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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi girls

I have spoken to someone at work today who adopted a little girl about 2 years ago after having 1 go at IVF. She found the treatment so traumatic that after one attempt they went straight to adoption.

She told me about her course and the visits the social workers had to make to their home on numerous occasions. She also had to do a story book, a bit like her and her dh's history and details of their life. Anyway she told me that it took her 18 months all told. However the longest thing was waiting to get placed. As soon as they matched her and her dh with Amelia, it as only 1 more week before she moved in with them. They had had a number of pre-meetings with her and her foster carer before the match was finalised. I can't believe how quick it all was.

I am chasing up the social services team tomorrow to double check we are booked in for January. I am so looking forward to next Christmas (I have everything crossed things will be in place by then).

Deb - sorry to hear your result, but it would be great if you could join me. Justine - that book hasn't arrived yet but I have been promised it for this week.

Love
Karen x
 

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hi karen/girls,
its good that you know someone who has been through the adoption procedure.i`m sure you will have loads of questions to ask!
it does sound very quick!
we go to our meeting in january too.
my only concern is how our,not so little boy(8 on xmas eve)will react when we finally tell him that we want to adopt!?he is always asking for a baby brother or sister.
that is my main worry!
let me know if the book is any good?
::)
have a great xmas ;)
all the best

love justine
 

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Hi Karen and Justine

I am just so excited for both of you, it must be such a wonderful feeling knowing you will be a Mummy and Daddy to someone who doesnt have one. I wonder who they will be???!!!!!!!!
I will definatly do the same if IVF doesnt work for me, but i feel I have to have a good go at IVF first to cover all avenues.
Justine Im sure your little boy will like the idea of a new brother or sister. Children can sometimes be very suprising, especialy if I knows it will be someone to play with his toys with! ;D

This time next year girls....... i wonder who will be opening there presents from their new Mummy and Daddy????? ;D ;D

Lots of luck

Lou xxx :-*
 

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Hi everyone,
we to are going to try and adopt, I have posted on this adopted site before so i am sorry if I repeat myself.
I also have a son who will be eight on the 23rd December, We have told him a little bit about what is happening but it is hard as we are unsure how long the process will take.
We have attended all our group meetings now and are waiting to be allocated a Social Worker who will do our home visits.
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that we have decided to go with adoption rather than icsi ( no more needles hooray! ).
The meetings were really interesting but were more catered for fostering rather than adoption.
The majority of people who wanted to adopt had been through fertility treatment so we all had something in common.
It would be great if we could keep in touch and all help each other through the process, I know I shouldn't but I keep thinking how different next Christmas may be.
Anyway good luck to everyone
Tracey

I use Lydia as it is my lucky charm, it was my nana's name.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hi everyone

Firstly Happy New Year!!.

Well my secret is out. All of our friends now know. I was asked on New Years Eve when it was going to be my turn, whilst I was sat with one of my firends who knows and her 2 month old little boy. A shook, the bottom lip trembled and then I calmly said "Rich and I can't have children, but next year we are adopting two". I was so glad to see the back of 2002 and we all raised our glasses at midnight to 2003 and all that it will bring. I am so glad that my friend was there as she helped me keep it all together.

At the party, there were another couple who are about to adopt a little girl. They have two boys, but they have told her that it would be dangerous for her to conceive again. They started to put the feelers out in July last year. They got security clearance by October and were asked to go on a course in October too. Unfortunately they were on holiday when the letter came so they couldn't make the session. They are doing their course in January and have already had all the visits done. Their Social Worker says that it will be 6 weeks at the earliest following their course, but that it won't be any later than July, so a year all told. She did say to me that when they first started they were shown a photo list of all the children available. She said she was staggered to see how many there actually were.

Well my book hasn't arrived, but I did get chance before I broke up for Xmas to talk to a girl at work who has ben through adoption and I spoke to another girl whose dh is a Social Worker and I have got some literature. To be honest I was going to look at it over Xmas, but I have mde the most of what could potentially be our last Xmas as just a couple.

Bring on 2003. Only 18 more days until my first meeting.

Good luck everyone
Love
Karen x
 

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Hi Karen

You sound so positive and happy!

You like a lot of us will be glad to see the back of 2002, this is going to be your year and our year!

Good luck for your first "session", not long now!!!!

It's so exciting!

Love Sue
xxxxxxxxx
 

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Karen,

You're so brave - I just wept at your post just then. People just don't realise what they are asking sometimes.

It sounds to me though that you are extremely positive and you will be great adoptive parents!

I'm with you on booting out 2002 - the only thing is I've had such high expectations for 2003 that it's scaring me now!

Take care,

Lots of Love,

Sue :-* :-*
 

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Karen,

It was so good to read your post - it put a tear in my eye, but a happy one, you will make the most wonderful of parents and i cant wait for the day that you say you have your daughter/son 's.

Have a very happy new year Karen and Dh

Lots love

Mel

x x

 

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Karen

Your post choked me too. You have been really positive and brave about all this. You will make a wonderful mother and i know we shouldnt wish our lives away but i hope the time speeds by for you.
I will look forward to reading your posts when you and Rich are mummy and daddy.

A very Happy New Year to you both.

Love Kim :-* :-*
 

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Hi all, im going down the same path as you all.
Mines another long story, prob like every body elses. We have done the vasectomy reversals, the ivf, the iui. We got pregnant from first ivf but sadly lost our son at 22 wks.
We decided to try adoption over 2 yrs ago, but its so slow, it was 12 months before we saw a social worker.
We are hopefully going to panel in march, but there always seems to be something to slow it down.
We just hope we dont have to spend another xmas on our own also.
gd luck to you all. IF you want to ask any questions bout the process, feel free.
Bev
x
 

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Hi everyone

Happy New Year to all!

