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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi


Meg is 8 now and is usually very happy and outgoing. However recently she has become very sulky and miserable. We have had a long chat and it turns out she is getting grief from one of her friends at school. This child wants to play with Meg all the time and refuses to let anyone else play with them. Meg is very sociable and has a lot of good friends in her class and understandably wants to play with them all. However every time she does, this child sulks and gets upset. So this then upsets Meg and she plays with her to keep her happy. This then upsets her other friends. She's stuck between a rock and a hard place, bless her! To make matters worse this child belongs to my child minder who I love and who Meg loves too  ::)


Anyway we have had a long chat and  I have told her she is to play with who she wants to play with, but not to be unkind to this child and to invite her to play too. However if she refuses and sulks that is not Meg's problem. I have also got her to write a letter to put in the 'Worry Box'. Their Teacher has this in the class room for them to write down their worries so she can help them sort their problems out. I have added my bit too via a letter as Meg is getting so upset about it all and doesn't want to go to school, which she usually loves!


As for the evenings, I've told her that if this child starts to be unkind because Meg wont play exactly what she wants to play, she should leave her alone and read her book or do something else. My CM is lovely and a good friend,  but if the situation doesn't improve I will have to talk to her about it. It's  just so difficult because we are such good friends, however Meg is my priority. It is also difficult for the child who now has to deal with other children coming to her home and invading her space which must be hard (her Mum has just started minding) I don't want to change minders because this could happen with someone else and Meg does need to learn to be a bit less sensitive and stand up for herself a bit more. I also want her to deal with it with help and support, as this is part of life and growing up if that makes sense?


Any other thoughts please?


Thanks  ^hugme^
 

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Hi Slinky

Sorry to hear meg is so upset, it sounds like you have handled it really well. My only thoughts to add would be:-
- maybe encourage her to initiate games (suggest some new ones?) where everyone can join in, so that she doesn't feel forced into playing with just one or two people, and excluding 'demanding friend'. Playground games come and go, and sometimes talking about the type of games they are playing might help to better understand the situation, and help to give meg some 'get-out strategies', or better still 'don't get into the situation in the first place strategies'. Chances are that demanding friend might find she enjoys these types of games too, especially if Meg initiates them?
- children are so fickle (especially girls i think!!) that this will probably blow over quite quickly!! My sons only problems at school so far have been of the "C doesn't like me anymore and won't let me play with him" variety, but it comes and goes and I try not to get too involved. I would try and avoid talking to the mum if possible - i do think that these are the sort of battles children need to fight alone...demanding friend needs to learn that the way she is being is actually having the opposite effect on people - and that message will come better from peers than from her mum....
hun xx
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks Hun  ^hugme^


I spoke to the Teacher today who was great! She's spoken to Meg and pretty much said the same as me. Circle time was about friendships and being kind to each other


I wouldn't have bothered too much about this as its happened before and sorted itself out, but its been going on since the beginning of November and getting worse. I thought Christmas would settle it down but unfortunately it hasn't


She's feeling a lot better and has a happy face today!  :)


Thanks again xx




 

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hi

Just seen this.  I too have an eight year old ( a boy) and we find the friends issue rears his head from time to time.  It is hard to know isnt it when to interfer or leave it be.  My sons problem was  one particular boy who was taking his friends away from here and playing a rough game that my son didn't want to join in with and didn't want to tell they were playing it as he thought no one would like him.  It left me scratching my head as to what to do but he sorted it out himself in the end by inventing lots of new calmer games that everyone wanted to play and then inviting this other boy who is fairly new to the school to play too.

I think for boys it can be difficult if they dont like football which my son doesnt as they are in the minority and there is not too many boys to play with.

They also have a worry box in their classroom - such a good idea.

