[Hobbs]

Hello all
Since my DH had our devastating news in May we have moved on and have now pretty much made up our minds that we would like to have a baby via DI.

The problem here according to other ladies i have spoken to on this site is that they (the clinic) do not give enough information about the donor, i'm terrified about this possibility and i'm wondering if the way to go is using a known donor possibly DH cousin. DH put forward the idea and i must confess that the more i think about it the more it seems to make sense.

Has anyone else tried this would the fertility centre still treat us? will my DH still be the legal father as in normal DI??

Thoughts on this would be much appreciated.

Love Hobbs x

 

[xlaurax]

Hello Hobbs,
I'm new here. I'm afraid i dont really have any words of wisdom but i myself am in similar situation. DP is diabetic with fertility problems. We have already looked into adoption but have been told it is not possible as yet because we want a baby as young as possible (this may sound a bit selfish) and they dont have many babies up for adoption, also because we have a 3 year old daughter and the age gap would not be big enough!
Sorry to babble on! Anyway i myself have been thinking about donor insemination, DH doesn't really open up that much. We are both so desperate for a new baby but he says treatment would cost too much.
If anyone has any advice or would just like to say hello please send message.
Laura

 

[Hobbs]

Hello laura

Sorry to hear about your fertility problems

DH was very reluctant at first to talk about his fertility problems but has slowly opened up, only to me though. When we had the results of the PESA/TESA we lied to our family and told them that the they had found sperm, we did this so when we do concieve a child they will think it truly is ours. DH was happier with this and i must confess so was i. I think DI costs about £6 - 700 at the clinic which is a heck of a lot cheaper than IVF, ICSI which can cost in excess of £4000. Were you thinking of using a clinic or doing it at home? Will you use DP family as a donor or a friend? What has your consultant said or have you not got that far down the line yet?

I hope your dreams come true one way or another.

Hobbs x

 

[Colly]

Hi Hobbs and Laura,
We have looked into the known sperm donor process. Our clinic does it although it does not seem to encourage it. You all go for counselling to talk about things like what the child will be told and what the donors relationship with you and the child will be. Your application is then assessed by the clinics ethics committee. Your donor has medical checks and then a sample is frozen and the donor retested after six months (like anon donors are). If everything is ok you can then start treatment.
It is less straightforward than the the usual way and everyone has to be happy about it. I would have liked any children I have to have a genetic link to my husband which is why we looked into it. We decided not to proceed because we were told that our donor was too old and we were pretty sure not to get approval. We are now considering a none family known donor and are finding this decision more difficult. Good luck with whatever you decide. By the way if you want to keep the donor part quiet this may be easier with an unknown donor.
Colly

 

[Hobbs]

Hello colly
I had no idea it was that complicated, i assumed that we would have to go for councelling but didn't realise that the donor would have to have his sperm frozen for six months before hand. Any idea why they make you fo that? If the sperm is going to be fresh it seems a little mad.
I hope you manage to have the baby you dream of soon

Love Hobbs x

 

[xlaurax]

Hi everyone,
me and DP had our first appointmentwt our GP yesterday and it was complete wast of time!
We told the doctor our situation and he said to produce a sperm sample, gave us a bottle and told us to take it to the hospital. This isnt posible though and we told him that so now we are left wondering what to do. DP was really annoyed cos he had to embarrass himself and tell his lifestory so he started snapping at me, he did say sorry though. I sugested getting a second opinion but DP doesnt like my GP.
Anyway he has said that he is completely against the whole doner sperm process so we spent most of the night in silence!!
So the only answer i can come up with now is if they can somehow do a test to see if there is any sperm anywhere and if so can they remove it? Otherwise it looks like adoption in about 2-3 years
Sorry to ramble on!!

 

[Hobbs]

Hello laura

Sorry to hear your story, ours started very much along the same lines. We had been trying to concieve for over a year and went to see my GP. He took a load of bloods on me and told me i wasn't ovulating and said he'd refer us to the assisted conception clinic though he wanted my DH to have a sperm count test first.

DH went to his GP who was most unhelpful and begrudgingly gave us a pot and told us to take it to the hospital. He did not give us the phone number or department. I had to investigate that bit for myself. I took the sample along and we waited 4 weeks for the results and when he went to see his GP he told him they had found nothing in the sample and never mind you can always adopt.... and that was it.

Not being happy with this i went back to my GP and said i wasn't happy and i'm sure there was something else that could be done. He agreed with me totally and we got an appointment through at the fertility clinic.

At the clinic they did a blood test on DH that showed his hormone levels were normal, our consultant told us that there was a procedure called PESA and TESA which means they can extract semen straight from the testes, if they cant get any that way they can do the TESA which means that they take a snall biopsy and examine it to see if any sperm are present. Unfortunalty for us there wasn't anything at all.

Tell your DP that there are other ways and not to give up hope, also tell him my DH didn't feel a thing as they give a powerful sedative that puts them in a dream like state. He said it was like drinking 15 pints in half an hour!!!

