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Discussion Starter · #41 ·
And so it starts.....

The constant boobie prodding to see if they are hurting...
I think if they are at all tender (not quite sure) its probably all the poking and prodding!
 

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Discussion Starter · #42 ·
Dear Diary

Left boobie is deffo tender.... i *think* this means AF will be here by Monday 😊
 

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Discussion Starter · #43 ·
Dear Diary

AF is deffo on her way. Left boobie is sore. So hoping to be on by monday.
I weighed myself this morning, im 4.5lb over what i want to be and what i was when i did my last cycle that made my DS. So im worrying now that it wont work because of that!
Finding it increasingly difficult not to tell my sister. She wasnt so positive about me trying again when were were thinking of it back in 2016 so decided we wouldnt tell her.
Luckily she is in the proceeds are buying a new house and she is super stressed so this is the best excuse to use should she find out.

As for DS, he is back at school this week and he is being such a good boy, no wetting himself either!

X
 

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Discussion Starter · #44 ·
Dear diary

I started spotting today at about 2 pm. Got all excited thinking it was coming early and would be starting tomorrow but no.... it stopped as soon as it started!
Urgh! I rarely spot, im either on or not so its annoying.

Work is full on at the minute and becoming increasingly stressful. Im trying to detach from work a little and concentrate on my treatment and my DS but in doing that, work have noticed and have questioned my attitude towards certain aspects of my job. Perhaps i should have been more subtle but its not in my nature. There is so much to it as to why my attitude isnt quite up to scratch to which they recognise and actually agree with but are not willing to change. So it looks like it's on me.

Im so tired tonight, i need a really early night x
 

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Discussion Starter · #45 ·
Dear diary

Started spotting AGAIN! This time, rather than pink, it was bright red and cramps

I called the clinic, the nurse was a little dismissive in that it NEEDED to be a really heavy flow. I said it wasnt but it was more than spotting and was worries that i wouldnt get a normal heavy flow because of the scratch. She said someone would call me.... but i havent ha md any other call.
Good job really as it has bloody stopped again!!!!
Cant keep up!!! Driving me mad!
Now, it will deffo be monday which means time off work at short notice. Its inevitably going to happen but if i came on today, and had baseline scan tomorrow, less impact on work, even just one day

X
 

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Discussion Starter · #46 ·
Dear diary

So, the clinic never called me back and my bleed got heavier so i popped there today to see what they said as they dont answer the phones on saturdays. I waited nearly 2 hours for a 30 second conversation! 🤨
So, even though its a really light period, today is classed a day 1. Why did my consultant say any bleed (period flow) started before 6pm would be classes as day 1... even when he said it i thought it was weird as most clinic count between 12-2...
So, anyway, i have my baseline scan booked for 8:50 on Monday morning and if all is well, i should start injecting that evening x
 

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Discussion Starter · #47 ·
Dear Diary

Baseline scan done. I will be doing my first injection when DS goes to bed.
Then followed by a nice slice of chocolate cake 😋.

Next app is Friday. Then Monday.

I pray, i pray i will respond quicker this time. Me and Menopur seem to take a while to bond judging by my last 2 cycles.

DS is good, very snuggly. I want him to be a big brother so badly. He loves babies and he has that sort of character that shouldnt be an only challenge.

Follow me on insta bubbles_ivf_fertility

Cost so far

Consultation £200
Vitamins £60
AMH test £80
SSR £1150
Follow up app - £170
Metformin - £7
OPK - £27
Scratch - £180
Fertility drugs - £460
ICSI - £3330

Total - £5647
 

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Discussion Starter · #48 ·
Dear Diary

Day 3 of stims. I doubt anything is going on. I have a few twinges and cramps but judging by my last 2 cycles, nothing happened until day 8-10.

I have a scan friday.

Work are being good too.

Im so tired, im off to bed.

X
 

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Discussion Starter · #49 ·
Dear Diary

Woke up this morning quite bloated and crampy so i had an feeling that things were progressing.
I had my scan, lining is thickening up nicely (her words, not mine) and she confirmed my ovaries were responding! Yay!
Last time, it took 10 days before i started to respond.

