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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is a support thread for those people
who plan to tell any child concieved that a donor was used

Anyone who is undecided may dip into both the telling and not telling threads
to get both sides, or ask questions.

Any posts belittling or disputing the choices others have made will be removed.
~Dizzi~
 

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    Hi.
 
  I'm looking at the issue from a slightly different angle. I did 2 rounds of egg  share. Don't know if either recipient got pg or how many eggs they got. I sort  of askd when I called the clinic to inform them of Megan's birth and they said  someone would call me but they never did.
 
  My tell or not is whether to tell Megan that she may have siblings out there.  It's unlikely we will have more children unless another miracle happens.
 
  What are your thoughts on this.
 
  Joy xx
 

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Thanks Dizzi this is a really good idea to have the two support threads without lists - and will continue to browse both I think as appreciate hearing all views about this difficult and sensitive topic :)

love Ceci :-*
 

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just bookmarking x
 

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thanks dizzi. - missed the link to this new thread though until i tried to reply

Interesting thought joy - i guess if you are talking about IVF it can be an extention of that. I guess my view is to be as honest and open as possible with your own children so that would support telling her.  Was it covered in any counselling you had? I wanted to be an egg donor but wasn't allowed but hadn't thought about that aspect just that fact that our baby would have been from donor sperm. interesting.
 

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bookmarking  :)
 

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Hi Becky - to be honest the counselling we had for the egg share was pretty naff and basically a paper exercise to say they had done it. They told us to look at the donor conception network but it doesn't cover that aspect really, more if you are using donor eggs or sperm.

Joy xx
 

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There is some information about children being more fascinated about their half siblings than the donor. There is a donor sibling register I believe.

If you don't tell and then they want to get married in the future, however minute the possibility, there is always a chance that they could meet and want to marry a sibling if they do not know. It has been known to happen rarely in the past - genetic attraction.

If you become worried that the possibility, then you might be tempted to tell at that stage and then it could cause trouble.

My personal feeling is that honesty is always the best policy at an early stage, then no one can say you kept a secret or lied and it is never a shock at a sensitive moment.
 

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Sorry, was trying to post "just bookmarking", wouldn't let me post anymore  ;D

Mini  :), was expecting the finger to pop up  :p
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Ju I deleted your other post ;) and was going to say post again but you have lol
Thanks everyone, Happy Chatting ^wave^
 

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Mini - We were told we had to request the info.
 

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Hi Joy
Yours is an interesting question.  Whilst I would completely agree with Hazel that honesty is the best policy, the Government in it's wisdom did not think carefully enough about the needs and interests of children within the family of a donor, when they came to laying down provisions in the HFE Act for availability of information.  Donor conceived children, conceived in the UK post April 2005 have the right to have information about their donor from age 18 and at that age ANY person conceived at a licensed clinic with donated gametes after August 1991 can go on a register to have contact with half siblings.  However, the children in the family of a donor have no rights to have their names on any register in order to be in touch with their half-sibs nor can DC children be in touch with them.
Of course the possibility of contact between half sibs will be there if/when DC young adults make contact with their donor post 18 (in our experience likely to be older than that if they were told early).  This is just one of the good reasons for donors to share information with their children about their part in creating other families sooner rather than later.  I hope you feel you can do this with pride Joy.  You certainly have done something very special indeed and you are entitled to know the outcome of your donation.  If you can't get this information from your clinic you can get it from the HFEA.

Just like to confirm what Hazel said.  Our experience at DC Network is that donor conceived people are often much more interested in half-sibs than in their donor.  Those told early are never looking for a parent and it's not surprising that they have more interest in others around the same age as them who are likely to share some interests and are in the same, or similar, position to them.
Olivia
 

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Just bookmarking!
 

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Thanks Dizzy for this Thread.

I have minimal info from my donor and I know that she has 3 children which will be half siblings to my boy - just too much to take in just now - where I have chosen when the time is right to tell my boy it is still a lot to think about regarding the lives of 3 other possible half siblings but only thru genes and if the donor has told them???

Any thoughts appreciated

Bloo x
 

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Mostly book marking, but on the issue of the number of siblings I found this article very interesting
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/sep/19/sperm-donors-shortage-market-forces

Olivia - does this mean some of our children may have 'unrecorded' siblings? (Though the inference from the article seems to be that there may actually be less siblings than many of us suspect). Does HFEA not keep a central record of this? (Assuming HFEA is still around that is, and if they are abolished as the government plans who will hold the records?)

Thanks
Lizi.x

/links
 

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Hi Lizi
This is an interesting article from Liza Mundy whose book Everything Conceivable is well worth reading.  It may well be that in very recent years, because of supreme vigilance by HFEA over number of families created via each donor, that some children have very few donor siblings.  What is unknown, and cannot be known until contact is made post 18, is how many half-sibs a child might have in the family of the donor.
In the early years of the HFEA, when there was much poorer record keeping, quite often more than ten families were created.  I know one sixteen year old who has 18 half-sibs and I'm sure she is not unique.  All parents of donor conceived children (post 1991) can find out from the HFEA how many half-sibs their children have, their gender and years of birth.

What happens to the Registry if and when the HFEA is broken up is one of the big questions that DC Network is very keen to keep tabs on.  I am personally unclear that the HFEA will finally come under the hammer.  As you may have seen from recent press reports, some parts of the Government are realising that the functions performed by some arms length bodies (such as the HFEA) will cost them more to break-up and realign than keeping them together.  There was never any question of the FUNCTIONS of the HFEA being abolished, just a question mark hanging over whether it needed a specialist body to perform these functions.  We shall see.
Olivia
 

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