I am thrilled you are all very positive about adoption and wish you all the best for 2003.

Sorry it's taking a long time for you & dh, Bev. Such a shame because the children waiting for adoption are getting older too, without a loving Mum & Dad in their lives.

I was just wondering, we haven't ever considered adoption but it might be a route we choose one day, if our IF tx doesn't work out.

Can anyone tell me are there age limits generally to adoption and can you adopt when one partner already has children?

Any advice would be appreciated!

Thanks & lotos of love

Vicky
 

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Vikcy,
My hubby has children from his first marriage and its not been a problem. They do go and see the ex and the kids though, but luckily for us it all went ok.
Do you mean your age or age of kids?
Bev
x
 

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Hiya Bev

Scarey thought Social Services going to see dh's ex! Anything to co-operate with us is usually avoided!

But that's another story!

DH kids are 14 & 16 and lovely so that wouldn't be a problem!

Actually I was thinking about dh age - he is nearly 43, I am 33. Hopefully we've got another couple of years trying ICSI but if that doesn't work, he could be in late 40's before we got to the adoption process.

I thought I heard somewhere you could not adopt beyond a certain age.

Any thoughts?

Love Vicky

 

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Vicky,
some areas have different ideas on ages of adoptors. Our social worker said usually mid 40's, but again i think it depends on the age you want to adopt.
My hubbys kids are nearly 13 and nearly 16. 13 yr old daughter came to live with us last yr which caused loads of probs with ex. This put our adoption on hold, then she decided to go back home and put it on hold again.
Ours has been drawn out with that, but hopefully coming to and end now, hopefully going to panel in March.
Depends how long it takes to find the right match then, but we hoping it will be this year - fingers crossed.

When you plan to try icsi?
Bev
x
 

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Thanks for your advice Bev.

I suspect dh might be considered too old for adopting younger children.

We have already had one icsi cycle, which was cancelled due to OHSS, & subsequent FET was not successful.

We are going to try FET no. 2 in Feb/Mar.

If that doesn't work, I think we will have one more attempt at icsi.

I really hope everything goes well for you this year. It is very hard when one partner has children already and the other doesn't.

Good luck & keep in touch with your progress..

Love

Vicky



 

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Vicky,
Its not easy is it the ivf roller coaster. To be honest the adoption one can be just as bad, just hope both you and i get something out of it!
I did find it difficult at first that dh had kids already and felt he probably didnt want them as much as me, but i now know thats wrong. I can tell, when we go out, how he looks at kids. Think cos we lost Jack it kind of hit home to him.
DOnt think your hubby would be to old, you can only try. If you decide to go for adoption, they tell you all the pros and cons. You can say you want older children cos you could get a sibling group. I said i wasnt bothered about a baby, toddler would be better, but i would be pretty pleased if we got a baby.
Good luck with yr FET.
Bev
x
 

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Hi Girls
Hope you don't mind me butting in here! Garry and I are both 39, have been together for 5 years. 8 failed IVF attempts, so adoption is something we have discussed. I am being totally ignorant here so pls. excuse me - where do you begin, who do you call? Is it the local social services or? ^stupid^
I haven't discussed this with anybody and don't know anybody who has gone through this so would GREATLY appreciate any info.
I wish you every success and know that you'll be brilliant parents just from reading your stories.
Take care and good luck.
Love Bev H
p.s. was the book any good?
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Bev

Hope you had a good time in Aus. How long is it before Garry comes home?

I rang my local council Social Services department. What they do is invite you for an open evening to talk through the process. Mine is 20th Jan. You then sign up to say that you are interested in following the adoption route. You then get assigned a social worker and get your security clearance and home visit checks done. There is also a course that you have to do. Then you have to go to panel to be approved and then they start to look for a placement for you (that's how I understand it anyway - I think I have got it in the right order).

I have been told that if I sign up in January we should get to panel for about the end of May beginning of June and that it could then take anything from 6 weeks to 6 months to find a placement. it just depends on the age of the child and the conditions surrounding the adoption order e.g. could be longer if they are subject to a care order etc etc.

The book sadly still hasn't arrived, Amazon are having trouble ordering it, but they have said they should have it by the end of the month. In the meantime, I have got some course literature from a girl I work with who has adopted. I only got it today though so haven't had chance to read it yet.

The other issue for me is that I live on a county border. So geographically I am in one county but postal address wise, I am in another. What my social service department said is that I can only register to do the course with one council, but that on completion and approval, that they all have access to children in neighbouring authorities.

A good website to look at is http://www.baaf.org.uk//[url]. The...ith whatever you decide to do. Love Karen x
 

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Dear Karen
Thank you for your very helpful reply. I will certainly call the Social Services and see when and if they have an open-evening. Garry comes home on Feb 27th for 6 days! Then he goes back to The Falklands until May 12th. So at least if we find out when the meeting is we can perhaps go along and sign-up?? How are you feeling about it all, it must be exciting and scary at the same time! I hope all goes well for you both on 20th Jan. Will look forward to hearing all about it.
Lots of love and good wishes Bev H xx :)
 

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hi karen,
just got back from a skiing holiday in bulgaria!it was great just what the doctor ordered!!!
got my invitation to adoption evening,its on this wednesday 15th!
very nervous.
hope you r well?let u know what happens on wednesday night.
bye
justine xxx
 
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