I am slightly uncomfortable, even on day 5 of stims, its not too bad though.

Cetrotide starts tonight 😁😁
 

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Discussion Starter · #50 ·
Dear Diary

Ive been bloated on and off all day. I was talking to my manager earlier, and i had a sudden sharp pain in my ovary, its stopped me in my tracks and almost took my breath away!

Clinic called at around 1. They want to drop my dose to 150.
Well, originally, she thought i was already on 150 so asked me to drop it to 112.5, that was, until i told her i was actually on 225. She said on my notes it stated 150 but all was fine and drop down to 150 anyway. So looks like im doing the opposite of the last cycle! Crazy!
Just done my first cetrotide injection, i forgot how it stings. Although the needle is bigger and fatter, i found it so much easier injecting that, than the menopur injections.

In other news, the nursery pulled me in to ask if i would allow then to refer DS for speech and language. His talking is fine. But they say he parrots alot which is concerning them, and if this is case, they want to start tackling it before he starts school.
I havent noticed it at all and personally, i dont think there is an issue there but i will follow their lead and agree to what they recommend..
X
 

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Discussion Starter · #51 ·
Dear Diary

Day 7 of stims, done. My belly is huge but im not feeling bloated, barely any twinges and pains 😏. This is making me worry that ive ovulated....
To add to the worry, a friend of mine gave me my cetrotide., she bought her drugs ready to start, but conceived naturally so she gave me hers. Hers were in her fridge but she sent me them via next day delivery and then i put them in the fridge, i worry that with them being out the fridge for 24 hours, has had an affect on them, and maybe they are not working. I checked with the pharmacist before she sent them, and she said it would be fine. Im guessing i will find out tomorrow!

Scan is at 9:40

X
 

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Discussion Starter · #52 ·
Dear diary

Well, im slightly shocked.

Im triggering tonight and egg collection is on Wednesday! Ive only stimmed for 7 days! Crazy how different this cycle is.
She counted quite a few follicles and im very bloated and look pregnant.
Trigger shot is a 20:30
Ive got to lower my menopur to 75iu too!

X
 

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Discussion Starter · #53 ·
Dear Diary

Trigger shot was done last night. Egg collection is tomorrow. Im guessing i will be first on the list as i triggered at half 8 last night, add on 36 hours is 08:30 tomorrow morning.
I forgot about the worry about ovulating before egg collection, in fact, i forgot about all the feelings.
I'll admit, this time is different. I havent got that need like i did last time, that need to be a mother because i already am one. My son is beautiful. So it isnt a 'this has to work' kind of thing.... or is it... am i just kidding myself.
Im gearing up for a BFN this time. Ive had all my luck when i had my son, this cant possibly work again. I cant see myself as a mother of 2. Im thinking the worst outcome of egg collection, out of embryo outcome and of course, the final result. I just really want my boy to be a brother... he would love it. I feel sad for him that this quite potentially wont work. I fear i may be more upset if this doesnt work than i think.

The other thing im now battling with is how many to put back. Last time, i had 2 and both stuck, yes, i lost one but even so.  So this time, up until the last day or 2, ive been adament i only want 1 back as i DO NOT want twins... and i still very much do not want twins... but i worry that i may get a BFP but miscarry.... at least with 2 back, i have more chance of having 1. That said, i dont think i can risk having 2 back.
This IVF malarki is tough going.

Im feeling increasingly frustrated with people at work. They just dont get it (i cant expect them too really having not been through it) but a few people knew about my egg collection tomorrow and not 1 wished me luck 🙁  i wish they didnt know. Especially if i do get a BFN... talk about awkward.

I also worry about me going back to work the day after EC, normally im in quite some discomfort for days after, but i reasoned that my job was very desk based and unless i need to loo or a hot drink etc, i dont actually have to move from my seat but i will see how i feel.

