Welcome to all the new members to this section. Ohh wouldnt it be fab if we could meet up !
Cant believe where the time has gone ! The six weeks holiday has just flown. Alexandra has decided that she wants to stay in the infantc as when she starts the juniors she is going to have to work hard! arr bless.
My little girl has become really grown up over the last few months.... . Knows exactly what she will and wont wear!! Keeps pinching all my makeup as well!!!!
Nothing new happening with me. Going back to work in sept after being off on long term sickness. Anxious about going back, but it needs to be done.
Ohhh Im so desparate for another baby...cant explain how I feel really. But I know you will all understand. We have decided that once Im back into 'work mode' we will decide whats to happen next. Im going back 4 days a week (30 hours) so looking forward to that.
good to see you back Jeanette, and I agree it would be lovely for us all to meet up.
I was having a good day today, up early spring in my step and tanked through the housework..until I my sil called me to make the final arrangements for us having her son for a week, in a couple of weeks.
Had a lovely conversation with my darling nephew, he was 4 years in March, and he was babbling on about if he could bring this dvd that dvd and his paints, crayons, play doh, and books, toys etc. (think he's moving in permanently lol)
I got off the phone feeling all excited and wondered what I might have of Sam's that would be appropriate for him.
Looking around my (almost teenage) son's room, and deciding where to put my nephews things etc suddenly made me feel so empty!
I don't have an easel, and lego scattered around the room anymore. I don't have half finished paintings of leaves and hand prints. I don't have to tidy up little slippers and tiny pj's to snuggle up to Teddy's on his pillow, and it hit me so hard!
There is a desk, PS2, hi-fi, lynx, hair gel, hair spray and various clothes scattered around his "pit" (lol) and pictures of Gollum, Star Trek, & "PRIVATE KEEP OUT!" on his door!
Where's my "little boy" gone?.....when did he grow up?
Strange how it hits you isn't it......
Oh well...off to sort out my "little man's" room....and reclaim my trainer socks
hope you are all well
Am feeling a little low at min, my gorgeous dd will be 13 this friday.. Although I'm delighted I can't help wondering if she will be my only living child.
After ttc for 4 yrs with AJ then losing him & still no sign of pg 15 months later I keep thinking should I just give up & resign myself to having an only child.
I wish somehow the decision would be taken out of my hands & either get pg again or just be told, no more thats enough.. Do you think I'm being paranoid, mad or just need carting off to the nearest funny farm by the men in white coats??
Thanks for listening
Roz, I know what you mean about wishing decisions could be made for you, I'm finding it really hard at the moment deciding to even start my first treatment. I feel under so much pressure from Dh and Dd (even though she's only 3!) to have another baby - don't get me wrong, I DO want one...but..I feel really anxious about it and just not ready but feel will be letting everyone down if I delay. Now even my mum and dad keep asking me have I phoned the clinic yet - ARGHH! I think part of me still believes it will happen naturally and then I won't have to go through all this stuff, more appointments, hospitals, consultants, tests etc etc . Felt like crying in the car today when dd asked me if her baby was in my tummy yet and when I said no she said "it's not fair, everyone else has got a baby except me, I want my real baby now and will the nurse at the hospital give us our baby to keep when she's washed it...and...and...." and off she went chattering on about her 'real' baby that she's going to have and I feel like I'm the ONLY thing stopping her and Dh from having 'their' baby. Felt selfish and guilty and confused about what I want Oh no this is turning into a full-on therapy session That's good I suppose as afraid to bring up my feelings about all this with Dh as I don't want to worry him into thinking I don't want another baby, because I do but I'm not ready to go through with the treatment at the moment. Dh and I are normally so close and tell each other our worries but this seems so big that it's scary. I told him I'd phone the clinic when I'd lost a stone because I would be happier to do treatment if I'd lost weight but I know deep down that this is just a stalling tactic but not sure why. I felt ok before having this rant, what are you doing to me FF?! . I'm laughing but really feel quite low and tearful last couple of days as I kind of know that Dh knows I'm stalling as it's all going to blow up one of these days. I can feel the emotions simmering if you know what I mean! Neither of us has spoken about the treatment at all for a few weeks but I know it's on his mind and he's dying to ask me when i'm going to phone the clinic. Oh, I could go on all night...but I won't! Anyway all will look better in the morning, will stop waffling now, love to all Charli xx
Roz..you arent going mad, but I do hear what you are saying. Im not ready to give up yet...but I feel that the time is just flying by.
