex Girl x
It's a difficult position to be in, and there are no definite right answers.
I did an IVF at age 41 with my own eggs where everything looked good and we had 3 grade 1 embies but it was still unsuccessful. I did a further one at age 42 after I had my fibroid removed and despite being on the maximum dose of stimms I still only got 4 follies. We downgraded to IUI (luckily sperm was not an issue for us) but no luck. After that, we were told that there was no point in trying further IVF and if I wanted to continue with my own eggs, there was not much that they could do to improve our chances. It sounds as if you may be in the same position.
It is a big step going from your own eggs to DE, and I can quite understand you wanting to have another go with your own eggs in case you are luckier this time, but if funds are limited, it would be a shame to pay for another go with your own eggs and then not be able to afford to try DE if that fails. £8,700 sounds a lot for IVF - if you wanted another go with your own eggs, I'm sure you could find somewhere cheaper, either here or abroad.
I'm afraid I can't help with egg share as we didn't go down that road, but I'm sure people on the egg share board can answer those questions, likewise the sperm issues.
What I would say from my experience is that having a DE baby is not the same as having your own genetic child, but it is definitely better than not having a baby at all. Our Lizzie has given us a lot of joy in the last 5 months. I hope that you will be successful and have that joy, too.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Essex Girl x
Hi Ame, So sorry to hear about your failed cycle. 
I'm in exactly the same boat as you except I did IVF with my own eggs at 40. I got a good number of eggs, but sadly my cycle failed too. DH also had a reversal which worked but only for a short time, he developed sperm antibodies and his count became zero again. So, I know exactly how you feel. It was very hard for me at first, knowing I could get pregnant naturally but for DH's sperm (I don't have any fertility issues diagnosed). To be honest, we could have carried on and on trying with my own eggs and the clinic even suggested we should (but then they would, wouldn't they)!
After my failed cycle, I decided I didn't want to try again with my own eggs. It was my own decision and I know in my heart it's the best route for us to take as a couple. If I got pregnant using my own eggs, I would be absolutely terrified I would loose the baby due to the age and the quality of my own eggs. At the end of the day, I want whatever will give me the best chance of having a baby and I know this is the only way forward for me. I am a 110% at peace with my decision to use donor eggs. It is a fact that some ladies do get pregnant at our age but, we can't try naturally and that reduces our chances significantly. There are a few success stories and they are always lovely to hear about but sadly, they can be in short supply.
The way I look at it is...
Do you want a child so badly, that you are prepared to do anything to have one?
or
Do you want your own biological child so badly, you are prepared to risk never having a child at all?
There is no right or wrong answer love, just what feels right for you. I know I shall love and adore any child that comes into my life, no matter how he or she came into being.
I do agree with Essex Girl, it seems to me that your clinic has really overpriced your treatment. (Are you with the Care goup by any chance?). I know they are on the pricey side but they do have a good reputation. My DH needed PESA too but it cost us £900 (in June 2007) - our whole IVF cycle came to £5,500 so much cheaper that what you have paid.
I am having my DE treatment abroad and I am due to go to Spain in three weeks time. I have found the whole experience much better than any treatment I have received in this country but, I think I was unlucky with the clinic I choose. I think the clinics in this country are overstretched and I felt a bit like a sausage. I choose to go abroad due to the fact DE is anonymous and I begrugged paying £400 of our hard earned cash to be put on a list.
Yes, you can take your DH's Frozen Sample abroad, that's what we did. We had it shipped over from the UK to Spain. You will find though that most foreign clinics arranged PESA and TESA too. My DH has to be in Spain the day before egg collection in case there is a problem with his frozen sample, that way the clinic will be on standby to take a sample via needle if need be.
By the way, it's my understanding that if you do a DE Cycle in the UK and the donor doesn't produce enough eggs, she does have the option to keep them all for herself, but she will have to pay for the full cycle - you won't have to pay anything and loose out! If she gives them all to her recipient, the donor gets a highly reduced cycle next time and gets to keep her all her eggs. She will just have to pay for her medication and the HFEA fee.
I'd take some time, do some more reading and ask as many questions as you like to find out more. It will all come together in the end, I promise.
Hope I have been able to help, if only a little!
