[Tallullah]

Hi Folks

This is my first time in posting a message so please bear with me......

I was recently diagnosed with POF, I'm only 30 and have had many blood tests spanning over about 6 years. There is a history of early Menopause in my family (my mum was 31 - but she already had her 3 kids by then) and that was my biggest fear that I'd never have my own child......unfortunately my nightmare has came true......

Unfortunately I had the specialist from HELL, who with 3 blood tests showing ovarian failure said he could not diagnose this (he originally told me when I went in that everything was "fine" and only when I confronted him about the results from my own GP did he look further into my file), but by going private and seeing someone the very next day he told me that it WAS POF and there was no chance of having my own family but egg donation was an option.

I am GUTTED to say the least, I think I am more angry at the fact possibly something could have been done - maybe not - but now I'll never know. I was referred to this same GP in 2003 after blood results showed my ovaries were not functioning properly and the second specialist said that this may have been an indication that things were not right.I cannot understand why this was not picked up sooner.....

One specialist told me I'd have eggs of my own another told me no way.....I'm so confused......

They have advised me to get my own donors......bit of a problem there as at present I am single and do not know what to do for the best......they also said a family member is ideal but I'm not sure if I want to go down that road or not....is there anyone out there that has decided to go with a member of their family as a donor? Who has opted for anonymity? I'm hoping that by talking to you all that I can try and make some sense out of all this....

What I do know is I want to have a baby, I'm just not sure emotionally what is best for me......I have a few thoughts on what would be best for my baby but not sure if it's the right thing for me....

Please help - any comments are most welcome...

 

[Jennifer]

Hi Tallulah and welcome to ff

I am sorry to hear how much you have been messed about with your diagnosis. The same thing happened to me, one minute i was told everything would be fine, the next time i went it was " oh you'll never have any more of your own children " Like you i was absolutely gutted. My dx (diagnosis) was over 10 years ago now and although it is hard, i have come to terms with the fact that i will need donor eggs. Time is a great healer (cliche i know ) and i hope that in time you will feel ready to take that step.

When i was first diagnosed, i was only 21/22 and on my own with my son so IVF was not an option. I do have a partner now (he cancelled our treatment earlier this year ) although if i was on my own, i would certainly consider IVF regardless of having a partner or not.

I am not sure about having a family member as a donor... I think this would be too close for comfort for me. We will be having treatment in Spain because the nurse on this site works at a clinic in Marbella. Their donor egg success rate is pretty good and it is cheaper and quicker to go there than wait up to 2 years in this country.

There is a Donor Egg thread on this website, lots of lovely ladies waiting for donors and some who have been through all this before so pop in and say hello, i know you will get a warm welcome. Also, under Meeting Places on the main board is local areas. You can chat to other girlies who are near to you.

You will be very glad you found this site, it has helped me through some very hard times. Always someone here to listen when you feel down.

Feel free to send me an Instant Message if you want to.

Take care
Jennifer xx

Here are the links to find egg donor and meeting places

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/board,64.0.html

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/board,37.0.html

 

[Tallullah]

Hi Jennifer

Thanks for taking time to reply......


I don't want to sound a b**** (especially when I'm just new) but you are really lucky you've got a child of your own, I think the hardest thing for me is knowing that I'll never see what MY baby will look like.

As far as a family donor.....I agree...sometimes I do think it's a bit close to home (she's only 18 so it will affect her bigstyle too), I'm so messed up about the whole thing that whatever way i look at it there are always some negatives. i suppose I was looking at it from the baby's point of view....y'know what is going to be easier for them to deal with growing up. I didn't find out who my real dad was until I was 15 which had a big effect on my teenage years (teeneager from hell!!! ha ha) and also with my mum and I's relationship.......hence the whole reason for waiting to have a family....y'know meet the right guy, have a good job, house etc....so I don't really know what to do for the best. I suppose that if I went on to have another (although I'll be delighted if I can have just one) that they'd at least be related (half sister and brother) if I had my sisters eggs....Gosh it is soooooo confusing!!!!

So when is your treatment in Spain? How long is the whole process? I'm assuming you are on a NHS waiting list? My main thing is now that I don't have a partner and sometimes I feel if I had been more pushy in saying I actual did then they'd have given my case the same attention as a couple......

AAARRRRGGGHHHHH - Loads of thing running through my mind.

Thanks alot for taking time to write...please keep me updated on your progress and thanks for the links.....just getting new to this...infact i don't even think I posted my note correctly but hey!