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EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
>
> 8:00 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
> 9:30 a.m. Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
> 9:40 a.m. Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
> 10:30 a.m. Oh boy! Getting rubbed and petted! M favorite!
> 11:30 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
> Noon - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
> 1:00 p.m. Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
> 4:00 p.m. Oh boy! To the park! My favorite!
> 5:00 p.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
> 5:30 p.m. Oh boy! Pretty flowers! My favorite!
> 6:00 p.m. Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
> 6:30 p.m. Oh boy! Watching TV w/my master! My favorite!
> 8:30 p.m. Oh boy! Sleeping in my master's bed! My favorite!
>
> EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
>
> Day 183 of my captivity: My captors continue to
> taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
> dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to
> eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going
> is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I
> get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
> Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my
> attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
> feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must
> try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
> disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
> again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
> chair; must try this on their bed. Decapitated a
> mouse and brought them the headless body in an
> attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of,
> and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They
> only cooed and condescended about what a good little
> cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
> There was some sort of gathering of their
> accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement
> throughout the event. However, I could hear the
> noise and smell the food. More importantly, I
> overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies".
> Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
>
> I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
> may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and
> seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a
> half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to
> be an informant. He speaks with them regularly. I
> am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
> current placement in the high metal room, his safety
> is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.......
> __________________
>
> 8:00 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
> 9:30 a.m. Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
> 9:40 a.m. Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
> 10:30 a.m. Oh boy! Getting rubbed and petted! M favorite!
> 11:30 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
> Noon - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
> 1:00 p.m. Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
> 4:00 p.m. Oh boy! To the park! My favorite!
> 5:00 p.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
> 5:30 p.m. Oh boy! Pretty flowers! My favorite!
> 6:00 p.m. Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
> 6:30 p.m. Oh boy! Watching TV w/my master! My favorite!
> 8:30 p.m. Oh boy! Sleeping in my master's bed! My favorite!
>
> EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
>
> Day 183 of my captivity: My captors continue to
> taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
> dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to
> eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going
> is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I
> get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
> Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my
> attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
> feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must
> try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
> disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
> again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
> chair; must try this on their bed. Decapitated a
> mouse and brought them the headless body in an
> attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of,
> and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They
> only cooed and condescended about what a good little
> cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
> There was some sort of gathering of their
> accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement
> throughout the event. However, I could hear the
> noise and smell the food. More importantly, I
> overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies".
> Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
>
> I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
> may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and
> seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a
> half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to
> be an informant. He speaks with them regularly. I
> am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
> current placement in the high metal room, his safety
> is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.......
> __________________
