Fertility Friends Support Forum banner
1 - 20 of 64 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello, my name's Maisy and the bottom just well and truly fell out of my world. AFter 2 years of tests and treatments and unexplained infertility today I got told I could try IVF but it has les than 5% chance of working. The nurse wanted to hug me (frankly I wanted to punch her patronisiing cow). Seems at 39 I'm a waste of time, I may have POF but she wasn't clear. Apparently I can try IVF "as it's a  bit like the lottery, might not be much chance but you should still by a ticket". Not sure if this is how all IVF places talk or if she needs some sort of help in customer management.

Anyway my life is rubbish and I hope someone can help me, guess no one can though
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,986 Posts
to FF!

Dont you dare give up yet! The nurse may need a poke in the eye, but you get yourself to another clinic or doctor for another opinion, there are options so dont give up hope, please!
Please have a good look around the site and feel free to post in any area, and make yourself at home. There are many who are on their TTC journey, and others who have been fortunate to have little ones with assistance. You will soon discover that our members are very encouraging of one another and offering advice or just simple hugs. There's a vast amount of information here for everyone, so start reading, posting and getting to know others. You will make some great friends too, lots of members often have meet ups locally too, for chats, coffee, shopping or even nights out! You can share conversations with one another freely, simply because we all understand each other. It's hard when family and friends don't fully comprehend what this journey entails and the emotions that go with it. That's where we come in!

Here are some links which you should find really useful at the moment……

What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ CLICK HERE

Complimentary, Holistic and Spiritual Approaches ~ CLICK HERE

What can improve egg quality and quantity ~ CLICK HERE

Unexplained ~CLICK HERE

POF / Early Menopause ~ CLICK HERE

'Poor Responders' chatter thread .... These ladies will give you some great advice http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=249942.0

A Rough Guide To IVF ~CLICK HERE

IVF General ~ CLICK HERE

Have you thought about treatment abroad? Lots pf ladies have treatment all over the world now, lots of advantages etc ...

Treatment Outside The UK ~ CLICK HERE
The Czech Republic and Spain are both very popular, have a look under locations for more info on those countries, there are clinic threads there too :)

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment.

Cycle buddies ~ CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our chat room. We have a newbie day in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet one of our mods for support, meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here. CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the Location boards. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Wishing you lots of luck ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ and ^fairydust^
Keep in touch
Ceri xx

PS I have also sent you a pm (private message)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I gave up. I begged for help and no one came.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,986 Posts
Have you much support arpund you at the moment? Friends, family? Is your partner supportive?
I would definately seek  2nd opinion ^hugme^
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
415 Posts
Hun you need to get a second opinion !!!

Please dont give up at the first hurdle ........we have all been there and it may feel like your world is ending, but read the stories on these boards . You r not alone and i have learnt more from my virtual friends than any doctor / nurse could ever teach me .

I hope you find the strength to carry on and that your dreams come true .

H xx
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
12,192 Posts
Maisyz, I think it is DISGRACEFUL the way you were treated.  I agree with Ceri, I would find a 2nd opinion, at least a more sympathetic clinic.

FF has an over 40s board and there are numerous success stories, so 39 isn't too old.

Sue ^hugme^
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,602 Posts
hi maisy ^wave^
after our first round of treatment (our only nhs funded cycle) the doctor i saw for my follow up said something similar and really quite hard to hear. she said we could try again but there wasn't much point really as dh's sperm was so poor and i was getting older. she really discouraged me and i left crying - completely ruined :'(
however, we then went for a consultation at Nurture in Nottingham where we were told we had good chances, we are still young and dh had plenty of sperm to pick a few good wrigglers. sure enough i am now 11 weeks pregnant.
remember no matter what job people are in they can still be a) insensitive and b) wrong
like ceri says, don't give up. i would seriously get a second opinion. there are plenty of people on here with unexplained IF who go on to have babies.
stay strong love ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,048 Posts
I think that you should go to another clinic for a second opinion ^hugme^
L x
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
12,192 Posts
Forgot to mention, I was marked down as unexplained and I was 38 when my IVF daughter was born.  I will hopefully have another cycle next year when I will be 40.