Once DS is in bed, im going to catch up on some TV and have an early night.

X
 

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Discussion Starter · #54 ·
Dear Diary

Im trying to remain positive. I got 12 eggs. Ideally, i would have liked more but i guess it is what it is.

Apparently, i had 70 follicles, the most my consultant has ever seen and yet only 12 eggs retrieved. But, unlike any other cycle ive had, these eggs are all mine, i dont need to share them.
I now have to wait for a call tomorrow to inform me how many were mature and how many fertilize, if any.

I dont think i can face work tomorrow.
 

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Discussion Starter · #55 ·
Dear diary

Ive tried to nap but couldnt. Ive been researching and i do feel somewhat better about things, there is no point dwelling.
Ive called in sick at work as i cant face the call if its bad news.

I have asked OH the question of what next if this doesnt work, he hasnt ruled out another cycle.

Now, to pick up my boy from school, he will deffo cheer me up the little pigeon x
 

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Discussion Starter · #56 ·
Dear diary

Ive had the worst nights sleep. I feel like a zombie. I had a tramadol before bed as was a little uncomfortable, worst mistake... i cant sleep on tramadol, at all.

Im now lying in bed, googling IVF success stories, particularly, day 3 transfers.

Im waiting for the call and im not going to lie, im dreading it. Im really trying though to be optimistic and positive despite  my previous cycles.

 

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Discussion Starter · #57 ·
Its over.

Only 2 mature eggs.... none fertilized. Cant even speak
 

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Discussion Starter · #58 ·
I feel so upset.

This is a massive cock up on my clinics part. Yesterday waa full of anger, today (already) i cant stop crying. Ive just wasted nearly 5K and have absolutely nothing to show for it all because the clinic.

After doing some slight research, im now coming to the conclusion that they triggered me too early.
70 follicles, only 12 eggs? 12 eggs and only 2 mature? Thats the evidence right there. This has NEVER happened before to me... NEVER. Ive always had a good maturity and fertilization rate.
This is my clinics fault.
I feel sad for so many reasons, i feel sad for my son, i feel sad for me. I feel sad that i have had the chance ripped away with no hope at all. I feel sad that im having to now put a big complaint into the clinic and seemingly fight for what is right and get my money back, so we can do this all over again, but whilst keeping the good rapport with them.

I am so so tired, i look 6 months pregnant and im miserable. I cant face work.
I now have to go to the clinic today for a blood test to check for OHSS and face there people when i feel very weak (emotionally).

X
 

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Discussion Starter · #59 ·
I spoke to the nurse today

Only 6 of my 40+ follicles were at 18mm
The rest were all below, some at 17mm but but between 15 -16mm.
My blood levels were at 11,000 too.

From the vibe i got from her, i think she was more inclined to agree with what i was saying. I hope i am right and not mis-judging her response with her just being sympathetic.
She has advised to complain.
When i said they should have cancelled or continued to stimm, coast then collect with a view of a freeze all cycle to avoid OHSS, she nodded in agreement so she has given me hope.
She said that the clinic have given patients free cycles in the past for errors of many reasons so it was achievable that they could offer me this.

Today, i feel awful, over emotional, so very tired and i feel i have been hit by a lorry.

 

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Discussion Starter · #60 ·
I feel so low.

I feel like i havent slept for a week.

The clinic just called and said my bloods came back fine but if i felt at all unwell, to go back in and see them. Ive bloated right back out again.

I asked her what is the level of Estrodiol that makes them consider EC. She told me anything below 18000. That each follicle is around 1000 each so given mine was 11000 that was about right for each egg i got.
Im starting to think this is a battle im not going to win.

She said that my consultant and the head of complaints now have my email and have looked at my notes and will discuss everything when i see them on wednesday.

I just can accept that this was just one of those things. To have only 2 mature eggs, something was done wrong. A wrong decision was made. But they will pull rank and have each others backs and i will be left, 6K down with never a chance in the world of giving my darling little boy a brother or sister.

I feel so so low.
 
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