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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Before I start I really dont want to upset or offend anyone so plaese don't shout at me.
We have been lucky enough to have a sucessful ivf pregnancy using our own eggs and sperm.
I have had 2 further tmts both were negative. I drew aline under our quest for more babies and moved on. Unfortunately dh didn't, we have been for tests today and have been told I have a very low ovarian reserve(not unexpected)
The consultant mentioned egg donation as a way forward possibly abroad as I am 40 now and dont want to wait on a long list in the uk. He said that sucess rate very usually very good. I saw DH's eye light up at this point.

What I want to know is has anyone else used donor eggs after a sucessful pg with your own? I am worried about bonding with the child and all that entails also comparing him/her to the others.I guess also I am not sure I really want another child although I would love one if it happened.

I really need some good advice to get it all straight in my head. I know if dh tried to stop me from trying for another child I would really resent it and I dont want that to happen.He isn't putting any pressure on me at the momment and I am sure he will accept it if I say no. But if he really wants it I want to be able to say yes yto him and be sure myself

Please please dont get upset with me I know I am so lucky to have what I have and before getting my
bfp I would have used donar sperm.eggs/surrogacy adoption or any other means to get a child

Has anyone got any comments?
 

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Hi
We have many members in DC Network who, like you, have one child without assistance and then another with help from an egg donor.  It is really becoming much more common now that couples are starting their families later.  As far as I can see there is little problem with bonding, but this is with women who are very positive about having another child, and that may be the difference for you.
Do join us to be in touch with a range of people who have used egg donation following an unassisted pregnancy (and why would anyone shout at you anyway!) www.dcnetwork.org
Olivia
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks Olivia, I will try that link.  I have been thinking about the whole issue overnight and I am much more positive this morning I think it was all such a shock yesterday. My first pregnancy was an ivf pregnancy so not natural so I have been through it all before in fact 6 times!!!

I wouldn't go through the cycle unless I was 100% commited to any child that we might have.

Thanks again
 

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Hi there. I now have DE twins (eggs donated by a friend) after having my DS naturally 5 years ago. Pm me if you like xx
 

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Hi,

I'm in a very similar situation.

Son conceived through IVF using our sperm and eggs.  A bit different to you in that I developed Rhesus incompatability right at the end of the pregnancy and son needed a fair bit of intensive care and blood transfusions to sort him out.  He's fighting fit now and nothing ongoing - thank goodness, but I'm left with antibodies raging round my system and my husband is homozygous rhesus positive so no chance of having a rhesus negative baby. 

We've had a lot of advice and seen a lot of specilists here in France and decided that we are not willing to risk having a premature baby and needing in utero blood transfusions.  In a way, it has made it easier that we have made this concsious decision not to risk another biological baby.

So, that left us with my husband very sure that he wanted another and me not at all sure.  If things had been normal - ha! I would have stopped using contraception and just left things to fate.  If it was meant to be then it would happen.  But it wasn't "normal" and so you have to give it so much thought.  I spoke to a very good counsellor who told me that there is often a big burden of responsibility to "get it right" and make the right decision to couples deciding to use donors.  She was a really really big help to me to work through my fears and questions as to whether I would love another child that is mine but not my husbands biologically.  At the end of the day I had asked every question possible and she told me it was really a leap of faith. 

We took that leap at the start of May and I have just had a positive pregnancy test.  So, here I am carrying an anonymous donors child.  I'm not sure how I feel, but it seems OK.  I worry that I will have less time for my little one who is so precious.  I'm also an only child so have no expereince of being in a bigger family.  It really does feel like a leap of faith.  What helped me a bit was to think past the first few months of having a baby and think of us as a larger family in the future.  When I did that I felt that I fell more on the side of wanting another than of having just one - but I have to say it was not - and still isn't completely clear for me. 

Now, I am pretty sure we have done the right thing.  Noone knows yet and we will take our time to get used to it before telling family the whole story assuming we are lucky enough for things to continue to go well.

Feel free to PM me if you like. 

Best Wishes

Sarah
 

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Sarah - that's a brave post hun - well done. (that's not meant to sound cheesy - i do mean it!! ;D)


Skirt girl - there is a possibility that we could be in this situation - we were in a position where, had our last icsi not worked, our consultant had recommeded DE as our next step.  this means that DE is a possibility if we decide to try again. 

My sister has offered her eggs, which is lovley of her.  However, now i have a biological child of my own, i'm not sure that i would feel the same have a DE one now.  I would have definitely done it if i hadn't been able to conceive M.

it's a conversation that DH and i have started to have - and to be honest not really come to a conclusion yet.  in our situation though it's me that's desperate for another, not dh - he has 2 older children too.

Good luck with your decision hun - i'm sure you'll make the right one ;)
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks for all your replies, we are still thinking about it and also the logistics of doing it abroad.
I have put it on a back burner at the moment as we have lots going on and I am still waiting for
my ovarian stress test if AF ever shows up.
I will no doubt be after more advice in the future, thanks again.

Ellie
 

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Hi Ellie

I have a daughter of 3 conceived naturally.  I have raised FSh and will be undergoing IVF - last fling in a few weeks.  If this fails, my husband and I are committed to going to Spain for DEIVF as we really do want another child.
I have joined the DC network which is helpful and have done a bit of reasearch into clinics.  I can thoroughly recommend counselling, as it helped me very much.  If you go for UK or shared care DEIVF, you will be asked to go for implications counselling where you and your DH can explore your feelings and find your own way.  You can sign up for DEIVF, go on the list, but a t the end of the day you can say no too.
With regard to bonding, I personally would be ok with it.  I held a friends new born last week and I naturally loved the little chap and if you do DEIVF, your baby is your husbands baby and I am sure you would love it straight away.  I know this is corny, but time helps and is a healer.  I have been discussing DEIVF for 6 months now, because of my ovarian reserve situation. I was in a dark place in December but I am in a positive place now.

Pm me if you want to talk more.  I have many questions still to ask about DEIVf conception and some concerns, but there are lots of people out there who have been there already.

Good luck and the right path for you both will become more obvious for you in a little while.

Love

Jane
x
 
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