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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey

My first ivf starts the first week in april. Our nurses appointment is on the 21st march. So 20 days from now!!  :eek:

Ive been fine, all the way through the last 7yrs of trying to conceive, fine through clomid, ovarian drilling, fine through all the failed pregnancy tests, fine through the moments of anticipation and apprehension etc....(well not fine but you know what I mean)
Anyway my ivf starts soon and as it gets nearer im feeling weird, last night i had a dream i was pregnant, it was a xmas meal and all my family was sat in the middle of the shopping centre at a big long table eating christmas dinner!! (weird right!)
Suddenly my contractions started even though i wasnt due for a few weeks, I went to the hospital on my own because my husband wasnt there for some reason and no-one could get hold of him (even though he was at the meal-dreams never make sense) then all of a sudden i knew the baby was dead inside me and i kept screaming for the nurses to do a scan and they refused and said although i was contracting i couldnt be in the hospital until my due date! No matter how much i demanded a scan they wouldnt do it, then i realised throughout my entire pregnancy i had never had a scan!! I woke myself screaming and cold with sweat!

Then tonight, im sat here and have a heavy feeling in my chest, thinking i cant do this! i cant do ivf!! I JUST cant!!!  ^eyes^

We have 1 chance at ivf because we cant afford any more, so this is our 1 and only chance EVER to have a baby.


For the last 2 days ive felt like this. Everday i feel more panicky, like a tight feeling in my chest. about 30mins ago i felt like i needed to go out and get some fresh air because i couldnt breathe right!

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. Im crying now as i type this. This is not like me  :-[ :'(
 

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Tattybear  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

Panic attacks are horrible, really really horrible. They are so frightening and come on all of a sudden. Have you had panic attacks before? Or has it started since this dream?
In terms of coping with them, focus on your breathing, deeply and slowly. Have a little walk outside in the fresh air if you can. Avoid things like alcohol and caffeine as these can bring on panic attacks.
There is nothing wrong with you!  ^hugme^ ^hugme^  TTC, going through investigations is stressful enough, you have to try to push this dream out of your mind, as it sounds like this has had a huge impact on you  ^hugme^ ^hugme^
Regarding your IVF, you have to ask yourself, In 10 years time will you regret not trying?
You will have lots of support from your clinic (Lots now have councellors as part of their team, or can give you numbers of local people) I wish I had done this as part of our treatment too.
Stay with your Fertility Friends here, tell us how you are feeling.
If you do decide to go through IVF, take each phase at a time  ^hugme^ 

I hope you are feeling a little better this morning hun  ^hugme^
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hey :) thank you so much for replying.  ^hugme^
Im definately doing ivf, i just meant at the moments of panick im telling myself i cant. But when the time comes i will.
Ive never had a panick attack before no, although the feeling is very similiar to when both my grandparents died, the moment of their funeral. Sort of like 'i have to run and get out of this situation' almost claustrophobic i guess!
Jessops in sheffield do have counsellors but i dont know whether to go or not.
I think because its our last shot at ttc I feel worse. More pressure.
I do feel more relaxed this morning after sleep, its just at certain moments i feel panicky.

Thank you ssooo much for talking to me  ^hugme^
 

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Hi Tatty Bear,  ^hug me^

I suffer from panic attacks too, mine come on mainly at night when I am trying to sleep :( I get so worked up about my treatment as my head goes into overdrive thinking about it.  I know how you feel and it's not nice.

I have been through one ivf, and the next cycle will be in a couple of month's and this time is my last as we are going private too, and cant afford.  You may suprise yourself, and be quite calm through it all, I was very worried before it all started but was fine throughout until the end  :'(

Please try not to feel down ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ the only advice I can give really is try to stay as busy as possible, and maybe try something relaxing like reflexology, having a massarge or having a bath.  If you feel a attack coming on take some deep breaths, and do something like going for a walk/drive.  I know I sound crazy but I clean my house if I feel an attack coming on ^idiot^ ^idiot^!!  It just helps me focus on something else, then I light my candles and get pleasure out of my home being lovely!! BONKERS ^idiot^

I know how you feel with the dreams too, I started having a lot of them. Mine were all I have a baby and it's great, then I wake up and it's horrible because it's all just a dream ^eyes^.


