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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
thought i would start this thread as i know everyone feels down sometimes, yet sometimes its hard to post as you don;t wana bring people down well this is the thread for anyone to write your worries down, be honest even if you feel it might cause someone upset as its better out than in and i know all us IVF wales girls are mates so girls lets be honest

so i will start

this next transfer if we get to blastocyst will be embryo transfer number 6, i already have enough money for a fresh cycle and will do this asap yet i also know that we will not be able to go on forever

when is enough enough, it crosses my mind more and more

we have been having treatment excluding clomid since march 2005 and have been tryin for 11 years in november.

i have my mind set on this fet a fresh another fet then what, i do not know

come on girls get all those negative feelings out
 

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great idea kara..if anyone feels upset  :( or fancys a moan  :mad:  post here!...hopw your ok ..i really hope it works for you soon i really do  ^pray^
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
thanks you sweetheart

im glad you think its a good idea
 

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Kara, you are an inspiration.  Best wishes are sent your way.

^fairydust^ ^fairydust^ ^fairydust^

I don't think this is a feeling down or a moan post but I think I need to say this.  If I posted how I felt about what was/had made me feel down/upset recently then I think I'd get into trouble so with that in mind here's a tiny portion of my concerns:

My feeling is I have a lot riding on this coming cycle, if fertilisation is poor again then my future treatments would be in question.  I've been told I could have an egg issue and how do I deal with that should that same thing happen again?  Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead as I have to get past fertilisation first and this is a concern but future decisions are obviously down to the outcome of this cycle.  My early ovulation has been a factor and a concern to me, even now that I'm doing the antagonist protocol.  The lead up to this cycle has been a rough ride, it's been worse than my previous two put together and I'm so hoping the hitches will be over with before I start, and like my wedding day, all will run smooth in the end and great result will hopefully be achieved.

Here's hoping for a miracle  ^pray^

 

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Girls I just want to say I totally understand how you feel it's very understandable in your position to have those awful negative feelings and it's not a nice place to be but I truly believe that you will all get the result you want. I CAN FEEL IT ^reiki^

I admire your strength to carry on because it does feel like running a marathon and you need alot of stamina for that but you WILL all get to the finishing line. I take my hat off to you all especially those of you who have been through a few cycles it's the most emotionally,physically and expensive rollercoaster your ever likely to go on, but a few weeks ago I felt that things hadn't worked and felt those feelings of despair raising their ugly heads but here I am with a BFP and so far so good (touch wood) ^reiki^ I think what I'm trying to say is you obviously don't know when it's going to happen but when it does you almost can't believe how quickly things have changed even though you know you've had treatment-I suppose it's because the whole journey of infertility takes so long and then all of a sudden your not on that road any more and I know that as hard as it is now for you you will all find yourselves in that very different position almost like it's happened over night! lots of luv Ness xxx ^hugme^
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
ness thank you sweetheart

i had a good cry last night i the bath and i feel so much better today, think the tooth op knocked me around more than i realised
 

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Ummm....I can't put into words all the things that have been haunting me over the past few weeks.  I stayed away because I was feeling so upset and anxious and was terrified that if I came back on and found everyone else moving on and having success I would feel even worse - horrible, selfish person right?  :-[  But the bottom line is, I just want information.  I have had mixed messages, purely because everyone has been trying to help and do the right thing for me but now I am just scared and confused.    Is this a new fibroid or what is left from the other one?  Is it growing fast?  Is it going to be a problem?  Do I need treatment for it / another op?  Should I just get on and have another go at TTC whilst it's small?  I'm driving myself crazy not knowing what to do and it's making me feel very small and alone.  :(  Far too many tears have been shed over the past month and depression took a horrible grip on me. :'(  I knew the last cycle was unlikely to work as the odds were stacked against me but I still felt grief when it didn't.  The cyclogest has upset my system which I guess is no surprise as my body has always been a bit hysterical (like me I guess) but I am trying to be rational and not panic - I will probably ovulate when its caught up with itself and I am going to try and stay calm in the meantime. 
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
sal

i so hope you get some answers soon hunni and believe me, we have all at some point felt what you are feeling now and we understand

you are allowed to feel jealous of others good news you know and hey you wouldn;t be normal if you didn;t, all around there is good news and bad, my advice is stick with us we are all here to help you mate

 

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I'm sure we'll all be posting on here at one point or another.  No-one prepares us for how we may feel during this journey.  I'm calling it my highway of hell and not a journey right now because that's how I feel my experience has been since the start of all this.  Isn't a journey something you do or go on when you travel somewhere ... I don't know if I will end up anywhere, but I'm praying that it will be somewhere nice  ^pray^

Sal it's so easy to slip into a depression, I felt that way after my first failed tx.  I wouldn't get dressed and stayed in my PJ's all day, wouldn't go to work.  I had to force myself in the end to get back to normality and gain strength from somewhere to keep going.

Tx certainly changes people, it has me.  I've never ever cried so much.

Each one of us on this thread has a different story/reason behind their IF and we're all here to support and not judge like Spooks said  ^hugme^

Hope you get some answers soon Sal.