Chali..hope you are feeling better. I am overweight..but Im the same weight as I was when I got pg with my dd. I still feel that it will 'happen naturally'. Every month I bvuild myself up 'is this the month' just to find the nasty old witch makes an unwelcome appearance.
gayn..i hear what your saying about kids growing up!!!
Im off out today!! need to enjoy the sunshine today following the rain and thunder storms yesturday!!!!
hugs n kisses to you all
ps maybe we could arrange to meet in one of the chatrooms next week.....
Just wanted to pop in to say hello. I haven't been on for a while - am 19w but started bleeding at 12, v heavy and have been trying to stay as horizontal as pos for the past 7w. I hope it is all going to stay put, have 20w scan next week - they said the baby was ok at prev scans but couldn't say what was going to happen and if the bleeding would become v heavy again (still spotting a little).
I can understand what you are feeling Charli - we were exactly the same and put off treatment for quite a while. I kept thinking it will happen because it had before and I felt if I started tx that would be it, it would never happen naturally ever again - irrational, I know.... My son was also saying the same as your dd, all the time! My dh left all the planning etc to me. I think he was just feeling so guilty as it is MF. We had our first icsi in April - hopefully baby will be born in Jan 05.
Ros - hope your dd birthday goes well tomorrow and it isn't too upsetting for you. Sorry you are feeling low - are you in between tx at the moment? You def aren't mad, was feeling that for so long - that my ds might be an only child, esp when he was obsessed with having a sibling. Now he said he is praying every night that the baby is ok (goes to catholic sch), as we had to tell him about the problems, and feel he shouldn't be having to be so worried at his little age. I heard him saying the other day that 'we might have a baby soon...' Sorry, I'm rambling.
Jeanette - It is amazing how time flies - kids that make that happen me thinks, I can't believe that my child is going into year 1 (he wants to stay in reception!!!). I know he is still a baby, in fact think we do treat him a little babyishly (word) compared to his friends. Hope your next tx goes well, have you planned anything in yet?
Gayn - I was looking around at my home after reading your posts and thinking about what you said - toys everywhere. I'm always trying to tidy, but think you're right, it is for such a short period of time. I should make the most of having a 'kiddy' house. You'll surely find yours that way when your nephew is around - hope you have nice weather for your week together.
Spider, thanks for that. Sometimes feel like "if it aint broke , don't fix it" but I know its not as simple as that and poor dh would do anything to 'fix' his problem and go back to before the hernia. Anyway had long talk on tues with my dad (he's a GP and a good listener!) and then a big talk with Dh the next day and aired a few worries and fears about whole thing. I realise that I'm more worried about being pregnant again than anything else. Worried about ALL that can go wrong and what if anything happened to me what would my dd and dh do? etc ...etc... You know what its like, you start getting wildly irrational about everything and a teeny bit hysterical . Dh reasured me that our next appointment is only more blood tests and sperm tests etc so not going 'under the knife' as it were quite yet! Maybe I'll make the appointment next week Anyway, rambling again! Good place to do it though as 'others' do tend to get bored don't they!!
Jeanette, my little one is starting pre-school next week so also trying to get uniforms and clean shoes sorted! Hope she's ok, I know she's really nervous more little mite! I keep telling her it's only until 11 am and then we'll go home for lunch and mummy will come and get you...aw I'll just have to be tough!
Roz, hope your dd birthday went ok today, not too many tears from mum!
Yes my DD had a wonderful day, thank you for asking & yes I managed NO tears lol
She seem to have turned in to "Kevin" these past few wks though & both myself & DP are wishing for our "little Girl" back.. I can see myself still trying for another baby for the next few years, I am not giving up yet.. An old work colleague thought she was going through the change (she's 43 next month) and has just found out she's 5 months pg instead so I definately have a good few years left lol lol
Love to all
Hope you don't mind me jumping in as a newbie. I have been reading the whole 2nd Fert thread this afternoon and it made me cry. I can so relate to everyone's feelings. We are blessed with a 6 yr old son called George who was concieved through ICSI first time. We have had such a nightmare ever since we started trying for No 2. All my friends have 2 or 3 children and have no idea what we are going through. The insensitive remarks such as 'at least you have 1' make me feel like screaming. We had to hide the fact that we were doing ICSI yet again from my DH's parents as they would not approve. They cannot understand the desperate need and feel that we should not be wasting our money. Luckily, my mother is v. supportive, but it was so nice to discover this website. I do not feel so alone now.
