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Hi i have just had my second icsi cycle and wasnt due to test until tomorrow, however af came in full flow on saturday and the clinic advised me to test on tuesday which as expected was negative.  I just cant believe it its like for the first time in 5 years we had a real hope and now its all gone.  My 1st cycle was abandoned as i didnt respond to the drugs.  Unfortuantly my Husband works away a lot and he has had to go this week so i am on my own, i can cope at work but when i get home i just feel like everything is empty
 

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You poor thing, its bad enough a cycle going pear shaped but without DHs being around its a living nightmare. Its the worst bit of ivf, you try not to let your hopes up but we always do no matter how hard we all try not to or however many times we cycle. 

Give yourself a bit of ranting wailing and moaning time.  It really is necessary.  A cosy duvet, loud tuneless singing and a bottle of wine is not a bad  solution at this point.  You have to grieve for what you have lost.  You had for a few days a baby to look after and all the hopes for the future which that brings.  Its a great big loss when that is taken away.  Take it easy on yourself and dh for a few weeks, you are in a very dark place at the moment and it hurts like hell.BUT it does get better.

There are positives ...

1.alcohol over Christmas - no awkward questions at the office party

2.you know you can make embryo's so you are half way there

3.your doctors know more about how your body responds - each cycle is a step nearer to your ultimate goal

I got a success after 4 cycles (3 ICSI), sometimes it just takes a few goes.  The one thing about IVF is that perseverance does pay off and ladies do get pregnant despite failing a cycle or two along the way.

Big hugs

Peestick
 
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