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Hi All,

Just wanted to get something off my chest!

Why is it so wrong to want to know our baby's sex? Both MIL and SIL have now said we are "daft" for wanting to know whether we are having a boy or a girl.

Surely it is our choice? We only want to know because we are so excited and it doesn't make a jot of difference if it is a boy or a girl.

I just find it quite hurtful to be branded as daft for something which is personal to us and our choice.

Also - I know that "well meaning advice" comes with the territory, but has anyone else had "Our J*** (insert name of female relative with new baby - in my case SIL) did this and Our J*** did that" rammed down their throat in every baby or pregnancy related conversation? It is really starting to take the shine off my pregnancy for me and has stopped me wanting to discuss it with them now which is very sad.  :'(

Sorry to moan, but DH thinks I am being a bit too sensitive.

Karen x
 

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Vicking Girl

I completly understand, we had exactly the same. DH and i have always said that we wanted to find out the sex and the amount of times someone would say 'what are you doing that for, it'll spoil the surprise'.  to be honnest with you it got that annoying for me that i snapped and said, 'the surprise is finding out how lucky we are to be having a baby, and if you had been through half of what DH and i had been through then maybe you might undertsand the need (that we have) to find out the sex because in our eyes, it will make it feel more real' usually after that mouthful, they would continue and say 'but don't you want the surprise'. Some people are unbeleivable. what the hell has it got to do with them anyway. and what does everyone feel the need to give their opinion about the choices we make. Infertility makes you feel like choices are taken away from you, (well it did me anyway).

It never stops, im at the stage now where people are asking what names we like and when i tell them they decide to tell me that they dont like that name for such and such a reason or it reminds them of someone supid or ugly on tv.

We had egg donation from spain and my MIL has decided that at every opportunity when the topic of baby names comes up she says 'well i think you should have a spannish name, because the baby will be spannish'. i swear i will swing for that woman one day. But have resorted to just gritting my teeth and ignoring her.

You're not daft one bit for wanting to find out the babys sex, is personal choice and people will always feel the need to inflict their views on others even if they don't want it. You do what you want to do, and i know you will. you have wanted this baby and don't let anyone spoil it for you but their selfish comments. Just tell them that you'll find out but not tell them.

Take care hun

Sofia
 

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Well we are the opposite and don't want to know but seem to be in the minority!! I feel like saying "yes, I will still bond with my baby just the same"................."no, bump is not an 'it'"......................."yes, I am quite happy not rushing out now buying pink/blue" and "no, I don't mind neutral colours on a newborn"!!!

Unfortunately once you're pregnant some seem to think they are entitled to force their opinions on you and it doesn't get any better once the baby is born, especially if you have different parenting methods to them. At the end of the day we're all different and no way is more 'right' than another so just do what is right for you.

If it's any consolation, my dh tells me I'm being too sensitive as I get irritated at people asking me if the pregnancy was planned and just want to tell them to mind their own ^censored^ business.;D ;D

Sophia - Oh my gosh to your MIL!! ^bigbad^ ^bigbad^ As to names, I don't tell anyone as you're right, someone always has an opinion on that too. At least once the baby is born and named most have the decency to just politely say "that's nice".

Chux xx
 

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When I was pg with DD, we told people weird and wacky names that we had supposedly chosen. They couldnt be further from the truth but kept them off our backs and certainly put a sock in it for them!!! ;D
 

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We told everyone we were having a baked bean if they asked. Otherwise if people asked "what are you having?" I went down the "Delboy" route of exclaiming "Its a baby!" ;D

Its your decision hun and no one should make you feel bad for wanting to find out.
Have to admit we are very glad we didin't - enjoyed the suprise - but everyone seemed shocked after our hundreds of scans that we didn't know.
 