Maybe a change of GP would make your DP feel happier, my DH changed his GP to mine after his crappy treatment. Definitly ask for a referal to your local fertility clinic, they are used to dealing with this sort of thing and are much more sensitive.

Hope this helps

Love Hobbs x

 

[Colly]

Hi Hobbs and Laura,
I think clinics will only use fresh sperm if it is your partners. Any other sperm has to be frozen. It's basically the same process as it is for the anon donor except that the sperm is designated for your use only. It is more complicated than the usual way but if you want to do it, it is possible.
My DH has had surgical sperm removal too. He had two sperm counts of zero and blood tests revealed hormone problems. In our case they did not find any (we were given a 50% chance) but if a man has already had a child I think the chance is higher. Good luck.
Colly

 

[xlaurax]

Hi again all
thanx for all the support, last night was a bad night again
We just end up arguing about it all. The fact is i want to be pg so much and he cant make it happen naturally, he thinks i will leave him!!
He doesnt even like me talking to anyone about it but i dont feel that i can approach him as i dont want him to snap or get upset. Has anyone else had this problem?
I received an info pack from brentwood fertility centre yeseterday and a 30 min first consultation is £100 i couldnt believe it!!!!!
Does anyone know of any fertility clinics in the Southend area? Brentwood is not far but it would be easier if there was one closer to me in the southend area.
Thanx again, take care xx

 

[Hobbs]

hello girls

Colly thanks for the info on known donors, how strange our DH having the same condition i'd never heard of it before. DH condition was caused by bilateral undescended testes that were not brought down until puberty and he had an infection after the op as well which compounded the problem.

Laura, you poor thing you really are not having a good time are you? DH and i have been quite open about this from the start, i have constantly reasured him that it doesn't alter my feelings for him if anything it makes me love him even more. I am fortunate that he has been reassured by this and we are determined not to let this come betwen us, let him know that you love him and reasure him that you will not let this come between you, is all i can suggest, i hope it works.

Wow that is expensive £100 for 1/2 hour. If you get refered by your doctor all the initial tests are done on the NHS. I have had my ovaries and uterus scanned, blood tests and DH has had blood tests and the surgical sperm removal (PESA/TESA) and it hasn't cost us a penny yet. We are due a consultation again next month (20th) i'm sure that we will have to start paying then I can't help you with the names of any clincs i'm afraid our clinic is part of our local hospital in Bath (Bath and north east somerset

I really hope you manage to work things out with DH, infertiity is so stressful and it puts tremendous pressure on couples, its amazing any of us survive it at all!!!

Love Hobbs x

 

[xlaurax]

Hi Hobbs,
i think the way for me to go now is to see what my doctor says and to try and get a referral from him, if not i might see if i can go straight to the hospital, my friend is a nurse there so i will have to ask her.
You are lucky that your DH is more relaxed about the whole process, i can sort of see DP point of view but not entirely.
Spoke to mum about it yesterday and she says i should try to forget about it for a little while, how am supposed to do that? I know she means well though.
We are going to Florida on the 26th of this month for 2weeks so maybe it will take our minds off it a bit.
Laura xx

 

[Hobbs]

hello laura

Your right i am lucky that DH is relaxed about the whole thing, it makes me less anxious as well to know that he is chilled about it.

Glad you have decided to go through your GP rather than the private route straight away, it does cut down on costs.

As for taking your mind off it, if you manage it let me know so we can share the secret with all the girls on the web site!!!

I hope you have a lovely holiday, you lucky thing. I'm getting married in a few weeks (9) so i will enjoy a holiday after that, doubt it will be anywhere outside europe though. Never mind.

Good luck laura x

 

[shazzy]

Hi Laura

I can relate to your plight 100%. My DH was a nightmare from the minute we started the DI process until my miracle pregnancy with his own sperm sample. I've IM you with my story, its a bit long and boring so i won't post it here for fear everyone will lose the will to live!!!

My DH coped dreadfully with the prospect of not being able to be a "real" dad (his words not mine). He mostly took it out on me and seemed to forget that i was going through it all with him. By his thinking it was ok for me as he was the one with the problem!!!!!MEN!!!!

He had 14 years to accept things but he couldn't and i suppose it was his reluctance to accept things that made me push him for a seond opinion. After lots of fights and tears he did get a second bi op and after TESA they managed to freeze a tiny sample of sperm to be used for ICSI.

We were very lucky and our prayers were answered. My first ICSI attempt was +ive and i'm now 23w 5d pergnant. After being told in 1990 that he would never father children as he was azoospermia, my DH is now like a dog with two tails.

All i can say to you is remember that all you need is one little sperm to make ICSI work so speak to any professional who'll listen to you and exhaust every channel. If at the end it's not to be then you know you've tried everything and any DI baby will be as loved as any would.

Take Care
Shazzy
xx

 

[Squeak]

Laura,
I agree with you - you cannot take your mind of these things - not for long. My mum comes out with the same stupid comments.