Best wishes
Birchie
I'm in exactly the same boat as you except I did IVF with my own eggs at 40. I got a good number of eggs, but sadly my cycle failed too. DH also had a reversal which worked but only for a short time, he developed sperm antibodies and his count became zero again. So, I know exactly how you feel. It was very hard for me at first, knowing I could get pregnant naturally but for DH's sperm (I don't have any fertility issues diagnosed). To be honest, we could have carried on and on trying with my own eggs and the clinic even suggested we should (but then they would, wouldn't they)!
After my failed cycle, I decided I didn't want to try again with my own eggs. It was my own decision and I know in my heart it's the best route for us to take as a couple. If I got pregnant using my own eggs, I would be absolutely terrified I would loose the baby due to the age and the quality of my own eggs. At the end of the day, I want whatever will give me the best chance of having a baby and I know this is the only way forward for me. I am a 110% at peace with my decision to use donor eggs. It is a fact that some ladies do get pregnant at our age but, we can't try naturally and that reduces our chances significantly. There are a few success stories and they are always lovely to hear about but sadly, they can be in short supply.
The way I look at it is...
Do you want a child so badly, that you are prepared to do anything to have one?
or
Do you want your own biological child so badly, you are prepared to risk never having a child at all?
There is no right or wrong answer love, just what feels right for you. I know I shall love and adore any child that comes into my life, no matter how he or she came into being.
I do agree with Essex Girl, it seems to me that your clinic has really overpriced your treatment. (Are you with the Care goup by any chance?). I know they are on the pricey side but they do have a good reputation. My DH needed PESA too but it cost us £900 (in June 2007) - our whole IVF cycle came to £5,500 so much cheaper that what you have paid.
I am having my DE treatment abroad and I am due to go to Spain in three weeks time. I have found the whole experience much better than any treatment I have received in this country but, I think I was unlucky with the clinic I choose. I think the clinics in this country are overstretched and I felt a bit like a sausage. I choose to go abroad due to the fact DE is anonymous and I begrugged paying £400 of our hard earned cash to be put on a list.
Yes, you can take your DH's Frozen Sample abroad, that's what we did. We had it shipped over from the UK to Spain. You will find though that most foreign clinics arranged PESA and TESA too. My DH has to be in Spain the day before egg collection in case there is a problem with his frozen sample, that way the clinic will be on standby to take a sample via needle if need be.
By the way, it's my understanding that if you do a DE Cycle in the UK and the donor doesn't produce enough eggs, she does have the option to keep them all for herself, but she will have to pay for the full cycle - you won't have to pay anything and loose out! If she gives them all to her recipient, the donor gets a highly reduced cycle next time and gets to keep her all her eggs. She will just have to pay for her medication and the HFEA fee.
I'd take some time, do some more reading and ask as many questions as you like to find out more. It will all come together in the end, I promise.
Hope I have been able to help, if only a little!
Best wishes
Birchie
Hi there Maryrose, 
Thanks for asking about me. I didn't get to go through with my last DE cycle, our donor didn't produce enough eggs. We are due to go back to Spain on the 19th May (all being well) I am scared of saying anything in case it all goes (.)(.)'s up again!
The clinic I am with are really good though and they managed to find us another donor pretty sharpish! I am not knocking the clinic, but if this cycle fails I will make sure I go with a clinic that uses a donor pool next time, it's not a nice experience. I would also make sure we had proven donor too, our first donor hadn't had treatment before, but she did have children Poor woman, I felt sorry for her too!
Anyway, how are you doing? Let me know where you are up to with treatment.
Hope to catch up with you soon.
Birchie
Thanks for asking about me. I didn't get to go through with my last DE cycle, our donor didn't produce enough eggs. We are due to go back to Spain on the 19th May (all being well) I am scared of saying anything in case it all goes (.)(.)'s up again!
The clinic I am with are really good though and they managed to find us another donor pretty sharpish! I am not knocking the clinic, but if this cycle fails I will make sure I go with a clinic that uses a donor pool next time, it's not a nice experience. I would also make sure we had proven donor too, our first donor hadn't had treatment before, but she did have children Poor woman, I felt sorry for her too!Anyway, how are you doing? Let me know where you are up to with treatment.
Hope to catch up with you soon.