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Karen, you're right, it is a completely personal decision to find out the baby's sex, no right or wrong about it so ignore what other people are saying to you about your decision to find out. I'm the same as chux & have chosen not to find out what this baby is, but I've almost had to justify my reasons to some people for not finding out so you really cannot win either way. It doesn't just stop at finding out the baby's sex, everyone has an opinion about every aspect of pregnancy, birth & babies so to a certain extent I've stopped discussing things with some people as I get in such a tangle when I've decided something & then someone comes along & tries to tell me different. It's like a minefield. Although I've chosen not to find out the baby's sex I am convinced that this is a boy. People know this but I've also said to them that I could be in for the biggest shock of my life in August!

Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy,

Flavia.
 

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Flavia said:
Although I've chosen not to find out the baby's sex I am convinced that this is a boy. People know this but I've also said to them that I could be in for the biggest shock of my life in August!
Oh I KNEW dd was a boy, even saw her boy bits on the scan and yes, it is one hellova shock!! ;D ;D
 

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~ Chux ~ said:
Flavia said:
Although I've chosen not to find out the baby's sex I am convinced that this is a boy. People know this but I've also said to them that I could be in for the biggest shock of my life in August!
Oh I KNEW dd was a boy, even saw her boy bits on the scan and yes, it is one hellova shock!! ;D ;D


Me too - although no one told Amy she was supposed to be a boy ;D
 

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Me too!!

KNEW dd was a boy and even hadnt got a a girls name but had a definate boys name and had already started calling her it in final stages of pregnancy! :eek:

when DH said 'Its a.....girl!' I didnt believe him and had to check it for myself!
 

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I called Alex (my son) Sophie most of the way through  ;D

Its a massive shock but one I wouldn't change for the world!

Completely personal choice, if you want to find out and tell everyone go for it, if you want to find out and keep it a secret then do so, if you don't want to find out then don't!!

My mum said last time and this time if your finding out I dont want to know!  ^idiot^ ^idiot^

Bev xx
 

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Its personal choice honey  ^hugme^

I wouldnt care what anyone else thinks this is your pregnancy honey and you do as you both wish  ^hugme^ and if you do find out just dont tell them (i bet they will want to know when you know)  ::)

I found out last saturday what im having and its the best feeling in the world it was so emotional and i still have a good cry about it as it makes it all the more real  :-*

Good luck
Emmaxxx
 

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Karen - its a personal choice and at this stage of what you have been through to conceive a baby then let people say and think what they want as its your baby and your choice.

Im with Chux in that we didnt find out the sex and i dont want to know either but i actually get annoyed with people being either disappointed in that i didnt find out what im having and saying comments like "but how can you get things ready for the baby if you dont know what you are having?" Well my answer is that there are plenty of white neutral colours of clothes around for the first few days of when the baby is here and once we know what we have had then im sure either people will buy us something in blue or pink or my parents said they will go out and buy some things.

Im not against people finding out the sex of their baby and i would never pass comment on that but for me personally the whole process of giving birth and then finding out makes it worth it for me. And i have known people to have scans and get the sex wrong so i wouldnt want that happening either.

Good luck

Kate xx
 

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during the pregnancy of our daughter, DH & I had long discussions about do we find out the sex or not, I wanted to wait, he wanted to find out. Baby sorted this one out, at the scan she kept her legs crossed, the sonographer said I think girl, but... So we deiced not to say anything as she really didn't seem anywhere confident about it being right.

As it happens she was correct, and a girl is the one thing i wasn't expecting as boys are very strong in my family by about 4:1 !

Not sure about the next one, i think we will probably find out, but i am still not sure, it might be nice to know we are having another girl, or a boy - as I really don't like pink that much, we already have a lot of clothes that are unisex or more boyish than girl anyway.

The day after A was born there was a young "lady" in the bed next to me that kept going on and on about the fact she had had a girl, her and her partner had paid for a 3D scan and they had still got it wrong!!!!!! They had been told it was a boy, I would worry that as a parent i would be some how disappointed if i was told one thing and got another IYKWIM?

toni

 

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OMG Karen, what a can of worms this one is! ::) ^hugme^

I was desperate to find out what we're having but DH didn't want to know... at the last moment during our 20 week scan he decided to go for it and find out :) but only on the provision that we keep it between ourselves until the baby is born.

