[maybe-if]

I've been planning to egg share all along to make things cheaper, but also to help out another couple. It just feels like the right thing to do.

And it's LITERALLY just occured to me that we have only one vial of sperm to play with from an SSR procedure. I'm not sure what our chances are of finding further sperm?

Is it a really stupid idea to give away half my eggs when we have such a limited amount of sperm?

I don't know how we'd find the extra money to self-fund completely, we'd probably have to borrow from our parents.

I'm at a fairly crucial egg sharing stage, and really need to make a decision in the next 24 hours.

I'm worried because they never really told us whether there was a chance of finding further sperm at all.

I thought I had us all organised and planned out and I'm so angry at myself for not realising what a huge mistake we could be making?

Should we just donate all/any eggs they find and do an IVF cycle next time round using my husband's sperm? Is that even possible under an egg sharing scheme?

Does anyone have any suggestions at all?

 

[TWEETY29]

hi,

I would just go ahead with the egg sharing, you never know you might get a bfp.

your dh would be able to get the ssr done again. i think they can have it done 3 times at the most.

good luck.

let us know what you decide.

 

[maybe-if]

Yeah, but I keep thinking of it this way. Say I get 14 eggs. So I'd get 7 eggs and my recipient gets 7 eggs.

So I only have 7 chances to get an embryo that will stick, instead of 14, if I egg share. And all the remaining sperm they found would be wasted.

I am so scared that if he has an SSR again they won't find any more sperm. From his recovery time, I think they went quite deep trying to find sperm, and they said they only froze one vial.

So we do really only have maybe 3-4 chances at this and that's it. I always wanted two children not just one, and that really isn't looking too likely now. Not both genetically from DH.

It sounds ridiculous but in my head, I just feel like i'm going to be one of those women who gets BFN after BFN. I could deal with it if we didn't have such a limited supply of sperm to play with.

 

[Boomy]

Thats a tough question. 

My DH had a SSR in our first cycle.  They had no probs getting the sperm at that time.  After 3 cycles we used up all his frozen sperm.  For our fourth cycle, they had to do another SSR and really struggled to get some.  My poor DH was in absolute agony as they tried repeatly to find some.  In the end, they only got 2 vials and it was not the greatest of quality.

Perhaps before you make your decision, you should have a quick chat with the con who performed the operation and find out what the chances are of being able to retrieve more in the future.  That may help.  Or surely it will be on your DH's notes.  Perhaps you could check with a nurse in the morning.

Good luck in your decision, I don't envy you making it. 

Boomy xx

 

[maybe-if]

Rung the clinic we're with and they've said they will try and find out:

1. From a consultant, what our chances are of finding further sperm from a TESE procedure

2. If I am allowed to donate all my eggs in one cycle this time around, and then try and get a reduced cost second cycle and keep all my eggs for that second cycle to maximise our chances. This second one has to go to a board meeting where they will make a decision.

I'm not holding my breath. Well, I am.

Option 3 is do an altruistic cycle now, to give away all my eggs this time around. And next time round, pay for it in full, as it would give us a few months to get the money together.

*heads explodes*

My husband told me last night he's finding all of this very stressful and only wants to go through a couple of cycles of treatment anyway before calling it a day and looking at alternatives. he also said how he can't see how a child would even fit into our lives at the moment. Which is a bit depressing. but I think we've done such a good job of filling our lives with other things so there isn't a huge child-shaped hole in our home, and we've managed to do that a little TOO well!

Head hurts from all this. Ow. Ow. Ow.

 

[LLM]

Oh Maybe, SOunds like you're in a right pickle!

When I first started this journey I thought I would egg share as it would be cheaper and I would feel good in helping others. Once my consultant explained to me that a) DH's sperm is precious and you would be giving away half your chances and b) that I had to produce at least 8 eggs to egg share and if I didn't do that I'd have to pay in full anyway I decided against it. As it happens I was only able to produce 8 eggs in that cycle and only 4, then 3 on subsequent cycles so I wouldn't have been a good candidate for egg share.

If you want my honest opinion, I would get the money together somehow (it's amazing how much you can save when you really need to) or borrow it from parents (always interest free!) and give it your best shot. You may get lucky and produce 20 quality eggs all of which fertilise and then you will have lots more chances in the freezer. You really don't want to put your DH through another SSR if you can avoid it.

By the way, CARE Notts performed the SSR on my DH which did find sperm and on their advice that there was a good chance of finding sperm again we went ahead with another one, this time they didn't find anything!

I hope I'm not depressing you, I'm just trying to be objective and honest.

Take care
Lou xx

 

[Claudine]

If it were me, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't egg share.  You might be lucky and get great fertilisation, some people do, their embies are great looking and result in a BFP (Wilko! zebby! Georgie28!)

