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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,

Last Friday I was diagnosed with enodmetrial cancer, I am devastated as the only treatment is a total hysterectomy... this of course means no children for me ever....I have just turned 37 and my DH (42) have been married 5 yrs and have been TTC since then. I can't stop crying I am worried about the cancer the operation andmost of all the un-ending sadness of never having children..

I always had irregular periods but have had DUB since 1996. I was referred then and 2 years after that but all the consultants were worried about was cervical cancer, so they checked me for nothing else (despite not being on the pill, not having regular ovulation and having unexplained DUB !!) by 2000 I was sufferring badly with bleeding so went back to doctors who put me on the pill, didn't work so after a few months I was out on northisterone which did regulate the bleeding but I wasn't sent to be checked for anything else, still got married in 2000 and as wanted to get pregnant stopped taking the northisterone (as can't take when pregnant) the bleeding didn't return for some time but as no pregnancy after 3 years of trying went back to doctors....

I was then referred to infertility unit at the hospital, who immediately sent me for all checks possible not just to find cause of infertility but also to find cause of bleeding which had returned... They were shocked that I had ever been sent for any of these tests in previous referrals, so in Nov 2004 I started to have appts to and fro from the hospital for scans, biopsies, and finally had a hysteroscopy and a D&C on 6 June.  They told me they found polyps and an enlarged uterus and thickened endometrium, but I thought it was going to be non cancer polyps (as very rare) or hyperplasia that could be treated with progesterone and then they would try and get me pregnant. 

Hence the results last Friday were a total shock... I don't know what to do with myself, my consultant just blurted it out and I was stressed and upset already having waited 3 weeks since the D&C for the results, I guess like anyone I never thought he was going to say cancer, but also like many women cancer and hysterectomy, causing infertility and surgical menopause it's a triple whammy ! and I just don't know if I can or will ever be able to cope with it all.  My op is booked for 8 Aug, so I don'thave much time, they will look at egg retrieval but chances are slim due to history of non ovulation and I am not allowed to take egg producing drugs as they promote the cancer... so if no eggs are found that's it for me..  no chance of IVF with a host surrogate I have no one who I could ask to do it for me anyway and haven't got the money to pay for it... also adoption is out as you have to be clear of cancer I'm told before you're allowed to adopt which means I have no time as we will be well old by then !!

I'm not looking forward to any of it I can't have HRT after the op and will be thrust into menopause at age 37... everyone is sympathetic the cancer nurse at the hospital and my doctor have been great but can ultimately do nothing to stop me feeling so devastated. I'm sad because I want my and my DH's babyand don't feel I could love or cope with having a baby that wasn't mine... but I do fear that I won't have many if any of my own eggs to use as I can't be given any hormones.

I just feel so sad and angry and I swing between this and denial and all sorts of silly things go through my head, I just can't imagine not having a family, what sort of a married life is it without the joy of children....I am constantly thinking about never having a baby,never experiencing all those things I wanted to like,making birthday cakes, days at the beach, first day at school, the joy of Christmas,watching them take their first steps and of course telling my lovely DH that I am pregnant and seeing his face light up...life feels so unfair....
Sam
 

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Dear Sam,
Hello and welcome to ff.
I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis and the radical treatment which you need to go through. 
Of course nothing anybody says or does will ever make this easier to cope with and no body should pretend it will. Having had many discussions with my DH about his cancers and tx's i gather from him that the "one day at a time rule" is crucially important when facing this sort of thing.
Getting yourself through the op and getting back to health needs to be a major priority and all the other issues can follow afterwards.
I am sorry if this reply is not very helpful but i wanted you to know that there are people here to support you when ever you might need it.  Please feel free to IM me if at anytime you want to chat.
All luck and love
Amanda
xxxxxx
 

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Hi Sam,

Your mail box is full so I hope you don't mind me posting my reply to your IM here...
I know its not as you would have planned it, but the egg stimulation can and retrival can offer you some hope and at least helps to give you an option which you otherwise would not have had. As you say, it is wise to take one step at a time. As far as surrogacy is concerned I know it is a lot cheaper in places like Greece. The clinics over there are state of the art with good success rates. That might be something to consider further down the line if you choose to do egg collection.

Sending you a big  ^Cuddle^!

Sasha.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hi
just wanted to post an update on me, I had the total hyst on 17 Oct, physical recovery is going ok but I am very sad to have had it done, I am even more devastated than I was before the op...the results were good, the cancer had spread but was still contained within my uterus so I don't need radiotherapy apparently!! I can't help wishing now I had tried the coil and progesterone treatment that my second opinion consultant offered, but my consultant said it was unlikely to have 'worked'....now I'll never know...but  I now know it was early stage after all so I would have had 'time' to try, still the devastation for me is being childless and being cancer free doesn't seem  big 'great' to me..
Although I am physically feeling much better, my surgical menopause problems are  awful; my skin is flaking off like sunburn and is dry and stiff, as is my hair, I have headaches, can't sleep, nausea after eating and some incontinence, night sweats, palpitations and no sex drive whatsoever.....still my bowels are slowly working again still a bit painful when going but at least it's getting back to normal...the drugs definitely stopped me working...my consultant did say i should try black coash but I've read some not good things about it v cancer....as it is like oestrogen...but I have to try something as I am suffering.... didn't think it would be this bad....
Worst of all I am crying a lot again , I guess now I have had the op it's hit me harder that I can't ever have a child now.....and I'm wishing I hadn't had my ovaries out... I am so sad a lot and very convinced that we won't find someone to carry a baby for us....we have 12 embryo's frozen but feel that the chances of us actually finding and affording a surrogate are almost nil...
I've got my 'cancer' 3 month check up appt for 3rd Feb 06 I will have these now for years to check the cancer doesn't return...but apart from this have rec'd no follow up care at all !! am dreading going back to work and can't face seeing babies, children and pregnant women, I'm finding life so hard to cope with at present...all we wanted was children we just want to have what other couples have a family...my hubby has been wonderful but is equally distressed about it all...
Sam
 

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Sam,

I don't know what to say other than i am so, so sorry to read your posts. What an awful, dreadful time you and your family are going through.

