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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello ladies  :)


Im starting this thread for primarily for ex poor responders plus de failures who would like somewhere to post to chat about everyday life, either thinking of maybe going through more treatment or having a break.


I feel at the moment like i need some support and am hoping that this is where i can both get and give support where needed. I really dont know which way to turn  :(  Im 44 now and have been ttc for 6 years, 2 failed own egg cycles, 1 fresh donor failed and 1 donor fet failure. Not sure now what i even want anymore ??? ??? ???  Am booked for a hysto in march and have fresh donor cycle booked for august but to be honest im not sure i want to go through with any more treatment, BUT i still want a child, well sometimes i do, and sometimes i think oh god i cant take anymore of this.


I just need some laughter in my life, i need to find myself again, lose 3 stone, feel like i am happy inside  :-\  I want to look at my wonderful husband and fancy him like i used to, instead of just thinking i have failed him, instead of feeling guilty that i cannot give him a child, or feeling guilty in case he thinks i only wanted him to have a child.


So this is it, the survivors thread  ::)  Here for help support and laughter for all poor responders who have decided no more tx/not sure about having any more tx, p1 ssed off with world tx


Hope to see some old and maybe new faces
 

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*stumbles into the room and falls on the floor, face down, whimpering with gratitude*  Damn, I need this.  ggg

Shortie, my heart, I recognise so many of the feelings you're stating there.  I want to be happy to be me again!  And sometimes I am, and that's good and right and lovely.  And sometimes it just drifts away and I can't quite get there. 

Sometimes I think about adoption and get excited, sometimes I think about it and think, "oh my GOD, who are you kidding?  How could you possibly go through that or be a good parent?????"

And this is a completely bad time to think about these big things for me - I'm struggling with my second cold crud thing in a month, I havent' slept well for at least trhee weeks, the corners of my mouth keep splitting, I can't stop coughing, I've broken out in spots, the rest of my skin is so dry it's flaking, my hip hurts all the time from the crash, my bronchi hurt, I keep going into work and then coming home early because I feel so bad, with occasional crying in the toilet interludes, which has ended up with my going into work EARLY so I can get enough done to go home because I feel ill.... 

^idiot^  ^idiot^  :eek:    ^idiot^  ^idiot^


And I am WHINING TOO MUCH!!!  ;)


::)  ::)  ::)

Especially considering there's folks with much worse stuff they're dealing with without whining (like your knees, lovely - how are they doing?).

Anyway.  ;D  Good idea for a thread.  :-*  ^hugme^
 

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PS  I am not ALWAYS whiny, and I think this thread can be a really supportive and happy place to be, too.  :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Woooo hoooooo me too  ;D ;D ;D


I NEED this thread at the mo  :-[  i have isolated myself sooooo much its not good for me  ;D  I keep feeling panicky especially when im eating (perhaps due to the 3 stone excess weight im carrying)  ::)


You are not whining anyway  ;D  well perhaps a little but so am i  ;D ;D  Perhaps we should rename it poor responders survivors whining thread  ;D ;D ;D


Righto then try some vaseline for the corners of mouth ((((ouch))))) toothpaste on the spots before you go to bed  :eek: :eek:  does actually work  ;)  covonia for the cough, ermmmmmm crikey ur in a worse state than me  ;D ;D  Heatpacks for the hip, chocolate for the crying interludes ::)  and work....welllllllll it'll still be there tomora  :p 


Welcome to the madhouse  :-* :-* :-*


Knees actually not tooooo bad today (touch wood)  ;D

 

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You're such a lovely person, you know that? :)

Waiting for teleconference, then I'm off to the GP on advice of NHS Direct.  *eyeroll*  Then bed.  Maybe.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Hope the gp comes up trumps  ;)  Have a wonderful snooze and hope you feel better soon sweetheart  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^


Have just made a very brave call to fostering department of our local borough, spoke to a lovely lady who asked me loads of questions  ;D ;D  she is sending info pack out for us today, and if we want to go ahead they will make an appointment and someone will come out and see us to talk further. Really think this is the way forward for us, just hope they think the same  ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^
 

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Woooooo hooooooo!!!! Shorts, love ya darling! This is just the ticket for me too. I've been feeling lost in the big old world (3D and FF)  of late and I think I've just found home again.


I've been feeling so useless of late, failure at baby making, failure at dieting, failure at my studies, failure with my friends, lonely.... you know how it goes. That said, it's not always like that and today I'm feeling chirpy as a button, even more so now this thread has begun, I just want to feel like me again, and also that I'm not a freak (well perhaps I'll always be a freak - you can't have it all hey?! hehe)


Shorts - I think this probably puts you in guardian angel territory! Thank you honey, you read my mind (and probably my heart). My feelings echo your words so much. If nothing else I'm just glad I'm not alone. I keep singing Gloria Gaynor in my head "I will survive" la la laaaaaa! Glad your knees are giving you a break today, especially since you've had a day off too. I've been thinking about our convo about coming up to see you girlies and I think we should get something sorted soon, how are you fixed?