Take Care, Good luck  ^pray^ and pm me any time if you want,

Love Roxy xxx


 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Roxy19 said:
Hi Tatty Bear, ^hug me^

I suffer from panic attacks too, mine come on mainly at night when I am trying to sleep :( I get so worked up about my treatment as my head goes into overdrive thinking about it. I know how you feel and it's not nice.

I have been through one ivf, and the next cycle will be in a couple of month's and this time is my last as we are going private too, and cant afford. You may suprise yourself, and be quite calm through it all, I was very worried before it all started but was fine throughout until the end :'(

Please try not to feel down ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ the only advice I can give really is try to stay as busy as possible, and maybe try something relaxing like reflexology, having a massarge or having a bath. If you feel a attack coming on take some deep breaths, and do something like going for a walk/drive. I know I sound crazy but I clean my house if I feel an attack coming on ^idiot^ ^idiot^!! It just helps me focus on something else, then I light my candles and get pleasure out of my home being lovely!! BONKERS ^idiot^

I know how you feel with the dreams too, I started having a lot of them. Mine were all I have a baby and it's great, then I wake up and it's horrible because it's all just a dream ^eyes^.

Take Care, Good luck ^pray^ and pm me any time if you want,

Love Roxy xxx
Hey Roxy, thank you for taking the time to reply, i appreciate it.
I know what you mean about cleaning, when im in one of my cleaning moods its my hubby having the panick attack because if he sits still for longer than 5 minutes i try and stick him in a store cupboard or on a shelf LOL
I hope our 2nd ivf works and that you can use the relaxation techniques you tried the first time to help your through.
It is a lot of pressure on us isnt it when we know its our only chance :(
I know this is going to sound weird but im worried about having my downstairs waxed and making sure i dont look like a gorilla down there for the nurse/doctor, does that worry other people of just me? LOL

Thanks so much and good luck :)
 

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^hugme^ ^hugme^  Tatty ... Having a distraction definately helps if you feel an attack coming on, like Roxy has said.
It's strange I never had any attacks before until my little one was 3 months old, I had a major panic attack on the motorway of all places, I forced myself to drive a mile (tunnel vision, panicking like mad, sweating, shaking, couldn't breathe etc) then I'd pull over on the hard shoulder, try to calm down and try again for another mile, and it went on like that. So what should've taken me 2 hours to get home actually took me 6 hours! Horrible experience. I still get mild attacks now, mainly at night, and they are worse if I have had a drink the night before.
I really recommend going for councelling, I wish I had, as I still have 'issues' with having had IVF.

Wishing you lots of luck with your appt, and upcmoing treatment x  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^
 

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Hi Tatty,

I wouldnt worry about how you look down there! It did used to bother me years ago when I was having scans at the start of all of this. So I can understand why your worried!! The way I get round it now is to just think how many other people the doctors/ nurses see in a day.  When I go for scans I am quite well covered up, and egg collection I was out of it. Having my embryo put in I was to excited to care! ;D  I am always more worried about ( blush  :-[ letting go of some wind) lol!!!

Take Care,
Roxy  ^hugme^ Xxx
 

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Hi tattybear

Just wanted to send you a  ^hugme^. I can empathise about the panic attacks as I have had plenty. Mainly as a teenager but I still get them sometimes. A good tip for if you start to feel like you can't breath is to breath in and out of a paper bag (have used a crisp packet for this once out of desparation!). It really works as when you panic you tend to breath too quickly and the carbon dioxide builds up making you feel funny. Once you believe that the panic attack cannot hurt you it will be much more manageable. Also it may help to analyse the thoughts that were going through your head as it came on. I find that the bad thoughts are not so scary if you acknowledge them, try not to fight them but let them drift off again. Then try to say a good thought to yourself.

I started acupuncture for fertility benefits but have found it really helps me deal with the emotional side of things too. Maybe it is something you could try?

Also, IVF is certainly up there in the list of biggest things ever to happen to me and Ive not even started tx yet! I think it is perfectly normal to feel scared/weirded out. Sometimes it all seems so surreal and then I have the sudden thought 'wow, this is really going to happen to me'. I am trying to think of it as an adventure and my chance to be a superhero in the story of my own life. I may even begin wearing my undies on the outside.

