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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi girls,

I was so hoping that none of us would have to be chatting here but sadly many of us have not had our dream become a reality this time.  :'(
Hopefully with some familiar faces on here we can support each other through until our next cycles and beyond. I'm feeling a little lost, lonely, and like I'm just getting on with it, almost like I'm looking in on myself. Many people think that because you are no longer physically having treatment that you're ok, when emotionally you're not and really your falling to pieces inside.
As we have all found out from the wonderful threads on here that chatting helps, so let's keep chatting and supporting one another.  :)

Together we will get through this and our dream WILL become reality!

Ktcuddles
^hugme^
 

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Hi Ktcuddles,

Sorry to hear your treatment has come to an end without a positive result.

I wasn't a snowdrop so hope you don't mind me joining you on this thread.

We have just finished our first IVF cycle which sadly ended BFN. I too am feeling quite lonely and lost. I have been very tearful and feeling down since my AF arrived early last Sunday. DH has been supportive but I think he is starting to struggle to cope with my mood swings and irrational busting into tears over the slightest little thing. I feel like I just want to shut myself away and hibernate until it's time for us to try our FET cycle. I'm feeling very anti-social and am dreading going into work this afternoon.

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling crap too and you are right when you say chatting helps. It is good to be able to talk to people who know exactly what you are going through.

:) Lynn
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hi lindylou1,

Of course you are very welcome! I was reading through posts etc and found so many people seemed to disappear once they have a negative cycle and that worried me as we all really need support, even if it is just to let our emotions out!  ^hugme^

I'm so sorry you're feeling This way too Hun  ^hugme^ don't feel bad about feeling so sad, your dh is probably finding your emotions hard to cope with because he feels there is nothing he can do, and I'm sure he wishes he could make it all better. You need to do what you feel is best for you and you're dh, and if that means shutting yourself away for a few weeks then that's what you should do, that's exactly what we have done and we only do what we have to, I've even given up cooking properly and cleaning (very unlike me!  ;D) we are only just starting to put social things in our diary and it's been a month now. I'm sure it will all come back, but for now I just don't feel like being "normal"

Keep chatting sweetie  ^hugme^

Ktcuddles
^hugme^
 

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Ktcuddles,

It's so good to speak to someone who knows what you are going through.

I am totally with you on the cooking/cleaning thing. We have eaten takeaways/eaten out all weekend and I have done minimal cleaning all week. I am usually OCD about cleaning!  :-[  Have been feeling a bit guilty about all of that and also my lack of execise as I am a bit of a fit freak usually. I just feel like I have let everything slide. I need to give myself a good shake and get back to normal  ;D.

I hope we both start to feel better soon.  ^hugme^

 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks Hun, so do I!!!!!

Ps I've tried the shaking thing just makes me eat chocolate!!!  ;D
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Just wanted to say that everyone is welcome here!  ^hugme^ (it's not exclusive to snowdrops)

Keep chatting ladies!!!
Ktcuddles
^hugme^
 

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I don't need to do the shaky thing to eat chocolate. I should really have taken out shares in Cadbury the amount of dairy milk and giant buttons I get through!  ;D

Hope you have a good day today  ^hugme^. I am about to head off to work. Hopefully someone will have brought in cakes, there are usually cakes on the go!

xxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Ther you go Hun.... Cakes! ... There is an upside to going to work!  ;D

Have good day!
^hugme^
 

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Hi ladies

Ktcuddles + lindylou1 - just wanted to give you both a big  ^hugme^  as i feel your pain  :'(

lisa n xx
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Hi Lisa n,

Extra big  ^hugme^ to you hunny, we are always here for support, no holes barred & whatever you're feeling  :'(

Ktcuddles
^hugme^
 

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Hey ladies, I found you KT!!! ;D ;D

I am totally with you on how you feel, bit about me, I have endometreosis and had my first cycle of icsi, throughout the stimming etc, everything went well they were pleased with every appt, I had between 7-8 follies and had ec last monday, sadly I only got one egg, which even more sadly didnt fert, they said it was mature, sperm was fine, injected well but just didnt fert, tbh I cant remember a lot about the call ^eyes^ ^eyes^ :'( :'( :'( , I have my follow up on the 11th April unless I can get a cancellation. I have so many questions I want to ask them, especially the worry about my endo getting worse before my next cycle, I have already sent the form in for the 2nd NHS attempt. I have also made an appointment for a open evening in a private clinic.

At the moment I just feel empty, I feel cheated that I didnt get to go any further, this happening never occured to us :( :( , I am dreading AF arriving, goodness knows when that will be. I went back to work today, which was ok, but felt like I was walking around in a daze, I am also struggling with missing my mam who passed away 8 yrs ago, I know my dad is fab, but its not the same as my mam.  I just hope they can change something next time for me to hopefully produce more eggs, my amh was 9.1 and they said that was fine, I am just so confused, empty, upset, angry, tired, tearful, but then in another was grateful for what I do have, does that make sense??????