So, we are in the unusual circumstance of having all comments from every angle, depending on what we've told various people! ^idiot^ ::) I nearly fell out with my dad cos he thought I was being nasty not sharing it with him! :mad: Thankfully he doesn't ask anymore and I think is happy to wait now til the big day. Dh took the wiser option and told his folks we didn't find out so they don't even ask at all, nor have they had any 'comments' to make on the subject either way. There are other 'non-family' poeple who we've told we know but are keeping it to ourselves and of course there are the odd few to whom we've let it slip. So, really, we've had the whole range of annoying (and supportive) comments made! ::)

I can laugh about it now but earlier on it was making me so mad that people even think it's any of their business. Esp the ones who are hell bent on the 'surprise' at the birth.... errrm, isn't it the same surprise whenever you find out?? And of course, there's always that niggle that they got it wrong, so it's still kind of a surprise when the little one finally arrives.

I admit I've been surprised at how very sensitive I've been to all sorts of comments, Qs and bits if advice that seem to rain down on us. And truly, I swear I'd have blindly been saying exactly the same thing as most folk until I finally found myself in the happy situation of being pregnant! ::) I just don't think people realise how it can make you feel, and yes, they're usually well-intentioned, but that doesn't always help matters. This kind of thing won't ever stop either (people will no doubt have their two penneth to say on how you rear your child ^bigbad^) but at the end of the day, this is your baby, your precious miracle and it is your responsibility to make your own decisions for yourselves and your child and everyone else can go swivel! You have to do your thing, have faith in yourselves and trust that all will be well at the end of the day.

Hope you can rise above all the annoying comments and just let them slide. It's not worth making yourself mad over, or falling out with folk over.

Good luck with it all mummy-to-be! :)
Trip xx
 

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Hi

I was desperate to find out the flavour. I was shocked at how horrified people were when we told them we'd found out. It didn't spoil things at all, although it meant I did go a touch over the top with pink things even before she was born  ::) ;D

Sarah x
 

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It's such a personal thing you can never be wrong no matter what you decide to do (or not). At first I wanted to find out & was convinced it was a girl but then we decided not to find out. At our 20 week scan they asked us if we wanted to know & we said no - I did however see 'boy bits' & when I asked what they were (not being too sure as not a sonographer) was hurried on to the heart etc & told it was a 'leg'! From then on I just wasn't sure about teh sex but I've never regretted not knowing until N arrived.

As long as you are happy with your decision then that's all that matters ^hugme^
 

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hi there,

I too was desperate to find out the sex of our little Edie before she was born, simply because I have never been more sure of anything in my life that she was a girl, I know there is a 50/50 chance so i had a fiar chance of being right but I was totally convinced from day 1 and would have been really really shocked if she had been a boy!!  I just had this 'girl' feeling. I was the same about her hair, if she had been born without any, i think i would have thought they had swapped my baby with someone else's!!

It is your choice and as long as you are happy then all is well, ignore any comments and enjoy your pregnancy!!

Emma x
 

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Hi Karen

There's nothing wrong with wanting to know your baby(ies) gender!

We found out:

The first time we didn't tell anyone we knew just hugged the news to ourselves.  Everything else had been known about our tx (well not the last one which worked we kept that quiet but not when we got a positive!) ;D .  After Chloe was born people realised that we knew.  I don't know how we kept our mouths shut  but we did!  The other reason for us, is that I'm impatient and also we had so many scans (12) during pg (variety of reasons!) .  I was also positive that Chloe was a girl right from the pee on the stick!

Then, when we fell pg with Phoebe we found out again and didn't tell anyone but people knew that we knew!!!  Very funny people guessing whether bump was a girl or boy!!!  ;D  I'm cruel!

Have fun, and do what you want to do!

Love Sue
xxx
 

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hee hee except me  ;)
 
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