Ihave to say some of the girls in my sons class can be quite clever at playing one child against the other and also telling the boys if they dont do xyz they wont marry them etc.  Can be scarily manipulative and some of the things they come out with is way too advanced for my son lol ;D ;D ;D
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hi

The worry never ends eh? It is hard to know when to step in and I usually stand back from these things as they do blow over. I once heard a saying that you are only ever as happy as your unhappiest child - how true is that! What I want to do is to empower Meg to stand up for what she wants a bit more as she worries so much about other people being upset. So it was great when the Teacher said the same as me - tough if the other child does n't want to play, leave her to sulk. Girls can be quite unkind when they get going and a few of them ate 8 going on 18!!!

Meg now feels she can say no and not get into trouble as it's OK. The other child also came up to her after circle time and said she was sorry for making Meg sad. All seems well again thank goodness


Thanks for posting xxx
 

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Glad it is all sorted out :) :) :)

Its such a worry when they are unhappy isnt it?  I also have a 14 year old daughter and she would never be nasty to anyone no matter what .  She is too nice dor her own good ::) ::)  But some of those fourteen year old girls are just so *****y its untrue.

Far worse than boys.

I think the girls think it makes them become more popular and therefore more popular with the boys the nastier they are.  To be honest i think they think it is big or clever to keep critisizing each other all day long even those that are supposed to be friends are talking about each other behind their back or saying comments about weight,skin, hair , teeth etc etc often to each others faces :( :(

My daughter made me laugh because she said these girls always start off with saying "I dont mean to offend you but....." ::) ::)

But as she said they do mean it because they know what they are about to say is nasty and will offend someone.

Fortunately she has a group of friends like her now who are nice quiet girls and dont go around *****ing about people but when she was friends with another group of girls she would reg come home in tears and start looking in the mirror :( :(  and her self confidence was rock bottom.

Unfortunately these type of girls will always find something to pick on you about :(

Soyes it is important I guess that they do learn to stand up for themselves but my daughter just cant do it she cant be nasty back and they know that and play on it.

Mind you I have to admire their nerve is someways they are more than happy to copy her homework, borrow her pe kit, her early lunch pass, her locker etc etc -and does she say no - don't be silly.  she says yes every time ^idiot^ ^idiot^ ^idiot^ 
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Oh bless her. Meg could never be nasty back either. I absolutely dread the teenage years. X
 

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fortunately its a way off for you yet.  Make the most of every minute , it goes by far , far too quickly :(
 

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been meaning to write to you Slinky for a few days, but it seems to be all sorted now thank God  ^hugme^

My daughter who is 16, was in a similar situation when she was around 8 too. This particular girl had , what I can only describe as an obsession with Tanya! She wouldn't let her play with other kids, sulked etc etc..the turning point was when they were going to have a joint birthday hers is on the 13th Tanya's on the 14th..(at the time I thought it was a good idea  :-\ ) anyway when we all got together to do the invites this child wanted to do all of Tanya's invitations  which I somehow managed to stop ..and then had a complete hissy fit when T was writing an invite to her best friend who did not go to their school  ^eyes^ ^bigbad^ I made up my mind then that I had to take control and fast!! luckily the party went without a hitch but play dates were cancelled after that and I let her have the minimal contact at school..I had a long chat with Tanya and made sure she never just played with her only and played with lots of other kids too! This other girl kept saying to Tanya that they were best friends in the whole world forever more kinda thing ...this girl was wise beyond her 8 years and often acted like she was 16  ^bigbad^ so I made sure Tanya had lots of play time with different friends and I made a point of not inviting this girl, it sounds harsh but I could see how she was trying to manipulate T who is actually very laid back and sweet so I wasn't having it!

it's very difficult when they are at that age, and I must say although there have been many sulks and moodiness the teenage years have been ok'ish  ::), I was worried about bullying when she went to secondary but thank goodness it has not happened and she has a good bunch of friends..I agree with Sparkly though..it goes way too fast , can't believe my baby is now 16 and going to do A levels in September  :'( :eek: :'(
 
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