AoC - I so hear you about wondering who I'm kidding about being a mum. Hmmm... those symptoms? With my Chinese med head on I think those symptoms "could" be due to blood deficiency, it's quite common in women. Heavy periods throughout your life? Up the red meat and iron and drink TONS, and I mean TONS of water. I shouldn't really say stuff like that, a proper diagnosis is always recommended but I son't think that's gonna do you any harm. Poor digestive function can be a contributor too, don't you have IBS or similar? Anyway, feel free to ignore me as I know it's not for everyone but all that aside I'm SO HAPPY to see you here!


For me today has been a good day I've done tons of stuff round the house, been rather obsessive with being "thrifty" with Sunday roast leftovers and actually felt useful for a change. I even got a client for my new ickle business I've started and earned a whole £25! (Rome wasn't built in a day, hey?) DH is off to Moscow again next week so I'm on my tod again but he's promised next week is the last full week and it'll just be 2-3 days a week from then on. Stupid Moscow, stealing my husband! The cheek of it...


I wonder who else is going to come through the door...
Much love
LadyV xxx


 

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Oh Shorts, that's so fab.... congrats! Might be worth dropping a line to Leola, I'm pretty sure she fosters and she could probably give you some inside info. I bet you feel warm and fluffy inside. Why wouldn't they think you're right? You have a wonderful home, a stable and loving family and a blooming gorgeous dog. What else would they want?! 


xxx
 

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Hello ladies,
May I join in? I feel kind of 'homeless' at the moment, as not actively being treated but not entirely given up either.
Will never know if I would have been a poor responder, but judging by the amount of failed IUIs with DS I think I must have steel-coated eggs! Oh, 1 fresh & 1 frozen DE cycle failed too. Never tried OE IVF, but too old now - hospital decided that as hormones/HSG were satisfactory didn't need it, when it got to that stage in their wisdom they would only do single emby transfer.
Having an enforced break from treatment due to orthopaedic surgery, foot op last summer that went wong, & may have to be re done, going in for knee op next week...trying to lose weight with slimming world for when I get back on the rollercoaster x
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
LV im hoping a few more will join us hunny  ;) 


Think i'll have to join you on th failures too  :-[  tho i have started a brand new diet today AND have been really good (so far)  ;D ;D  Definately up for a trip up north too  ;)  weekend probably best for me tho, havent mentioned anything to scottie as he doesnt know that he wont be coming with me  ;D ;D ;D  Im free most weekends too  ::)  Well done on the housework, i have managed to clean kitchen today but i really want to get on with doing the decorating, all the paint is waiting patiently for me in the garage ::)  Woooo hoooooo well done on the little business, hey its a start aint it!!!! i know theres a saying somewhere about little acorns and stuff growing but cant remember it.  ;D ;D


Welcome seemslike4eva, what knee op you going in for? Not that im a nosey beatch or anything  ;D ;D ;D  Must admit my break is not enforced and may be a forever break  ;D ;D
 

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Thanks for your PM Shorts...I'll be back shortly x x
 

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Oooooooh, good call, Shortie!  WTG!  I'm proud of ya for making that call.  :)

Lovely to see you, too, LV.  And you're only saying what I've been thinking - thanks for the loving equivalent of a slap upside the head!  I ran out of my nice digestion-friendly iron supplements (the water based ones) and didn't want to splash the cash to get more.  I fluffed up and didn't baby myself through a/f, which is always a mistake, I always come up on the anaemic side of normal, splitting mouth corners can be a sign of iron deficiency..... and yeah, IBS symptoms and wheat intolerance.  *beats head on desk*  I do, really, know better than this about looking after myself.  And because I've been feeling cruddy I've basically stopped drinking (this only makes sense if you're me....)  Now trying to address all of that.

GP confirms I have a chest infection and has given anti-bs.

Can you go with DH to Moscow sometime?  After reading A Simples Life, just for laughs?  ggg  Hugs to you, lovely.  I so hate the 'failure' word, but I beat myself up with it everyday.  You're in good company.  :)  And yay for the client!!!

Welcome 4Eva.  :)  Hugs for you, sweets.  I remember being told for years that 'there's no reason you shouldn't conceive naturally'.... wish they'd gone straight ahead and started treating me back then!  Ouch for the surgery!  I'm waiting on an endo op at some point.

Right, I'm cold, so I'm going to have a shower and then make chicken pie. I don't WANT to cook, but I have a fridge full of leftovers, too!
 