^Cuddle^
 

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I just wanted to add to this as I'm feeling down today. I feel like a hypocrite and a fraud moaning about the fact we cant have babies naturally and that i read all your stories and i really wish it would happen for each and every one of you. why should it happen to me first time and with only 5 years ttc when there are some of you ttc for over 10 years, what makes me sooo special for it to work first time. thats why i think it wont!! how can i comfort you or support you when i really don't know the heart ache of your bfn after very long months of tx. yes i have had bfn and i DO know what it feels like, i also have a child and know the heartache you have knowing i have been pg and given birth, so what gives me the right to cry and be sorry for myself when i see pg people or babies........... sorry I'm not all there  ^idiot^ haven't even jabbed myself yet. can u imagine what I'm gonna be like when i do  :-\
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
aww kelly

that is such a wonderful post and what you have said just proves you know how we feel

ttc is hard whether is 1 year or 10 years, we are here for eachother always

i really admire your understanding
 

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aww kelly hun i know how u feel hun and i do admire you for what u just wrote !!!

I am feeling crap today on and off i have jack and he is the light of my life he is so specail to us !!
He is nagging lately about having a brother or sister he even got a spare toothbrush for the baby at the moment i  feel crap cause i cant give him what he wants i really need to sort my lifestyle out..
But then i think i was a lot smaller when i started trying to  fall pregnant 10yrs +  ago and i just think why is it going to work now if it havent after all these yrs sorry for the moan ..
Big hugs to you all love emma xxxxxxxx
 

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^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ ^Cuddle^ group hug for all you  ladies  ;D
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
group hug girls

we are all here for eachother, each of us has different situations, no one is the same

we can get something good for all of this and thats true friends
 

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:'( at the mo, mike is looking at me funny now lmao

^hugme^  ^hugme^  ^hugme^  ^hugme^  ^hugme^  ^hugme^  ^hugme^  ^hugme^

thanks for understanding and im soo greatful for you all mwah
 

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Sorry if this is a ME post.

As some of you know I've been battling with my GP to fund my IVF drugs for future treatments.  Firstly I was advised to seek helep fom our Local Health Board and then was referred back to GP as a patient cannot request funding so went back to GP to start all over again.  Applied to LHB then they refused the application as fertiliity is a specialised area and advised to apply to Health Commission Wales which my GP did.  Now we've had the reply after lost letters etc and they wont fund the drugs.  I'm seeing my GP in the morning to see if anything can be done to contest this but I feel so low right now, really struggling to keep PMA.  I cannot afford much more treatment and was hoping this would be a great help.  Our treatment and drugs is one of the most expensive and some funding would have helped immensely.  I've been really upset all afternoon as I cannot believe I'm one of the few that funding isn't available for.  My plan is to write to AM and MP and get the ball rolling there but not holding out much hope.

Infertility sucks !!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
the postcode lottery is a JOKE

how dare where you live dictate how many txs and if your gp will prescribe any drugs

the money side of things hunni is massive and its no wondering this news has brought you crashing back down but as they say the only way is up now.


i so hoping your writing to them might help huni i really do

i agree infertility sucks
 

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aww Andi  ^hugme^ that's really [email protected] news. It's so frustrating - people say things like, 'don't worry about the cost, it'll be worth it'' but sadly they don't realise the implications of money worries when it's yet another problem to add to the long list of worries when enduring the nightmare world of infertility! (i know i'm no expert, but that's my experience so far and i haven't even started tx yet!)

My GP just wasn't interested and he too, told me to contact the LHB myself. I think GP's knowledge of infertility is very limited and the majority seem to have a 'couldn't care less' attitude. Mine told me he hasn't got the budget he needs to start with, so there's just no scope for funding things such as infertility.Like spooks said, you may find a GP who has an interest in gynae problems etc but i think pro-active GP's seem to be few and very far between  :( They are business managers before doctors!

I would write to your AM and argue your case - you've got nothing to lose and at least you'll feel like you're trying to do something about the situation.

You never know, it may just do the trick  ^reiki^

Moth x
 

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Thanks for your replies girls.

Spooks what's your good news?

I'm gearing up to go see my GP this morning, I'm actually gonna walk the 1.5 miles there and back and hope it will clear my head a little.  I cried so much yesterday I think it just brought things to a head and I had a much overdue blub, I think I've been too strong since my last failed tx and I have PMT too so no wonder ehhh!!  I hope I can hold it together when I'm there.

I have a copy of the letter my GP wrote to them because I had to get them to refax it .... another long story.  I'm not sure if I can move GP's, as far as I'm aware you have to live within their catchment area.  My GP practice doesn't hold their own budget therefore all this begging to the budget holders.  I do think the GP I see now is sympathetic and has done what she can to help.  There's 5 doctors in the practice and I stick to the same one now for this issue.

Will update you later on my fight ... thanks for caring girls.
 

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Hello andi im so sorry hun you have to go through this i agree with the girls its blo.dy disgusting that you have to go through this on top of all the other worrys,  i realy hope u can get this sorted sending you big massive hugs love from emma xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ^hugme^ ^hugme^

Ps~ infertility do suck big time  ^bigbad^ ^bigbad^
 
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