Hi,

I know how you feel, my husband really struggled on our second attempt.  The room wasn't sound proofed and he could hear everyone outside talking and walking about.

He took his own 'Films' on a lap top, as he was worried that he wouldnt be able to do a sample.  I am really not surprised that some men struggle and end up not producing a sample at all.

X

 

Hi Stacey,

So sorry to hear your husband had to deal with such sub-standard conditions as well!

I had hoped that we'd somehow been unlucky at our clinic, but the more I've heard from others, the more it seems that this is the norm across the country. This is one thing that could so easily be improved!

Best wishes to all 3 of you xxxx

 

My partner hates it too and really struggles in the room provided. It didn't help that on EC day, when he was in the room doing the deed the fire alarm was being tested and went off intermittently for 15 minutes! I mean seriously? Plus, he knew there were other men waiting for the room which didn't help!! 

 

Gosh that's awful!!! It's bad enough without adding in extra problems - the alarm test could've been done at the weekend, after hours... The lack of care and consideration from some clinics is astounding

Huge hugs to both of you xxxx

 

Hi Ladies and Gentlemen. My DW has just read these posts out to me and she felt that WE!!! should reply
We have not had experience of UK IVF clinics. Our experience was at Bahceci Cyprus IVF Centre in Famagusta in North Cyprus. Because of age and low AMH DW was having DE. We arrived at the clinic for our appointment on the day that our donor was having her egg collection, and met with nurse Dorothy for the first time.(DW had spoken to Dorothy many time on the phone). I was feeling really up tight about providing the specimen when we arrived, and Dorothy bless her knew that. Maybe it had something to do with her sympathetic, professional manner, and the fact that she is a Great Grandmother herself, that my anxiety was reduced considerably by the time of the dreaded deed, arrived.
We were escorted by Dorothy to a room which contained a bed, comfortable chair, a TV and DVD player. The room also had it's own washbasin, shower and toilet. The plastic container I was given, whilst not specially designed did have a wide opening to help with collection. DW was invited to stay with me if we so wished, and I made a joke about using the bed to have sex . To which Dorothy explained that in some cases the man is unable to produce a specimen through masturbation, and in such case they have special condoms, so that the couple can have intercourse and the specimen is collected in the condom. However in this case the condom was not necessary.
The DVD's were rather old and tame but adequate for the task. The room, though not sound proofed was situated at the end of a corridor so there was no distractions to be heard. I still felt embarrassed when I emerged from the room and walked down the corridor(thinking that all the staff knew what I had been doing and would be having a snigger at my expense) but I need not have worried, every one is totally professional.
Having read the previous posts I think it is time the UK clinics raised their standards to match their prices.

 

Hi - and thanks for the joint post!

It's great to hear good news for once! NOT feeling apprehensive or up-tight beforehand would be odd (Christ! I know I'd dread it.), but the fact that the nurse successfully reassured you is amazing. So far, it's seemed that, in general, the whole clinic experience only adds to any anticipated discomfort.

I took the plunge and floated this question on an international forum to see whether these poor facilities were a peculiarity of over-stretched UK clinics, but unfortunately we're not alone. I was stunned by the consistent lack of care and consideration.

However, just as you describe, there have been some really positive accounts. Even ensuring the basics such as soundproofing, lockable doors, a comfortable chair, or a bed, and reliable wifi seem make all the difference. One or two clinics have even had a separate waiting area and discreet access to the room so there's no waiting around as the 'man on his own' in a room full of couples.

It's also so refreshing to hear of staff who easily (and have the time to) joke about sex! Conception may happen in a petri dish, but I hate the idea that this eclipses the basics of making a baby. The fact that you were offered the condom + intercourse option is brilliant. Although this isn't always workable with EC, just knowing that this is one of the standard options shows how clued up your clinic is!

I completely agree with you: UK clinics should definitely raise standards. Without even factoring in the high charges (whether billed privately or to the NHS clinical commissioning groups), the basic improvements would need only minimal funds. With an average cycle allegedly costing around £5,000, you'd think they could at least replace the dog-eared jazz mags...


Best wishes xxxx

P.S.: sorry, got carried away with replying before seeing the text below your post - congratulations on the BFP!!!

 

Used the Agora in Hove 5 times and there room is ok, very small but comfortable and has a dvd player and mags, although I take my own entertainment.

Used Lister twice now, room is very nice! Warm, nice ambient lighting, sink etc lovely leather recliner with ottoman, not a big room but big enough to do the deed, Some mags in the small chest or drawers.

Cheers

Steve

 

Hi Steve,

So good that there are UK clinics getting things right! Just shows that it's easily possible.

Thanks for your post!

Best wishes xxxx

 

I do think its the least they can do when paying such high amounts of money over each time.

 

Totally agree - it's not as if that part of the process is an 'optional extra'!

 

Glad it's not just me. I've done the deed in three different places, two being your standard hospital, one in Wales and another in Shropshire and another clinic based around Harley Street, London. You can probably guess which one was the most comfortable with soft lighting, a range of magazines depending on your preference and a few creature comforts. The other two were broom cupboards. The only down side of the Harley Street one was that i had to hand the sample to a lady who looked liked she just stepped out of a Bond film, but that's just some sort of ego problem.

I was worried on the second ivf attempt that things weren't happening and I'm sure a more comfortable environment would have helped. For me it's more the situation and knowing a lot of work has gone into getting to that point and your small but essential bit has to go right too.

 

Sorry for such a late reply...

Absolutely - it's not just you - far from it! So many men have had to deal with cr@p facilities with no warning beforehand. Not the first time I've heard of a disconcerting 'Bond Girl' nurse at private clinics either. Sod any nudge-nudge wink-wink jokes, both situations must be really, really uncomfortable.

The only comparison I can think of is with the internal scans - obviously without the orgasm element, but otherwise equally invasive and strange: if a clinic expected me to submit to a scan in some makeshift broom cupboard, or implied in any way that the presence of an 'aesthetically pleasing' male bimbo would make the experience easier, I guarantee that it would no longer be me on the receiving end of the probe and metaphorically (or not) it'd be heading where the sun don't shine

Joking aside, I totally sympathise with the huge pressure on men to provide the sample. As I said in my original post, I wouldn't have changed places with my husband on egg collection day for anything.

It really p**ses me off that men get so little consideration from the clinics. My husband supported me completely throughout the cycle, whilst simultaneously dealing with his own, equally overwhelming, feelings. Although he didn't show it, I now see just how physically, mentally and emotionally demanding, verging on impossible, it was for him.

I hate being part of a process that is happy to give blokes an extra kick in the balls when they've already been through so much.