Birchie
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848 Posts
Hi All,
Ame, I am only 31 but have had 3 failed ICSI cycles and have been told that my next option is donor eggs. I am a poor responder and so my current consultant felt my chances with my own eggs were very slim.
I am going to get a second opinion from the Lister, who are known for treating poor responders and I shall then make a decision. I have contacted a clinic abroad. They have long waiting list for donors but have excellent success rates so I am willing to wait. It also means that you get all of the donors eggs and not half and is much cheaper than in the UK. This doctor quoted me a 55-60% chance with donor eggs and a 15-20% chance with my own eggs. I know that it still quite good but after 3 failed cycles I can't help feeling we are fighting a losing battle. I think if we had endless funds and much more emotional strength I may keep on going with my own eggs but as it stands at the moment (unless the Lister have a different opinion) I think we will be persuing the donor eggs route.
Maybe you should pay for a consultation at the lister?
Birchie, good luck honey.
Ame, I am only 31 but have had 3 failed ICSI cycles and have been told that my next option is donor eggs. I am a poor responder and so my current consultant felt my chances with my own eggs were very slim.
I am going to get a second opinion from the Lister, who are known for treating poor responders and I shall then make a decision. I have contacted a clinic abroad. They have long waiting list for donors but have excellent success rates so I am willing to wait. It also means that you get all of the donors eggs and not half and is much cheaper than in the UK. This doctor quoted me a 55-60% chance with donor eggs and a 15-20% chance with my own eggs. I know that it still quite good but after 3 failed cycles I can't help feeling we are fighting a losing battle. I think if we had endless funds and much more emotional strength I may keep on going with my own eggs but as it stands at the moment (unless the Lister have a different opinion) I think we will be persuing the donor eggs route.
Maybe you should pay for a consultation at the lister?
Birchie, good luck honey.
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1,724 Posts
hi,
I've had 4 iuis & 4 icsis using my own eggs - I'm now 41. I was only ever a poor responder but we always had 100% fertilisation & grade 1 or occasionally 2 embies.
My clinic now thinks that even with these results my eggs were probably of a low quality when we first started trying (when I was 35).
I am now off to Athens (this Weds!!!) for donor eggs - it's taken about 2 weeks to find a donor!! (blonde/blue eyes).
The total cost will be about 5 000 euros (plus 2 scans in Uk) and flights (£400) and accomm (approx £500 for the week). You could stay somewhere a tad cheaper & you could only stay for 4 - 5 days bu we wanted to rest afterwards.
I'm using Serum clinic who have been absolutely FANTASTIC!!! I'm in email contact with a nursing director who has given me her home no & mobile & contacts me nearly every day! I can also have my scans done at my clinic (ISIS, Colchester) & then email the results.
A few people on here have already used the clinic & had great results.
I think some of the Uk clinics are very pricey in comparison - but they are good & you do know what you're getting. I know we are taking a chance but this is our last hope!
Good luck - I really would consider going abroad if you feel confident enough - I read zillions of posts on here first & accepted that it may mean rushing around booking flights/hotels at last minute as it all revolves around the donor's response.
Jess xxx
I've had 4 iuis & 4 icsis using my own eggs - I'm now 41. I was only ever a poor responder but we always had 100% fertilisation & grade 1 or occasionally 2 embies.
My clinic now thinks that even with these results my eggs were probably of a low quality when we first started trying (when I was 35).
I am now off to Athens (this Weds!!!) for donor eggs - it's taken about 2 weeks to find a donor!! (blonde/blue eyes).
The total cost will be about 5 000 euros (plus 2 scans in Uk) and flights (£400) and accomm (approx £500 for the week). You could stay somewhere a tad cheaper & you could only stay for 4 - 5 days bu we wanted to rest afterwards.
I'm using Serum clinic who have been absolutely FANTASTIC!!! I'm in email contact with a nursing director who has given me her home no & mobile & contacts me nearly every day! I can also have my scans done at my clinic (ISIS, Colchester) & then email the results.
A few people on here have already used the clinic & had great results.
I think some of the Uk clinics are very pricey in comparison - but they are good & you do know what you're getting. I know we are taking a chance but this is our last hope!
Good luck - I really would consider going abroad if you feel confident enough - I read zillions of posts on here first & accepted that it may mean rushing around booking flights/hotels at last minute as it all revolves around the donor's response.
Jess xxx
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