[donnamoff]

hi im new on here but cant help but come on and read your stories so sfter a long while i have registered so here i am,please tell me if i ramble too much lol just a little nervous i am 32 and about 7 years ago i found out i had something wrong whilst trying to get pregnant,and i think to be honest i always knew after tests and lots of proding i was told both my tubes were swollen and full of fluid and that i would need them removed so last jan i had them taken out and was very upset and still am really cant seem to get my head around it all i seperated with my partner at the time and 4 months after all of this they told me i was at the top of the list but me and my gp decided after the surgery and with what was happening it aws not the right time so... now im with a new partner for a year and so so so desperate to have a baby and i seem to panic that im running out of time it seems that it's all i think about and to make matters worse me sister had a little girl now aged 6 and has twin boys 2 and a half who i love very dearly and over the last 6 weeks a unbelievable 15 of our friends are all expecting babies i feel crushed and cant talk to anyone about it any advice!!!! hope this year brings u all u have ever wanted and wished for xx from d

 

[Daizymay]

Hey Donnamoff - Welcome,
You're in the right place chick! It can feel a very very lonely ride at times - but there is always someone on this site who will understand exactly what you are going through and give good advice. You're only 32 - a wee whippersnapper!
So you've got 15 friends expecting...I bet you there is a good handful of them that have been through some issue of infertility to get to where they are today. (Your sister had twins - now that's rare - about 1.2% are natural conceptions - did she have infertility treatment?)
Positive thinking is half the battle....If you picture yourself being happy and embracing each newborn baby this should make each arrival easier. Picturing it crushing you and you will be crushed...trust me - i did that!
Someone told me the 20:80 rule....spend upto 20% of your time thinking, reading, doing stuff relatd to your baby goal, the other 80% of your time doing completely unrelated stuff - get a new hobby/gym etc.
What area are you living? What does your new partner think about treatment?

 

[donnamoff]

no,she had no treatment at all she was very lucky and very shocked bless her.I live in dumfries and galloway that's the thing they all seem to have been very easy in getting pregnant!!i have taken to the gym and swimming and gave up smoking and really thrown myself into work,i have not really sat and talked to him about how i feel although i think he has a good idea he know's all that has happened and what needs to be done and i think he has been researching himself but we have not sat and talked about it as im still a little up and down and cant believe this has happened to me but put on a very brave face for them all i think they think i have coped really wee thought this was best place for me what about u?x

 

[Daizymay]

....and that's the thing....noone ever talks about their infertility...so we all assume everyone else is getting pregnant easily. It's only recently that I found out that from my 5 close school friends only two of them had the natural conceptions, another was on clomid, another went through IUI/miscarriages/etopic preg & IVF and the third has consulted re sperm donation (a single lass). Since we came out of the closet we've heard of so many others in similar situation to us....it doesn't make the problem go away, but it helps keep things in perspective sometimes.... I always used to say 'why us why us'. There's no doubt about it...infertility is one of the hardest journeys you'll travel, but it will make you a stronger person/stronger couple...that is....as long as you are open and honest with yourselves....you have got to communicate well with your partner. FF is a good place to help get your thoughts in order, but then you need to start chatting more with DP! Not all day everyday...remember the 20:80 rule, just a little for a few minutes a day to help him understand your feelings and for him to start exploring his own!
Another huge thing that has helped me is keeping a diary. Not only a diary of all the appointmnts etc, but a diary of my feelings. somedays I just write and write without really thinking and I find this clarifies my mind and what I want to say & how to say to DH.
Welldone on exercising and giving up smoking - two toughies...welldone you!
AFM: You can see from my signature that it's been about 7years for me and DH...this last 12mth has been hard - some real ups and downs...I start tx again this week.
Have you put a message under the dumfresshire section? There's got to be others on FF from your area.
Anyone else got any words of wisdon from Donnamoff?
Daizymayx

 

[Wraakgodin]

Welcome to FF, Donnamoff! This is a great website for support, information, laughter and friendship, it has kept me (relatively!) sane though all my treatment. I don't know how I would have coped without the lovely people here. Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you. Another great thing about FF is you can ramble as much as you like!

You aren't running out of time, as Daizymay said, you are a wee whippersnapper! My daughter is an IVF baby and I was 38 when she was born. We have a section dedicated to over 40s and they have a success thread to share their stories and give oldies like me hope! Have you been referred to a clinic yet?

Here are a couple of links that I think might help you.

A Rough Guide To IVF ~CLICK HERE

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment ~ CLICK HERE

The What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) thread will give you some info on how to navigate the site ~ CLICK HERE

We also have a newbie night in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet other new members and a few more experienced (I won't use the term "old"!) members will be there to answer any questions you have about the site. CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it. We go through all the highs and lows of treatment together.

Daizymay, I love the 20:80 rule, never heard of that before! I am one of those people that spends all their time planning and not enough time doing! I know what you mean about no one talking about infertility. When I finally "came out" at work I found out that several female colleagues had had treatment and one male colleagues son was conceived through donor sperm. Good luck with your treatment!

Sue