And... there was a link under What the Papers Say recently about stress and how it doesn't make any difference to whether you get pg or not..so no beating yourself up about how you feel.
Kind Regards            Flowersinthewindow
 

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Hi Tatty, I just wanted to give you a hug  ^hugme^ Panic attacks and anxiety attacks are absolutely awful. I suffer with them too and can be fine for months and months and when my stress levels peak and stay there for a little while I tend to start experiencing them again. The physical symptoms are horrible, but someone advised me of a great way to deal with them and it works for me personally - say to yourself these are just a bunch of symptoms in response to my panic and they cannot hurt me. I'm not going to faint, die, go mad or anything else. I then say to myself 'Come on symptoms - do your worst' and almost mock them...!  ^idiot^ It really works for me - I guess it's like standing up to bullies, the panic attack being the bully!  ???

The part that scares me the most is the mental side of things - feeling I'm going mad and actually losing my mind, like I can't cope with anything, like I'm losing control, feeling of impending doom etc. I've learnt over the years to cope much better and always always have a packet of Kalms on me and take two when I feel my stress levels rising and these usually avert things for a while. I also try distracting myself with other things, cleaning etc, or even just speaking to someone about anything - what's on tv, where they're going for their hols etc - anything unrelated. I went through a really bad spell with work pressures and my gp was great and prescribed Diazepam to take as and when - to date I've only ever had two (and broke those into quarters - and they're the smallest dose ones too!). They just seem to work as I know they're there if things get really bad - like a crutch or something. The gp said it's fine to take in pregnancy too (as women with epilepsy take it regularly throughout) so don't worry about that if you ever got them and felt you had to take one.

Anyway, I've waffled for ages now, sorry!!  ;D Hope you're feeling better soon - just remember you're really not alone and you are definitely not going mad  ^hugme^ You're dealing with a really stressful time in your life and loads of people will respond this way. Get yourself some counselling as I really think that will help - talking to someone and have them tell you you are completely normal and will get better  ^hugme^ Feel free to pm me if you'd like to xx
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
FLOWERSINTHEWINDOW, ROXY, JAJ1, CERI-
Thank you so very much for being ssooo kind to me  ^hugme^
Ive not had one since so im  ^pray^ it was a one off!!
Im sorry to read you too have had panick attacks, your all sounded much worse than mine. And Ceri driving with one sounds very dangerous, please please dont drive if it ever happens again.
JAJ1 you are definately not losing your mind! I think though, we all feel like we are losing it at some poing dont we  ;D Good idea to mentally tell the panick attack 'to get lost'  ;)
Roxy I bet a vagina to them is like an arm or leg to us! but i just cant help it! I think i will go for a wax before the 21st, it will help me feel less embarrassed  :-[

Thanks so much ladies and sorry if I missed anyones names out, im hopeless at remembering names! :)
 

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^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^  Tatty

Glad you haven't had one since  ^hugme^  If you do (really hope you dont though), just remember what's been said on here  ^hugme^  The sad thing is that they can come on suddenly :(
I dont tend to drive for long periods now for fear of it happening again, (I rung dh I dont know how many time in tears! but the thought of getting home to him and dd spurred me on)
You take care and let us know how you are getting on xx
 

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Hi Tatty,

Sorry to hear about your Panic attacks. I am glad that you are feeling better. THere is some good information about panic attacks, controlled breathing and relaxation on www.patient.co.uk.

I am about to start IVF and also keep getting horrible dreams- i had one the other day where everyone had a baby and i had one too that was too small and when i picked it up, died in my hands! Really horrible! I think it must be our subconscious messing around with our worries in the night!

I wouldn't worry re how you look- for all the scans i have had, the lights have been dimmed and i was covered with a cloth and she reached the scan under the cloth and didn't look at all.

Also speaking as someone who works in the NHS it really is all the same to us- elbows, knees , bottoms, - it really is the exception rather than the rule to find someone who doesn't have any hair there! (Having said that i did shave my bikini line before going for my operation and get paranoid that they might notice that i haven't shaved my legs when i go for a smear!- must be a girl thing!)

x

/links
 
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