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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well today didn't quite turn out how we'd imagined.  We got the phonecall at 8am this morning and was expecting a journey from Cambridge to Oxford, but instead were gutted to find out there was no cell division and so no embryo to put back.  Can't believe we didn't even get the chance to start on the 2ww. 

Feel all sorts of emotions to be honest - feel cheated, anger, sadness, numbness, failure.

Tim Child rang us back later on and told us that we shouldn't be discouraged by this result, but that we were the first IVM couple not to get an embryo back.  Seems to stem from the fact they couldn't get many eggs, so our odds were lower.  He did say this cycle would have no baring on the success of IVF.

So we're now in the position of trying to work out what to do.  Where do we get the money?  When do we do it? 

I am going to use this time though to focus on something or else I think I'll go mad!  Am going to take the opportunity to get fitter and lose weight. 

Can't bare to be around anyone at the moment-my patience and tolerance has gone completely out of the window.  Hopefully that will pass.

Feels like someone's testing my strength of character. 

The one single thing I'm so angry about is the lack of help when you just want to have something so natural in the world.  I know my DP had a vasectomy - but the NHS soon help you go through that process - but do they help you reverse what they've aided? 

I've not had the opportunity to have children until now - and wanted to do it the right way - once settled with someone, once we could financially manage to do it etc etc.  But I feel like I'm being punished by something in the past that had nothing to do with me, when I wasn't on the horizon.

I feel destroyed for my partner, who didn't ever envisage all this when he had his vasectomy 6 years ago.  He feels to blame for all this, and that if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have to go through all this.

Anway, apologies for all the ranting.  Makes you feel quite an ugly person all this.

Maybe each day the horizon will get better.

Thanks for everyone's support and good wishes.

I hope everyone elses journey turns out well.

Take care

Rachel
XXX


 

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Oh Rachel

I am so so sorry about what happened today  ^hugme^.

You're so right to feel all those emotions. It is just so awful and disappointing.

Don't give up. Take some time to be kind to yourself

Love

Emma xxxxx
 

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Hun

I've also moved your post to here so you get as much support as possible

Love

Emma x
 

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Rachel

^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^

As Emma says you have every right to feel all of those emotions hun, tx really is such a rollercoaster and when you head down one of the dips they really are hard to swallow ^Cuddle^

It's a very good idea to focus on something else even if only for a few weeks, give your brain and your heart a chance to rest and recover before you decide what's next.  This is a grieving process just as if someone had died and you need chance to get over it.

Take care

Axxxx
 
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