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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
do you find that your ivf journey is never ever a private situation?

i know im DRing so my emotions are prob all over the place and biting at nothing, but just been told that all friends (which arnt really that good of friends) know we are going through IVF (only family know), but apparently, one person told someone else and they said they knew as the fact that me and DH arnt drinking!

just makes me so sad that nothing in IVF is private, cuz people know we have been through ivf before, now we are not drinking then its an automatic 'oh well they are going through ivf AGAIN.....(boring boring)'. 

it makes me so angry that every 'normal' person can try to get pregant, get pregnant and not have people knowing.  where i cant, they automatically assume (and assume right) that if i dont have a drink (and i tell you now i have ended up having a drink in the past just so people didnt think i was doing ivf again, thats bad isnt it!) that we are doing ivf.

i KNOW that we all feel this way, but i just needed to write it down to get it off my chest. 

i wanna shout and scream that LIFE IS UNFAIR, it makes me ANGRY, i want a little bit of luck, how many more times do i have to go on like this, will i be able to cope if this one is a negative too (and he answer is yes cuz i have to be there is no other option), i just sometimes wish i didnt have to be brave, i feel like a scared little girl who just wants to hug her mum to make it all better......then that makes me sad as i wonder if i will ever be able to hug my own child to make things better for them.....then i get angry and down and on the verge of tears......

i know you feel the same, i know you here are the only people (unfortuntaly) who understand.
 

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^hugme^  Huge hugs hun  ^hugme^

Know the feeling. Its like people think that because we need treatment it automatically gives them rights to talk about it and inform others.

Yet another thing that SUCKS about IF. ITs not as if we go around talking about the people ttc naturally, i wonder if they'd like it if we discussed in public how many times they had bms to do so, what positions etc etc

Doesnt stop when you have a child either. I find someone somewhere has always got to point out that my DD was ivf concieved. Not that i'm ashamed about this, i'd just like to have the choice who i told and when i told them. And i find people look harder at her like they're thinking 'ooh an ivf baby, is she different to 'normal' babies?' and then said person thinks its automatically ok to ask intrusive questions wanting to know the ins and outs  ^bigbad^

ANyway big hugs sweetpea, dont let them get you down xxxxxx
 

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your so right. After losing Zak at 24 weeks people  first asked if was coping then asked are you going to try IVF Again? I thoughts its none of your business!!!! they all assumed Zak had been still born due to IVf and i wanted to scream it had nothing to do with IVF anyone can get a placenta abruption!!!

In my last 4 attempts people started gossiping as soon as i booked holiday in work and also flights to spain assumed i was tring IVF again. One time they were wrong it was a girlie holiday  the rest of the time they were right.

People are so insentive and dont understand that its private!!!!

IVF is hard enough with all the times we see doctors, nurses etc without others talking about you behind your back.

I have only told my boss and a few select people that i am doing IVF again but work colleagues were saying I was up to something as took 3 days holiday lol  - yes i was in reprofit but thats my business not thiers.

jenny

xx
 

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Unfair covers it perfectly and is the only word I can use when my (informed) friends ask about things.
It's unfair that this has to be discussed; it's unfair we have to give over so much of our lives to this process; it's unfair that we have to give up certain things, especially when there are so many mixed messages.
It's unfair that almost every action you take, drinking milk, having a brew, has been proved at some point or another to have affected ivf success, whilst I have friends who smoke and drank their ways through conception.

And finally it's unfair knowing that in spite of everything you chuck at it, it still might not work.

Sorry this is a bit of a rant too, but I do have a point and this is that I've become quite brutal with questioners as I've found it's a good way to get them to back off if I'm struggling.
One example is; 'I have one ovary, no tubes and appear to be barren... How would that make you feel?' yes, it's mean, but it's effective and the one tiny positive out of this entire process is that we can blame everything and anything on our hormones, and who's going to argue with that?!

And breath... Sorry girlies, think I needed that£
 

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I'm so sorry, I think I might've got carried away with that post but what the ladies were saying really struck a chord.
I'm a completely reasonable person most of the time, honest! Xx
 

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My God, I've never read a post like this before. Kitten it's like you read the thoughts that go round in my head every day and put them to paper.

This is why this site is fantastic - to just know that my thoughts aren't irrational and that other people (even though I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy) are going through the same thing too.

I read a good book once that said:

'Everything will be ok in the end.  If it's not ok, it's not the end.'

xx
 

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Wow, Loola, that's deep and yet very, very cool. Thanks, Franny xxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
awwwww thanks guys! i knew i wasnt alone (unfortunatly), and nice to know that people really do understand.

still annoyed abotu it, but found out that DH is telling everyone anyway (ie, he is taking different approch this time and telling anyone instead of keeping anything secret ^idiot^ - but you know the funny little ways we get)

still angry that nothing can be private and people who know think it is their right to talk about it or ask about it.....its not like i ask you if you sh4gged last nite!!!!!

loola - on the sayings i have another one " some see a hopeless end, while others see an endless hope"
 

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Everyone on this thread has said exactly what I'm thinking too.

Another inspirational quote:
'Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain.'
 

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Hi ladies, very interesting posts. I have already kept my fertility issues to myself apart from my Mum. Now I am embarking on ICSI its just between me and my partner and if it works it will stay that way. We both are in full agreement. Why do people feel they can judge because you need a little more help to concieve. A baby is a baby
 
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