My heart goes out too you sweetheart.....

Loads of love and support

Donna xx xx xx
 

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Sam,

I am so sorry for all the bad things that have happened to you. This is no easy answer to help. Sometimes you wish you could just switch all the pain and hurt off just for a while, like a light switch, just so you can have sometime without all this going round and round in your head. I have never been in your position, my DH was diagnosed with non Hodgkin's lymphoma, had radio and chemo so different situation but my heart goes out to you. Please use use on here as people who understanding. Try to get your support and strength from us. It probably feels now that what is the point of looking forward, being positive and dreaming, because  it has brought you now is heartache but try to look forward. I know when i lost my baby when DH was going through cancer, that it seemed that you can not see forward because there is a brick wall in your way, there is no way round or under it so you have to go over it. Sometime you make it nearly to the top then something happens and you fall all the way but don't, but slowly and steadily you reach the top and glad you got there because of the wonderful and beautiful view on the other side. It comes in time. Well i am sorry to babble on. Sending lots of ^Cuddle^ to you and DH, Take care of yourself.

Jenny ^cow^
 

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Sam sweetheart,

Just wanted to send you and your DH a great big cyber  ^Cuddle^x


I am so sorry that you are having such a terrible time right now and pray that it gets a little easier for you.

Love

Amandax
 

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Sam,
I wish you peace of mind and strength to get through this.  I also hope that your hospital have offered you some counselling.  If not ask them for it. 
Unfortunatley I can't say anything particularly helpful.
I hope next year brings you some hope and peace and that your feelings of devastation are eased at least a little.
mads
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Hi Thanx for all ur kind words, physically Im doin ok my surgeon says my cancer is cinsiderd cured which is good just struggling coming to terms with the fact that I'll never be able to have our children, however I am in the process of joining SUK and have attended one GT which was FAB this at least gives me some hop which I do need to help me get thru all this.
Love
Sam
x
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Hi,
Thought it was time for an update from me....I am ok, still cancer free, still looking for a surrogate, back at work, life is ok, routine again, still have hope in my embies, although as the years pass the hope is harder to hang on to.  Good news in that I am now able to see my lil nephew (emotionally I wasn't able to for months after he was born) and love the time I spend with him, hope you're all well.
Love
Sam
x
 

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Hi Sam,
glad to hear you'r doing ok, your story is very sad and my heart goes out to you.
I wish you all the luck with finding someone to carry your babies for you, I'm sure the right person is out there somewhere.
Keep the faith hun, never give up hope,
take care,
luv sam (cool name huh!)xx
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Well I have absolutely FANTASTIC news !! The wonderful Kirsty, Tim & Abbey have offered to help Adrian and I have a surrogate baby !! I am in shock !! I am over the moon..... Will keep you updated.
Sam
xx
 

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Sam

That is totally flippi'n FABULOUS!!! ^clapping^ ^clapping^ ^clapping^

We will be totally rooting for you and Adrian!

Please do keep us posted!

WOW!!

Much love and  ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^

Amanda x
 

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Unbelievable news hun!!!!!!! Fantastic !!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D

So pleased for you and DH !!

Wish you both the best of luck darling, keep us posted and send huge hugs to Kirsty, Tim and Abbie for being wonderful people!

Stories like your give us all hope for the future ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^

lots of love sam xxxx
 

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Sam - I hae just read your story and have tears of joy on hearing your news. Please keepus all informed of your news. I wish you all the luck in the world - you really deserve it...

Lexi X
 

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Hi Sam

It's some years since you first posted your message about your cancer diagnosis, but I have only just read it this morning in July 2007. My eyes are filled with tears to hear that you have found a surrogate for your embies - that was a month or so ago, so I'm wondering where you are at now.

I came here because this week I had a hysteroscopy and lap and found I have a thickened womb lining, so thoughts of endometrial cancer are rife in my mind. I've been through cancer - breast cancer, have been facing fertility issues for a while, and now perhaps I am facing even worse.

What a terrible time you've been through. But I am overjoyed for you to hear your latest news. xxxxxxxx toes
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Hello toes,
Thankyou for your post, I do hope you are well, our surrogate is 15 weeks pregnant with Twins !! So there is indeed hope.
xx
 

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Have just read your story and my heart went out to you.  I was delighted to hear the news of your twin joy and hope that everything went as planned.  I hve suffered from irregular periods since day 1! m currently in alot of pain and bleed for most days of most months.  My doctor has been helpful and i am currently awaiting appointment for hysperoscpoy and lap.  Its the pain that agrivates the most, keeping me awake for days on end.  I work with children, i think about having children almost everyday.  But mostly i worry that i will never be a mum.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
hello toes and mickymackyuk

soz I dont get on here much now with twins LOL just wondered how you both are....
xx
 

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It never ceases to amaze me how complete strangers can find comfort, support and motivation from each other.  Your story filled me with tears of joy.  I am amazed at the generosity of others and how they are willing to help those in their most desparate times of need. 

Congrats on the babies and TWINS!  Wow, what a handful.  May they bring you years of joy.
 
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