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Hoping for some advice...

This is my 1st time posting in a forum. My infertility journey started as a teenager when I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure so always knew IVF would be the route we needed to take to fulfil our dreams of becoming parents. My husband and I started our IVF journey in 2012 with an egg donor. After a very challenging few months consisting of numerous cancelled cycles (lining issues) we finally had a successful cycle and our little boy was born in 2013. We decided to try again in 2015. Our next cycle went smoothly and we got the positive test result. Unfortunately at our 8 week scan we discovered that the sac was empty. Shortly after we started another cycle which was a success and we welcomed our daughter in 2016.

We were always unsure whether to try again (many reasons ranging from emotional impact of IVF and financial) but continued to pay the yearly storage fee (we had 4 embryos remaining). Fast forward to last April and we decided that we might regret never trying again so entered into another IVF cycle. To our surprise we got a positive result but unfortunately a few weeks later this pregnancy ended.

After the difficulties we had early on in our journey, the 2 failed cycles and the emotional pressure IVF has, we decided that we would not try again. We know we are extremely lucky to have 2 children. However it's now come to the time when we need to pay further storage. We know we don't want any more children now but I'm struggling with the moral dilemma of stopping the storage and ending our journey. My husband doesn't seem to have an emotional attachment and doesn't want to continue paying but I'm finding it difficult to make this decision now the date is creeping up, but I also don't want to keep paying as we know we won't try again.

Is there anyone who has been in our situation and how did you come to terms with not using the remaining embryos and deal with the decision not to renew the storage.
 

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Hi there sfield :)

I just wanted to say I really understand the emotional connection and I would also have the same difficulty as you letting go.  I have just done a FET with my only frostie (I have one son from the same ICSI cycle) and I could not just disregard it or donate it.  Unfortunately if this doesn't work that will be it for our family, but I will have been pleased I tried.

If I had more embryos and this round is successful, I would be in the same situation as you and would have to make that decision as we know we don't want more than 2 children (also financial/emotional etc).  I guess at the end of the day, if you don't want more children, there is no point spending the money on storage (which is crazy expensive), and if you don't feel you can donate.  There are not many options.  I guess I always felt that the decision would be worse than actually doing it, as once they are gone, they are gone and you don't have the reminder of the regular storage bill!  Apologies, I don't know if I helped at all!! Good luck x
 

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Hi,
I have recently been in this situation as the storage on our embryos was due to end in November 2020. I was aware of this date throughout 2020 and put off making the decision until the last minute. We were fairly certain we weren’t going to want to try again and therefore wouldn’t use the embryos. However I felt guilty that I wasn’t going to give them a chance when they had worked hard to develop in the right way to be frozen in the first place.

The storage fee was more than double for the next 12 months so in the end I had to look at it from a pragmatic perspective and consider what would we do with that money if we didn’t pay the storage fee, knowing that 12 months later we would be in the same situation again (previously the storage fee had been for 3 years).

My husband didn’t really get involved in the decision, he just left it to me, which did feel like a lot of pressure. I wanted to donate them so they could help someone else but I was too old when they were created for that to be an option.

I don’t regret the decision but I do still feel sad at times, especially when my little girl talks about wanting to be a big sister (which she has only started to do now age 5!)

I’m not sure if that helps but essentially I had to take the emotion out of the situation to make the decision and I had to know that I would be comfortable with the decision I made. I knew if I had any flicker of doubt about trying again, I needed to extend the storage. I knew I could not go through any more treatment which helped with the decision.
 

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We’ve used donor eggs. Have one daughter and a second due in the summer. We’ve got four embryos in storage. My payment is due in May. I think I’ll pay the year again in May and then decide once my youngest is coming up to a year. (All being well).

I also feel emotionally attached to them- they are possible siblings to my daughter but it’s £££.

If we were fertile we would be “losing” eggs each month in our periods so I might need to reframe how I think about them. I’m a worrier though and I think I’ll find it hard to stop paying.

Could you use the payment money for something lovely for your children? Might that help? Xxx
 

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I let my embryos go in November, I had 2 left, my son is 3 and I had hung onto them even though I was fairly sure I wouldnt use them. I had this awful  fear that my son would be ill and need a sibling match for something... morbid I know but I just couldnt shake it. I then decided that even if this did happen there was no guarantee that the embies would even take and the cost of storing/cycle/immunes etc was so expensive and was money that I could be spending on my son so i let them go. Unfortunately the clinic they were stored at (CARE London) didnt receive my letter even though they had my wishes by email but didnt bother to let me know until 3 months later I received a demand for embryo storage payment! This was so upsetting as I had made peace with it and this brought it all back again. Its always emotional to let embies go and many times I wished I didnt have any left so didnt have to make that decision
 

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We are in a similar situation and we just decided to renew our storage for another year. However, in our case is too early to make a decision as our son is only 16 weeks. I also have POF and after 2 miscarriages, 7 years of trying, we used a donor egg, we have 6 embryos left and I keep thing about them.
In my case the main factor is age, I am 43 now and if we decide to have another one I can only try at the end of this year, almost 44, so most definitely giving birth at 44, if all goes well. Right now, I can't really see myself going through another IVF,  pregnancy,  and c-section all when you have a toddler to look after. On the other hand, I think would be nice for him to have a sibling. I have 5 sisters and I don't know what would I do without them, my husband also is very attached to his brother.
I know we don't have to decide right now but I keep thinking about it. However, even if we decide to try for a sibling we still need to let some of the embryos go at some point. Not easy I must say!
Sorry not much of advice, just to say you are not alone in finding it hard to make this emotional decision.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thank you all for taking your time to read and reply.

After the failed cycle last year we were so sure we wouldn't try again and I haven't thought about it much since then. Then as soon as I got the email reminding us that storage was due for renewal it's stirred up feelings of "what if". I need to detach my emotions from the decision but its so hard to do, especially when I have 2 children from the same cycle so I constantly think about who the embryos could look like.

I know going through it again is not an option for us and I'm hoping that by letting them go it will help us move on and enjoy our 2 amazing children.
 
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