Sorry for a depressing post but had to get that off my chest. :-[ :-[ :-[ .

Lets hope this thread can be the start of beautiful friendships!!!

xxxxx
 

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Hi girls, thanks for inviting me KT :)
I've been keeping up to date on the Snowdrops hall of fame and praying that some BFPs up the statistics but it doesn't take away the feeling of emptiness I have from the results of my first cycle :(

But, it's been 4 weeks for me now (my ET was canceled as the embies didn't make it) and i'm feeling a lot more positive. Still angry/frustrated with the clinic for their lack of answers/information/recommendations but I guess it's normal to feel that way.. and i'm still demanding more follow up meetings. I'm sure my doc thinks i'm a pain in the ass!

The great news for me is that my sister who was also on her first round of IVF (2 days behind me!) did get a BFP so i'm reassured to know that it can and does work.. it just needs a bit of luck, positive attitude and a sprinkling of fairy dust.

Would love to stay on and support/help where i can.. I'm definitely no expert but i'll be getting back into a new cycle hopefully in April so would love to keep in touch. It's been a massive help having this message board to read and add to.

Sending you all a lot of  ^reiki^ ^reiki^ and look forward to us all getting some good news at some point.

Binkyboo, so sorry to hear your news  ^hugme^.
KT, Lisa & Lindylou  ^hugme^ to you too.

WB xxxx
ps All i've done for two weeks is eat out.. definitely felt like i deserved a few treats :)
 

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Hi Kt cuddles, thanks for the invite  :)

Am feeling much the same as you girls, a little lost and unsure of what to do next  :( :( .  Am waiting to hear when follow up appointment is and we have lots of questions to ask, I'm in 2 minds whether to go again, but DP thinks if they can give us some answers we should have another go, as 1st cycle, although we only had 4 eggs and 2 fertilised they where high grade, so bit bemused why we had no fertilisation this time, although my AMH is only 3, so maybe my eggs are just too old  :-\

I went back to work at the weekend, so thats keeping me distracted, and Af has arrived, which not so good  ;D .
I'm with you girls on losing PMA, and chocolate can't get enough of it, which is not good when your supposed to be on a health kick  ^idiot^

Mel x
 

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Hi girlies!

Glad you found somewhere to all stay in touch, hugs to you all  ^hugme^ ^hugme^

Think i'll be joining you on Wed, been bleeding since Saturday so not really holding out much hope for OTD :(

xxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Binkyboo, winterberg, and mell39 ! Glad you've found us!  ^hugme^

Binkyboo- Your post wasn't depressing Hun, I'm sure you have only said what a lot of girls are feeling right now, including me! The feelings you are having are normal, I can only describe it as grief really, go with it Hun, don't put yourself under any more pressure than you already feel.  ^hugme^
We are very much in the same boat as you, all was going great 10 follies to begin with all grew at different rates, in the end we only had 2 follies so only 2 eggs. They said the same thing to us that the eggs were mature and sperm was good but still they did not fertilise.  :'( we were told at our follow up appointment that they thought the first 2 weeks of DR were too much for all my follies to grow ( i think they maybe as layed back as i am  ;D ) so we will be doing the short protocol next time, which means you don't have the first 2weeks of DR. That's a bonus I suppose as I won't have so many injections to do! 

Winterberg-  ^hugme^  we must have been at about the same time, it's been a month for me too and I'm still feeling this way, although today has been something that slightly resembles normal!
Great news about your Sister, that gives us all hope  ^hugme^
Hope you get all your answers soon Hun, keep us posted!

Mell39-  ^hugme^ give yourself time sweetie, I'm sure once you have all those questions answered you will find the energy to have another go, as I was told, the first cycle is a test to see how your body responds, so they will have a better idea of what to do next time.  ^reiki^ for your bad af Hun

Doddyclaire- we've all still got our fingers crossed for you hunny!  ^pray^ for you too  ^reiki^  ^hugme^

Sending you all huge  ^hugme^ and hope that you find the support from us lot! Like binkyboo says...
Hopefully the start of some beautiful friendships!  ^hugme^

Keep chatting girls!

Ktcuddles
^hugme^




 

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Hey, we are growing!!!!! Hope everyone is ok tonight, I have been for an aromatherapy massage tonight and feel so chilled ATM!! Cinema and meal when the girls
Tomorrow!! xxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Binkyboo- sounds lovely! Jealous much! Enjoy the cinema, what are you going to see?
 

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Don't know yet, see what chick flick we can find!!! xx
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Lovely, sounds like just what you need! Dh and I have got a dance lesson tomorrow, I know it sounds 'old' but we enjoy it, we have to concentrate soooo hard on the steps that we forget all our troubles for an hour  ;D and it gives us a bit of exercise, especially the stomach muscles from all the laughing  ^roflmao^ about how rubbish we are!
 

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Sounds fab! Have fun xx
 
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