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WARNING!!!!!!!!!Poor Jokes ahead!!!!


1.Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look

at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem

Can there be greater than this one?
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2.Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries,

troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries

or troubles.

Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
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3.Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me

to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
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4.A newly married man asked his wife,

"Would you have married me if my father

hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the

woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married

you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
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5.A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me - my pretty

face or my beautiful figure? He looked at her from head to toe and

replied: I like your sense of humor..
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6.In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy. 98.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.

While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
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7.A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll
in the fields when they came across a cow and a
calf rubbing noses.

"Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want to
do the same."

"Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend. "It's your cow."
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8.A giant panda enters a restaurant and orders food. After eating, the panda takes a gun from its bag and starts shooting all over the place.
The stunned manager stops the leaving panda and asks it why it had to do such a thing. The panda says, "I am panda! I am supposed to do this! " and
leaves.
The confused manager finds a dictionaryand scrambles for the page and looks up at the entry for panda.
It says, " Panda: A tree-dwelling asian mammal with white markings on the body. Eats shoots and leaves "
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9.A family of tomatoes are walking down the street.

The baby tomato trips and falls down so the biggest

tomatoe stomps on him and say ketchup!

Its from pulp Fiction. ::)
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10.Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb up a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.

The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.

The second guy says, "What are you doing?"

He replies, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it."

The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear."

The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you."
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