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Discussion Starter · #1 ·

Hello everyone

Gonna waffle a bit now, sorry.

Received our information pack from Social Services with all the info about adoption and was digested thoroughly, but there were some bits in there that have got me a little concerned.  Mainly about the amount of contact the birth parents can have with the child, is it right that they can have face to face contact ???  I really don't like the idea of this at all, but feel I'm being incredibly selfish!!  The other thing is my DH and I did not have great upbringings and therefore has resulted in that he has no contact with his parents at all, my father was a complete git to us and therefore childhood was not great, will this have any bearing on our application. 

My next question going to sound completely selfish, would I be right in holding out for the "right one" does turning down the first child you are matched with make you a bad person, will this be held against us?? 

Sorry for waffling

Kerrie xx

Premium Member
912 Posts
Hi Kerriekermit

The adoption process is full of worries,  ^hugme^ but I'll try to answer some of them for you  :-*

Face to Face contact with birth parents is very rare, usually the only contact is Letterbox Contact which is when the adopter writes a letter to the birth parent usually once a year.  Some people do have face to face contact, usually if the children are older, but not everyone can cope with this and you can state that you do not wish to be considered for a child where there is a plan for contact.

The Social Workers will want to talk in great depth about your DHs relationship with his family, but they understand that there is no such thing as the perfect family. As long as DH is willing to discuss it fully and frankly, there shouldn't be a problem.  The same applies to your family relationships.

Many people do turn down children, it's a very hard thing to do but ultimately you have to make the right decision for your family.  I've not had experience of this, but many others here have and I'm sure they can tell you their experiences.  :)

Hope that helps a little, feel free to ask us anything anytime  :-*


I think you need to find out more...the information packs do tend to paint the worst possible picture as the SWs need to know propective parents are truly committed to adoption. 

Saying that we do have face to face contact with the birth family and it works well for us - I thought it would be scary/difficult but its not.  Our children were older when removed from their birth family and its beneificial to them to maintain that relationship.  Sometimes no contact can be difficult as children can build up unrealistic images of their birth families. 

In terms of your childhoods, it may be seen as a bonus as you should be more able to empathise with a child who has had a tough time.  It certainly wouldn't rule you out, but as Boggy says, it will be explored in some detail. 

I think in terms of the right child for you, it can be a difficult choice.  There are plenty of people who have turned down a potential match, but then have gone to adopt another child that was a better fit for them. 

Good luck and hope you can find the right path for you
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