My colleague had a similar story to shazzy.
Got a second opinon and the little drop they recovered they used for a pregancy via ICSI. She fell first time but sadly she miscarriaged recently at 3mths - but this is not deterring them - they are going to give ICSI another go in a few months time - the treatment obviously works for them !!!!
Good Luck
Squeak

 

[xlaurax]

Hi Shazzy and squeak
its nice to hear these stories, it gives me some comfort and some hope.
As it happens, i have not been thinking about the situation as much, we are going to Florida this saturday so i have been concentrating on that, we cant wait. I am looking forward to getting away from this dreadful weather!!! But im sure that when we come back in two weeks i will probably be thinking about it again.
Its really nice to hear from other people who have been or are in a similar situation.
I am really pleased for you Shazzy about your pregnancy, bet DH is on !
Hope to hear from you both again to everyone.
Laura

 

[Hobbs]

Hello Wolla

Sorry to hear about your troubles, azoospermia is absolutly devastating, there is nothing that can prepare you for it. I'm glad you and your DH have now managed to have a chat about it, it has helped us tremendously.

I'm suprised your clinic will allow you to go through DI if there was a possibiliity of your DH having any sperm. Ours wouldn't even entertain it until they had extensivley examined my poor DH. You have obvioulsy fallen on your feet with a sympathetic clinic you lucky thing

I can't help you with what the procedure is as i haven't actually been through it yet, i do know that we have to go through councelling, we were given an information pack after DH PESA/TESA negatives results.

We have our consultation in 3 weeks time but are going to delay treatment until dec/jan time as we want to get our finances in order first. (getting married in 6 weeks, qualifying as a nurse and buying the house all in the next 2 months!!!)

Hope this information is of some use to you

Take care

Love Hobbs x

 

[eileenh]

Hi Wolla

I know how you feel. My DP has also said at times why am I upset as he is the one with the problem. It has been a rollercoaster ride the last few years. But we have come through it and I have just started my first cycle of DIUI. We had one session of counselling which we didn't find particularly useful although a lot of others have found their counselling v. useful. I get most of my support from here - it is a fab place and I am really glad I found it.

wishing you all the best
Eileen

 

[olivia m]

Dear anyone thinking of using donor sperm, known or unknown. Do check out the web site of DC Network as you will all find useful information and stories, even if you don't want to join. Known donation CAN work out well but needs a lot of thinking through and counselling. Don't be tempted to do self-insemination. This leaves the donor as the legal father and all parties open to legal challenges. It is worth going through the freezing process to stay within the legal framework of the HFE Act 1990.
Best of luck to you all. Do consider joining us.
Olivia M
Mother of two young people conceived by DI

 

[[Katie]]

Hi All ^group^,
My DH has complete azoospermia. We found out last week. We had hoped deep down that it would have been a realtively simple thing like a blockage and that they would retrieve the sperm and IVF would follow.
Laura, we told our immediate family and closest friends about the pesa/tesa but told them we would not tell them the results. I wish we had told them it was positive instead now. Have you told your Mum now? I'm close to my family and I don't like lying to them but if it had been positive the following procedures would be different as they will be trying DIUI with me first, so I will have to lie or tell them nothing. I'm going to be decieving them for the rest of my life and it's something I'm finding hard to come to terms with, but it's what my DH wants and I have to respect this, but doesn't mean we too don't have the disagreements. I've also got to go through HSG again as I couldn't cope with it the first time, felt such a failure and whimp!
We haven't had to pay a penny...yet! Guess it all down to this postcode lottery! As we come under Norwich our treatment has been on the NHS, although we were told at first it would have been £800 for pesa/tesa.
It's early days and DH is finding it hard to come to terms with but I do believe I need to talk about it too as I have to live with the fact that we I will not concieve naturally, although for many of us lucky ones it would be possible. Thanks to this site Im finding the strength to get through this knowing we're not alone.
I want to wish you all a world of luck
Love Katie xxx

 

[Hobbs]

Dear Katie

I know exactly what your going through, living a lie is not easy. We to hoped that DH would be producing some sperm and that they would find it during the PESA/TESA but like you nothing showed up.

The people we did tell about the TESA/PESA now think that the doctors did find sperm and it is frozen. I have told no one the truth not even my mum or sisters who i am very close to. This is also the way my DH wants it and i in principle agree with this, though i find it difficult. My only outlet is through this website which is a godsend.

We to have not paid a penny yet, thank god. It would of been totally devastating at having to pay £800 to recieve such crappy news.

We go for our appt to see the consultant on the 20th July and then will go on the DIUI route. We are not going to tell families that we are going through this and will just announce if we are fortunate to be blessed with a little angel. (not sure how i'm going to get round that one yet)

Hope all goes well and remember your not alone there are so many of us going through the same thing. (though i don't think i've met someone whose story is so similar to mine)

Lots of Love Hobbs