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Shorts, thank you for your PM..great thread and I'll definately be joining in x
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Beachy lovely to see you hunny, hope you become a member  ;)  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^


AOFC you poor ickle thing. Glad dr has given you anti-b's, cant he prescribe you the nice water based iron supplements tho  ???  Want me to have a ahemmmm word with him/her i find a poke in the eye often works  ;D ;D  Ooooooo chicken pie :p  i've just shoved a beef casserole in the oven, and put some tatas on for mash. God im starving  ::)
 

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AoC - ah, if only it wasn't so boring to look after ourselves all the time when all we really want is cake! Other tips you may or may not not have heard that will hopefully help you is not to eat or drink anything cold (as in ice cold out of the fridge/ freezer) unless it's hot outside. So room temperature water etc, this really helps your digestion and whilst you're trying to get back into the norm zone eat things that are easy for your body to digest as they have been cooked for a long time like stews, soup, casseroles and porridge is your breakfast friend. Means your body has less to do and has more juice left over to fix the blood deficiency symptoms. Oh and did I say drink? I'll say it again... drink more than your bladder thinks it's possible to need!! Ouch for chest infection! You are in the wars.... Look after yourself m'lady or I'll be round with my thermometer and a very stern look. I can go with hubby to Moscow, thanks for asking, and my visa is being sorted but to be honest at the moment it's  minus 25 and I have no desire to go when it's that cold! It's too cold to sight see, especially on my own and the working day there in the financial district is 10-7pm (to fit with Europe's hours) so I'll be on my own for much of it in a hotel room. At least here I have the puss cats and Rolfie to cuddle. I did go to Hong Kong last week with him so I can't moan too much but Moscow is the main trip. It won't be forever, it'll just be frequent for about 3-6 months then hopefully he'll travel less. Mmm chicken pie... Lovely! I'm making beef and ale later in the week. My Sunday roast thrift has stretched to rendering off the beef fat and making pastry with it but I'm not quite sure if that's just too wrong!!


4eva - welcome sweetie! You have found a lovely home here, look forward to getting to know you.


Beach - Another refugee, yay! Lovely to see you


Shorts - what diet are you doing love? I'm paying for WW but don't seem to be doing it at the moment! Going to go to the meeting tomorrow though and get my @ss kicked in to touch. Decorating takes some real motivation, I'm impressed your'e even considering it


Right, better get dinner on. Big hungry man arriving home soon


Much love
LadyV
xxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
AOFC hope u listen to LV otherwise i dread to think where she'll be shoving that thermometer  ;D ;D ;D


LV im just doing my own diet. We are economising at the moment so dont wanna pay out for slimming club when i know i wont bother going anyway  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D  Had belvita biscuits for brekkie, ryvita philadelphia light cheese cucumber, yogurt and banana for lunch. Am also off the booze and onto bottled fizzy flavoured water 3 bottles for a quid from asda  ;D ;D  Really REALLY have to pack in the **** as will only be considered for an over 5 if im a smoker.....so they just gotta go. I have a feeling of deja vu here  ;D ;D ;D  Dont blame you not wanting to go to moscow at -25 - bloomin eck it would freeze ya bazookas off  ;D ;D
 

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WOWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEE!


So weird, just logged on after ages and then noticed i had PM's from LV and Shorts!! Thank you both SO much  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^


YES this is perfect.


Will be reading back carefully to see where you all are, how you are feeling, tonight busy as hubster off on travels tomorrow at dawn and need to pay attention  ::)


But....yes this feels like the new home we all need so much.


To cut a long story short, big sis pregnant - due in June. Little sis pregnant due in August. Gutted doesnt cover it. Cool with big sis. NOT cool with little sis, cannot face her, cannot speak to her.......Looked into costs of our tx in US and pretty sure that even robbing a bank wont cover it so wondering how on earth I am going to survive this summer and the rest of my life!!


Much love and hugs as always and hope to respond in detail very soon.


The OC!!


xxxx
 

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Oh yes and to add insult to injury after 3 years off the ciggies I am back to a small (but addicted) habit of a couple of rollies a night during the week (which I have been having sneakily at work as hub doesn't know) and chain smoking when he is away or I am away - GRRRRR FFFFFFFFFS!!!


Cuddles my gorgeous ones xxxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
OC luv ya hunny  :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*  and you will survive, cos you are now a fully paid up member of the Survivors Thread  ;)  How bout going elsewhere  ???  I know in US you can get to choose or at least see pics of the donors, is that why you decided on there? As for the ciggies, dont beat yourself up, we do whatever we need to do to see us through the s hit!!!!!!!  ;)  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ 
 

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Shorts - thanks for the pm....fab idea! Fostering sounds so exciting. Its something I would love to do and make it my career....but dh has only recently come round to adopting...but a baby only, so not an option for us....yet!

Anyone know what happened to Donkey? She was very poorly...hope she is ok

Back later

Anna x
 
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