I'm sure there's a subtlety to NOA, its cause, when/if it was caused (pre or post puberty), extent of damage etc that determines how well the sperm functions...  And then of course you've got the egg factor!  Unfortunately, you've got no way of telling right now how it's going to go.

It all depends on whether or not you can afford a second cycle.  You could treat this cycle as a learning cycle, and go for broke next time IF it doesn't work.  The clinic will know better how you respond to stimms etc and you can synch EC and TESE.

But if you want to maximise this cycle, then you are taking a greater risk than most in egg sharing.

 

[maybe-if]

I'm a little miffed no one pointed all this out to us when I mentioned egg sharing. Obviously my brain has been on holiday recently, so it's a shame they weren't checking this had occurred to me.

Right, our new option is looking as follows:

I donate ALL my eggs this cycle to two recipients. As I had so many antral follicles on my pre-treatment scan, I'm worried about OHSS so this could be a good practice run to see how I respond. It might also be handy to see if my egg quality is any good - ie. if I can get two other women pregnant! (why does it sound so odd saying that? lol)

Then... we wait until my husband comes back off tour next year and do a cycle for ourselves. A consultant at Care Notts has agreed in principle to let us have this cycle for the same cost as an eg share one, as I'd have helped out two other women. But he has to ok it with the other consultants, so I am waiting to hear back. Either way, hopefully they should at least give me some sort of discount.

The consultant who did my husband's SSR said he thinks there is a chance of finding further sperm. But my husband can do things to help, like take antioxidants. I also want to query any medication that could improve production. As he's been told he will DEFINITELY be required to be waiting on standby in case the sperm doesn't thaw from the first SSR. It sounds quite likely they think it might not thaw.

So I get my "pretend go" without any pressure this time around, but it should give them some useful info about how I respond for the future and make things easier for the second cycle where all the eggs will be for us!

And I did have a bad karma feeling about letting down my recipient, so this way I can feel good about what we're doing.

One thing I worry about is that we don't have a mortgage/house yet, and whether we have kids by my husband's sperm or by donor, it would be nice to have our own house to put them in. So I don't really want to end up pregnant with quads but bankrupt.

The only downside to all this is that we have to wait another year before trying our first go. I will be 33 and a half by then. But I think we'll be much better off financially by then.

The other issue is we're only in the midlands for another 2 years. Then we get posted somewhere else by the army. So this will interrupt any treatment we may be having. But that's something we'll have to deal with.

We're going to discuss it all through tonight, but I tink this is our only real option.

 

[wishing4miracle]

id risk going to egg share and you get half your eggs back.i think that if theyve said your dh will prob be able to some more sperm then id go ahead.are you having icsi or straight forward ivf??dont forget if you get some good embies your bound to get some frozen.


hayley

 

[clotted cream]

I think I must be very selfish because I think in your position I wouldn't want to egg share as I'd want the best chance of any embies for me, and if any were good enough to freeze, then I'd want them saved for me rather than losing some of the eggs to someone else.

Reading through your last post you sounded a lot calmer than in your previous posts, so it sounds like you've already made up your mind what you're going to do.  And if the hospital will give you a discount if you give away your eggs to help 2 women this time, then that does sound like a good option.  You're still young enough that even in a years time you'll be in an age band that should have reasonable success and by delaying tx by a year shouldn't have any drastic effect on the outcome.  Also, if you feel you'll be in a better financial situation next year then it may be a good option.  But I would get it in writing now from the clinic that they will honor a discount when you start your next tx - you don't want them saying they don't remember anything about it!

 

[maybe-if]

Clotted cream, the problem was if we didn't egg share, we'd have to find around £6k to be able to solely fund our treatment. With no guarantee of it working. And then find another £5-6K for the next time and maybe the next time as well.

Plus we realised (apologies if I've already posted this, can't remember and my brain is fried!) that if we went ahead now, he'd potentially be having an SSR only a couple of months after the last one, and you really need to leave it SIX months or there is virtually 0% chance of finding sperm as the testes haven't fully recovered from the last go. And we don't have six months cos he'll be out somewhere hot and war zone-y by then!

So it's all sort of fallen into place. I am now getting my head around definitely not being pregnant for another year. Oh well, at least I have the dog for company.

 

[IAZ]

HI Maybe-if!!!

I have been reading your posts for a while but never replied- lazy i guess!!!!