I have just got a +ive result (4th ICSI) on Thursday and even though I am delighted, at the same time I am terrified of everything going wrong because that is what I have learnt to expect. At the moment I feel like we've just got over another huge hurdle and am just waiting for the first scan on 20th September! If all goes well then EDD will be 6th May 05! We have not told George this time, as he was so disappointed when I m/c'd. I cannot bear him to go through all that again.
I wish you all the best of luck. It is a long a hard journey and I think we should be given gold medals for what we have to endure!
Hi everyone - been on holiday for over 2 weeks, but good to be back on FF and catching up with you all.
Gayn - I so felt about what you said about the lego and stuff everywhere. It feels like our house is overwhelmed with Laura's stuff sometimes - but your post made me think I should moan and worry less and enjoy this messy time while it lasts.
Can't believe school starts again on Thursday! STILL haven't bought Laura's school tops!
Sorry I havent been around, not really got any excuses... Just wanted to pop in and say hi again to you all and keep hoping and praying - Have felt quite guilty about not posting on here, but didnt want to feel as though i was rubbing your noses in it... For those who didnt see, Sophie was born 7wks ago weighing 10lb 11oz nearly 3 years after we first started trying...
There is a ray of hope for everyone
PS Forgot to say to Fee & Jeanette - Leah starts school tomorrow
Hi Prentis, I know exactly what you mean about other people's reactions. We've also had plenty of "at least you have one" comments I don't really talk to anyone about it any more and only off-load on this site. It's such a relief to be able to rant and rave about your feelings on here and know that you're not going to be judged in any way, also to know that people on this site really do understand no matter what your personal circumstances surrounding infertility are. We're all here to help each other, good luck , love Charli
Just wanted to say Hi to everyone and ask how you are all doing. How have the first day's back at school been? My DD went for the first time yesterday although she has been going to nursery at the school.She went in fine but as I walked towards the school to collect her I heard howling - yes, it was mine!! She'd been screeching for an hour! She has a big issue with food and had freaked out at lunch - refused to sit with the other kids and didn't eat a thing - am hoping she'll settle down and want to try some thing once she gets bored of being left out.
Don't know about any of the rest of you but I'm having a dreadful time with her - I'm on my 2ww so am trying not to pick her up - she's been an absolute madam running away from the table, refusing to get in the bath, brush teeth..etc...aarrrgghh!! ..but I do love her sooo much...
Great to read someone on here has just had a BFP - all the best for the next 8/9 months Martina - will be thinking of you on the 20th.
Thanks for writing Claire - and congrats!! You must be thrilled - 10lb 11oz? She sounds like a very healthy little bundle! Enjoy!
All the best to everyone I've forgotten to mention..hope you're day's as sunny as mine - out to the garden for a hour of peace now..sigh!
Just wanted to add - a sad, sad note..nobody prepared me
( when struggling to have my little girl) for how I would feel seeing horrible things happen to kids...have been in a right state after seeing those horrible images on the news last night - couldn't stop crying..and thinking of those poor families..made me hug my ( very naughty! ) DD even closer....what an incredible thing it is to be a parent, I really hope and pray that all those on this site still struggling to get number 1 someday hold their babies in their arms..so grateful to have my little one..
Hi RSMUM, how far in to the 2ww are you? Wishing you lots of . I know what you mean about the hostage crisis. I also sat there crying and had to change channels. George as having a sleepover at friend's house and I wanted to call him and check he was okay. Common sense prevailed as it was quite late!!
I'm really crap today as jeans to tight when top button is done up!!! Tummy hangs over and I feel like a lump of lard. I'm only 5 wks! You are meant to be like this at 12 wks. Gave up jogging after et which does not help. Still, it will be all worth it - fingers crossed!! Feeling v. tired and have no energy. DH working today, so on my own with DS. Meant to go cycling but have not got energy. DS watching Tom & Jerry videos - feeling guilty - bad mother syndrome!
I test on Sept 15th - congrats on being 5 weeks - best of luck for the next 8 months. I remember last year when I got pregnant again I ballooned immediately - it WAS pretty scary as I wondered what I'd be like in months to come (but I do think the litre of milk I had to drink every day and the fact that straight away I started eating tons of protein and stuff had something to do with it) .
As you say though it will all be worth it in the end - you sound pretty fit so you'll lose it easily - I am a lazy so-and-so and was just managing to begin to shift it (2 and a half years )after my DD when I started IVF4 and bloated out again - ah well..
Take care and go out and treat yourself to some bigger jeans