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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi girls

Can I join you please?
This is the first time Ive posted on this section because I turned 40 last week.
My TX history is detailed below.

The thing is Im wondering if anyone else is feeling like me or have done in the past?
I have a total of 8 frosties stored (4 blasts at the UCH London and 4 days twos at St Barts) and my consultant has recommended an FET next time. Im good to go from my next AF.

The problem is that Im really not thinking about trying for a baby at the moment. Im concerned that I have already started to give up. I know that I will use these frosties up but I feel like Im just going through the motions. On the one hand I don’t want to rush into using them and fancy having a break for a couple more months but on the other hand I just want to get it out of the way so that I can get on with the rest of my life. Im really anxious to start living again and I wonder if its turning 40 that’s done this to me. (Life begins and all that) It’s almost as though Ive hit a new phase in my life, I tried to get pregnant in the last phase and it didn’t work, so Im thinking  ‘Lets start the next phase as soon as possible!’

I don’t want to post yet on the ‘Moving On’ thread because I havent decided whether I really want to yet. I just want to know whether this is a common feeling and whether I will get over it?  Am I having a mid life crisis?!

We always thought we would have 3 fresh cycles of IVF and then move on. Am I just protecting my feelings from getting hurt if the third one doesn’t work. Am I trying to take back control just by giving up before I really have to?

Jen xx
 

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Hi Jen

Not sure if this will be much of a consolation to you but I have a similar mixed bag of feelings.  I think it's self preservation/defense mechanisms kicking in.  And I too often feel very confused with them all.

Part of me desperately wants to be a Mommy.  And part of me is preparing myself for the worst.  Part of me feels very angry and cheated.  Part of me feels trapped.  Part of me just wants to run away.  Part of me 'survives' by distracting myself with other things.  Then these things are real fun and I think oooh maybe I should just put it off a bit longer.....

What I do know is that this fertility thing is really really really hard and no two people are in exactly the same circumstances or will react in exactly the same way. 

I spose that we are all on life's journey and have to heed it's lessons in our own way.  I sometimes find comfort in believing in fate and that what is meant to be will be and that, ultimately, everything always works out for the best in the end even though we may not be able to see it or it may not seem that way at certain times.  I'm sure in a few years when this all is resolved one way or another for us and we have come to terms with the result we will look back and understand. 

In the meantime, be kind to yourself!  ^hugme^

Hope that's a help.

Luv
Grizzley Grizzy

 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for your message Grizzley (love the name!)

I think you are right, I am all over the place in my feelings and there is a certain amount of self preservation involved here. Im putting off the hurt by not chancing it and forcing myself to enjoy all the things Ive been denying myself.

Mind you I went to lunch today with a friend and her 5 1/2 month old baby and felt no broodiness at all? Not really sure whats wrong with me.

And I also agree with you about fate. What will be will be. But am I meddling with fate now by sticking my heels in?

I will probably go through the motions, have one more cycle and use up any frosties and that will be it. I suppose in that respect its good to know where Im going to draw the line in advance.

Thanks for you reply its really appreciated as I was beginning to think I was a wicked witch and not deserving of a baby.

Jen x
 
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