But your story really touched me...
although we have a very different problem from yourselves, but I am also looking into egg sharing. (My Dh had Vasectomy reversal in Nov and the SA results are not very good) It is such a huge descision to make about donating your eggs to someone else! but as i keep saying it would be so great to help some one and also have a discount on the treatment espesially that sometimes it does not work and you have to be coming up with the money again and again!!!
if you dont mind me asking are you not on the NHS list? neither of you, i take it, have any children...sorry if i got that wrong.
we would not qualify for treatment on the NHS because my DH already has children, but what about me  me!!!?? i want children too and it is not fair that I get denied a chance of NHS treatment. they do so many vasectomies on the NHS, why dont they just stop that and put that money to IVF. if someone wants a vasectomy why dont they just pay for it privatly!!!!! ageing population and more couples struggling with fertility problems - surely that makes sense, doesnt it!!!!

sorry to be ranting on, got that off my chest, phewww!!! but what i was coming to, egg sharing gives you a chance of having the treatment cheaper. either way if you get a baby- they need a lot of money or you dont get pregant- then you feel like you wasted it all! it is such a shame that you cant do your ICSI shorty after the egg donation...But obviously the decision feels right for you. you are both young so I am sure it will work out for you!!!

I really admire your strength as in your situations i am not sure how i would have coped...It must be difficult when your husband is away and it gets in the way of treatment!!!
But good luck with your tx and egg donation!!!
and sorry i have gone on a bit

take care

Irina

 

[maybe-if]

Thanks for your reply Irina.

I'm more than happy to donate eggs because we were looking at having to use a sperm donor for a while, and that's much harder to get your head around.

The only thing I'm struggling with at the moment is knowing I'm not going to be pregnant for another year. We're surrounded by children here (army married quarters) and now it's summer all the kids are running around at the front and back of our house. One couple keeps letting their toddlers out when I take the dog out and first time they did this the little girl came over and kept talking to me and hugging me and calling me mummy(??) and it really annoyed me because I just CANNOT deal with that right now. Never mind me secretly fuming at the fact this couple are happy to let their kids run around with dogs off the lead and be a good 10-20 metres away from their kids. I saw the mum smoking out in the garden next to the kids today. And later on she let them out the back and an alsation was off the lead (taller than the kids) and the parents still didn't do anything even though the dog went right up to the children.

Anyway! Mini-rant over.

We didn't go on the NHS as we didn't want to wait around. We saw an NHS urologist and he was much less than useless and basically told us we'd probably never have children and ushered us out the door. He never even mentioned donor sperm to us, so I'm glad I do my own research!

However, I'm hoping to investigate NHS funding for cycle no.2 so I can do all the waiting and paperwork while my husband is away.

Both of us are so stressed, and when one relaxes, the other snaps and it all builds up again. Luckily we do talk and we're not a really argue-y couple, but it's very hard at the moment. He's got the stress of going on tour to deal with.

He's just told me today that he will be away for all of June. He's away pretty much all of May (except the weekends) already - this is all training courses for him going on tour. So he won't be here the whole time I'm doing my altruistic egg donation cycle, which I'm more than a bit gutted about. So I'll definitely have to learn to do all the injections myself, and take out all my mood swings on the poor dog!

I completely agree, why do NHS vasectomies and get us to pay to be able to have kids?? I guess free vasectomies are to stop all the guys who seem to father 1001 children on Jeremy Kyle from abusing the benefits system even more with unwanted kids. I still say the government should put contraceptives in the drinking water and make it so you have to apply to have the antidote to have a child/children. But that's far too logical.

 

[Loui123]

maybe-if - I just wanted to say that I feel for you. My DH too is in the Army, and like yours, is away for most of Jun, Jul and deploys somewhere hot and sunny in August. I also live on a patch and have children running round the front and back of me all the time. We basically have to fit our next (3rd) cycle in before he goes.

I cannot tell you what to do, and I've only briefly skim-read your posts. But, have you been through IVF before? For me it was so emotional doing the injections, hoping that these would really be bringing me a step closer to our longed-for dream. From my own experiences (I've done ICSI twice now with DH) I could not have done it without him being there (initially to give me the injections (which I subsequently found less painful if I did them myself) - so please think long and hard before you give up all/half your eggies. It truly is an emotional rollercoaster, and I don't think I would have been able to go through it if DH was deployed.

Have you thought about the extra money DH will be earning whilst he's out there? Also, what about disturbance allowance when you move again? It could all add up to something significant if you can wait until next year.

Forgive me if I have rambled, caused you any pain or not really helped you. I just wanted you to know that there are some other Army wives on here going through the same as you. It's extra hard because we have to fit cycles in around our DH's being away, worrying about them being killed etc and worrying about our own infertility at the same time. I am trying to start cycling whilst DH is on pre-tour training during the week (which for him is back to flying). It is particularly difficult because it looks like he should have surgical sperm removal this time - which is impossible for us to schedule because he cannot fly for 72 hrs after a sedation. And of course, he needs to do the pre-tour flying training, to give him a fighting chance of survival if he is shot at. It's really hard to know what to do isn't it?

Love,

Loui