Sue ^hugme^
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I've already told OH he should find someone else. At 39 my world just ended. All the nurse kept going on about was donor egg, something we do not want. I totally respect ladies who can do it so not being nasty, it's just not something I could do. The chance of them finding someone with our exact cultural and ethnic mix is close to zero anyway so it's always been out of the question for us. The even more appalling thing was she told me to go and get a chlamydia check in front of my OH who I've been with for over 18 years OMFG. AM seriosulty appalled by a nurse who can trivialise an experience so much. I left in tears all because of her. Good job I'd say.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,602 Posts
maisy maisy maisy - oh love i wish i could give you a great big hug ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

we were told by the nhs we would need to look at donor sperm but we didn't. that nurse sounds like she's in the wrong job - seriously!

as for telling OH he should find someone else, my dp said that to me when our problem was diagnosed as Male Factor, I think it's common to feel that way but you really musn't blame yourself. i understand what it's like to feel useless and empty and hopeless but life does move on.

how has your OH reacted to it all?

kandy xxx
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I just feel they wrote me off - old girl no chance- I never write people off. I'd be a good mum.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
12,192 Posts
Maisyz, I said exactly the same thing to DH so I know exactly where you are coming from.  My DH said that he fell in love with me, not my ability to have children and the fact that we needed help on that front doesn't change how he feels about me.  Even though we were marked down as unexplained I blamed myself, but he said that it was our problem, not mine.

Find another clinic and see what they say, perhaps they will be more understanding and compassionate (well, lets face it, they couldn't be worse!) - I wish you all the luck in the world.

Hugs

Sue ^hugme^
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thanks Sue. Feel traumatised by the whole thing. DH says the same, he doesn't want children with anyone else. I still want to let him have a chance elsewhere. I don't like complaining but really don't feel happy with the clinic, never have really. Not sure what to do now. Feel like all is lost at the mo and very alone.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,986 Posts
You could throw your anger and upset into a complaint letter to the hospital re the nurse you saw, but I'd say channel it into looking for another clinic, show the moo who's made you feel this way, that she is in the wrong job. Start off by chatting with your oartner, and maybe ringing a few clinics to ask questions etc. Have a look at the HFEA site, you can search local clinics, or anywhere in the UK, see which procedures they do etc
http://www.hfea.gov.uk/fertility.html and of course you can ask us here, anything! ^hugme^
Please dont give it all up yet ^hugme^ There are so many successes/miracles here on FF.

xx

/links
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I know there's no point in complaining. I just had to say something somewhere because I have no one, nothing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,048 Posts
As a nurse manager I would always like to hear if a member of staff has upset a pt, there maybe a training issue etc she may already being monitored for similar behaviour, it can't change your experience but it can others and stop them experiencing the care you had.  Also I think that if you do complain the do ensure that you don't have reason to complain on your next visit! You could ask for an appt with the consultant to explain you chances as you weren't satisfied with the nurses consultation.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
she was a nurse manager too. There's no point in complaining. Like she said it's just a lottery and I'm old
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Thankyou Mandie. I'd rather not say where I went for treatment. Just feel devastated by it all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
415 Posts
Maisy ,

I know how your feeling , i still when i am having a bad day tell DP to leave me as i am ruining his life................but your other half loves YOU , and pushing him away really wont help either of you . You are in it together and yes you will have good days and bad but thats what makes you stronger .

I was told in no uncertain terms that i would never be a mummy ......not there yet but am B****y well gonna prove that awful doctor wrong !!!!!

be strong hun , get a second opinion and you will realise there are some wonderful Dr's and nurses out there who really want to help .

H xx
 
1 - 20 of 64 Posts
Top